Fatty McGee has been giving advice for years and her words of wisdom are one of the
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Dear Fatty,
I'm not quite like the other girls that write to you. I love to eat, I love to be stuffed full, and I LOVE it when I gain weight. Does that make me a freak? Should I stop what I'm doing?
Isabelle
Dear Isabelle,
It sounds like you are a binger and that's not healthy. Eating to the point of being stuffed full is usually a sign of something deeper going on. I used to binge to overcome my problems instead of facing them like I do today. I'd strongly urge you to see a counselor to see what's really going on. Best of luck to you - please take care of yourself!
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I just wanted to say i absolutely love the site! I've been having a few issues with myself and i was wondering if you could give me your opinion. First of all, i am pretty happy with myself and the way i look. I'm about 5'9 and i wear a size 22. I have no problems with people teasing me or telling me i need to lose weight. I've just been thinking recently that i will never find a serious relationship. I mean I've had a few dates in the past but I'm just wondering if there are guys out there that are attracted to me? I know it should be all about beauty on the inside, but you have to feel some sort of physical attraction for your partner. Please tell me there are still guys that appreciate a bigger woman!
Jewel
Dear Jewel,
It sounds like your self-esteem is in check and for that I applaud you. Yes, there are most certainly men out there who appreciate us big girls. My husband happens to be one of them. He's thin and he loves and accepts me exactly as I am. Keep your chin up and eventually not only your outer beauty but your inner beauty will attract some lucky guy!
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
Hi. I'm 13 and 129 pounds. My dad and stepmom think I'm fat so they put me on a carb diet. It worked for a month but now I eat more than I did when I was not on a diet. Can you help?
Boy Dreams
Dear Boy Dreams,
Carb diets have been found to be very dangerous for some adults so I can only imagine that it might not be a good idea for you either. Maybe since your parents want to be involved, let them know that you should go and visit your doctor and see what he has to say. I am sure that he can give you a healthy alternative to the carb diet.
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
Could you tell me the names of the different types of cultures who view fat girls as beautiful or godly. I heard about this in my class and I was wondering if you knew anything about this.
By the way, great site! Love the fat girl quiz!
Nary
Dear Nary,
You wanna hear something funny? Back in the early 1800's in England, being fat was a sign of wealth. Most women were plump ranging from how much their family made. Then they were squeezed into some ridiculous clothing. Funny how our perception has changed.
I know Latin men find large women irresistable. It's the curves that they like.
As far as any cultures where large women are "special" I havent really heard about any. If you get to researching and find any, let us know.
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
Hi! When we grow up we want to be just like you. We are big'uns and, much like yourself, we like to eat… A LOT! Power to the fat people baby!!!
Shalena and Karina
Dear Shalena and Karina,
Yo! Your email made me smile today. It's a scary thought that someone wants to be me when they grow up *laugh* so thanks for the compliment. I like the positive attitudes you have. It's always good to see Big Girls who aren't afraid to live life and feel like they deserve the best it has to offer. Keep on keeping on!!
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
My boyfriend left me a month ago and he would not tell me why. I think it's because I'm too fat and everyone picks on me and he couldn't take it anymore. He still wants to be friends but I'm hurt he didn't tell me the real reason.
Babbie
Dear Babbie,
I would recommend telling him to take a flying leap. He can't even be a real friend if he can't stand up to ridicule. Another thing to remember is this - YOU present yourself the way you are seen. Now this has nothing to do with your weight. People who meet you and know you will know the confident woman you can be - but outward appearances are always going to come into play. My husband is active duty Navy. In his work space, is my picture along with a pic of our daughter. His coworkers are jerks and tease him about his two ton wife. I laugh at it because it doesnt even affect me at all but he takes it so personal. He says - an attack on you is an attack on me and I am not going to listen to that! That is what a true boyfriend should have done for you.
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I just found your site and it's awesome. I'm a chunky butt - I have a beautiful boyfriend who tells me I'm his Queen but should I worry that a cuter skinny girl will take him? He's very faithful but his brother is always telling him about my weight and making fun of me. Help! Some advice please!
Babygirl
Dear Babygirl,
Well Babygirl, its like this - either you have confidence or you don't. Just that simple. If he leaves you for someone else it will probably not be about weight or anything like that. If he is with you now and says he cares for you, then he is genuine and wouldn't pick that as a point of leaving. However, a lot of men who date big girls get tired of constantly having to stroke their girlfriend's ego because of insecurity. Good luck!
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
My boyfriend just left me and he told one of my friends he left me because I was too fat!!! Well, I have tried to go on diets but they just don't work for me (I feel like I'm starving). Anyways, I have tried it all: low carbs and 1 meal a day but that made me sick. I've tried to ask my friends what to do but they haven't been able to help me :( Back to me - I am 5'4" and 350 lbs. Please help me!!!!!
Jessie
Dear Jessie,
First of all, your boyfriend is a horse's ass for leaving you over something superficial like your weight. As for losing the weight, it all starts with a positive attitude about yourself and loving and accepting yourself unconditionally EXACTLY AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. Once you get to that point - and by no means am I saying that's easy - it will be easier to stick to healthier eating because you will want to take care of yourself. I've found that a diet high in fiber and low in fat works for me because it fills me up without fattening me up. Also, exercise is a great way to boost your metabolism and you can start out by just walking. Whatever you decide to do, please consult with your doctor first, don't OVER do it and remember, above all else, you are a beautiful person both inside and out!
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I'm 16 years old and I weigh 260 pounds. I never had a boyfriend and everyone makes fun of me. I tried eating nothing but my mom found out and made me get help. From everyone making fun of me it causes stress and it makes me cry and eat more. I tried a million diets. I also tried killing myself. I don't like myself this way and I keep trying to lose weight and nothing happens. What do you think I should do?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Based on my own experience, strength and hope it sounds to me like you have an eating disorder. I struggled with the exact same issues you are experiencing today so I know you're in an extremely rough place. The things that brought me comfort were attending support groups (Overeaters Anonymous is a good one) where people didn't yell at me or shame me just because I didn't lose weight that week. The key here is not to worry so much about the weight but, instead, focus on loving and accepting yourself unconditionally. Once you start to love yourself, you'll want to take better care of yourself. As for diets, it's not about losing weight, it's about taking better care of your body through healthier food choices. I personally hate diets and haven't been on one in years. I do, however, try to eat a healthy balance of proteins, startches, fruits, vegetables and dairy (with the occasional junk food item thrown in!)
I honestly think at this point the best place for you to start is with a psychiatrist, therapist and/or nutritionist who specialize(s) in eating disorders. Please don't let the cruel and insensitive comments made by immature and naive people cost you your life. SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER! You are certainly a brave and beautiful person and if someone can't see that, then who really cares what they think. Any time you need to be reminded of that, you just drop us a line! :)
Bertha (filling in for Fatty)
Dear Fatty,
My girlfriend and I are in eighth grade and we're both overweight. We've gone on diets together but they never work. Some of our friends make fun of us (but they're not trying to be mean) but it starts to hurt sometimes and I want to say something. But if I do then they will just make fun of us more. Kristin weighs 165 pounds and she's only 4'7" and I weigh 185 and am 5'1". Well I hope you have good news for us on what we should do. Thank you - [we both] LUV U.
Brianna & Kristin
Dear Brianna & Kristin,
Someone once told me that there's always some truth to teasing comments made "just in fun". For example, if someone tells you you're fat and then follows up with "just kidding", they obviously must think you have a weight problem for the comment to have been made in the first place. Also, these so-called friends of your's need to understand that their remarks hurt and that "just kidding" doesn't make the pain go away.
You are both young and your bodies are still growing, so you've still got time for your weight to even out with your body. However, now is the time to get into healthy eating habits (if you haven't done so already). THIS DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD DIET. It just means you should eat healthy, balanced meals and if you feel the need to treat yourself periodically, go ahead. The key is to get used to a healthy lifestyle now while you're still young.
As for your friends, I don't care what they say - if they were truly your friends, they wouldn't make fun of you if they knew how much it hurt you. My advice on that one is to find other people to hang out with who will love and appreciate you for who you are, not what you look like. Unfortunately you're at an age where a lot of your peers put a high priority on looks but, believe me, it's what's on the inside that counts!
I know I'm not Fatty but hopefully this has helped. Feel free to drop us a line anytime! :)
Bertha (filling in for Fatty)
Dear Fatty,
I'm 15 and I weigh 200+. I mean, I never considered it a huge deal, at least not until about a year ago. I'm ashamed because I'm started to outgrow regular stores, and there's a lack of good plus sized stores in my town. I hate going to the mall with my friends becuase they could all still fit in the girls section if they wanted to. I really want my lifestyle to change, but it's so hard with my mother always ordering pizza and my fear of being seen in public. Do you have any advice for me?
Wide as Tall
Dear Wide as Tall,
Let me just say this first and get it out of the way. SHAME is something we can all do without. Do not shame yourself into believing that you are ugly because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!! Ice cream comes in all different flavors. Birds are all different colors. Fish are all different sizes - dont you think that we as humans can be all different flavors(personality), colors, and sizes? Once you start believing what I tell you, you will be able to conquer your weight.
Hang in there!! You will make it. Write me as often as you need to.
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I'm 12 years old and I'm 5'4 and weigh about 98 lbs. I'm a dancer so I exercise about 18 hours per week, but I hate the fact that I have big ribs and big-boned legs. I know that theres a lot of muscles on my legs and not a lot of fat, but as a dancer, slim legs look a lot nicer. And about my ribs, they don't look flattering in a body-suit because they practically take over my stomach. Not to brag, but i do have a flat stomach, but it seems like you can't tell that by looking at me because my ribs make my top half look larger. I also have a small chest so I think I look strange with ribs sticking out of my side. Anyway, I respect the rest of my body and love my natural beauty, I just hate my legs and ribs. What should I do?
Allie
Dear Allie,
It sounds like you have issues with your body that I cannot solve. You are going to have to love yourself unconditionally or you will never be happy. Another issue that you may not be aware of is that you are probably underweight. Your BMI is 17 and that is very very low. So reason that your ribs are sticking out is because you are smaller in places that you probably shouldnt be. Your body's natural size is determined by your ribs. You cant change that. As far as your legs are concerned, I cant imagine at your weight that you are all that big there either. I think you may need to seek some professional help with your outlook about your body. You are young - so maybe being underweight isnt going to affect you so much - but later in life believe it or not, there are as many health risks for being severely underweight as there are for being overweight.
I know I probably have not answered your questions like you want to hear them but I haven't had experience with what you are going through and can only refer you to go seek advice from someone who can truly help you.
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I think it's really great that you are helping so many people!!! If only there were more people in this world like you. I am not fat and am not a girl but I have had my emotional problems. I was suicidal for a year and now I'm better. I try to help those who are going through what I did. I guess it's a similar thing, but I need to reach more people. I might start a site like you. anyway, I have a friend called Sahra and according to her BMI she is overweight and by a bit, too. Her BMI is 30. She is 16 and suffers great emotional pain. Some of her "friends" call her fat and she thinks she is because she doesn't get many boyfriends. I personally don't think she appears fat at all, not that that is important. Unfortunately, though, she is now attempting to starve herself. Despite my best efforts to prevent it, she is going through with it and it is not healthy. She is exercising which is great but her food intake is dwindling to an incredibly tiny amount and I'm worried. What should I tell her to convince her to stop?
Call Me Joshua
Dear Call Me Joshua,
I think that it is admirable that you wish to help your friend. You can tell her the facts. They are - starving yourself will cause your body to hold on to every fat cell it has in preparation for the lack of food. It will then begin to eat the muscle because that is its highest source of energy. The truth of it all is that the only way to truly burn excess fat is by toning your muscle.
Now if she doesnt believe you, then send her here http://www.anred.com/medpsy.html. This is a good reference of the medical and psychological effects of starvation and purging.
Unfortunately, teenagers suffer great cruelty from teasing done by schoolmates. It is something that has happened over and over and will probably never stop. Until your friend learns that what they say isnt important - then she may never stop what she is doing. The fact is that she is a beautiful, unique, and wonderful creation and no one can take that from her.
Recommend weight watchers or something the equivilent. They have great plans for teenage girls. Also - maybe a talk with her parents might be a good idea. I dont know how involved you wish to be in all of this but it sounds like you care so maybe a talk with her parents wouldnt hurt. Also - tell her about our site and have her read this response. Let her know that it is her that you wrote about. The fact that someone cares for her may be a great jump start to her esteem.
Hang in there Joshua - but remember - only your friend can change herself.
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I love your website. I think it's great for us teens to have someone to look up to that feels good about themselves and who they are. I am 5'5", 16 years old and between 155-160 pounds. I have a lot of friends that are way smaller than me and it makes me feel bad about myself. I feel that eerything I wear is wrong and don't feel good wearing it. My mom tells me I look great for what I weigh and everybody is like, "Man! I thought you weighed like 135 or something." It might be true but it doesn't make me feel better. I don't think I'm comfortable about my appearance. I have two older sisters and one of them is 21, 5'3" and 200. I just don't want that to happen to me. I feel hopeless.
Coby Feels Fatty
Dear Coby Feels Fatty,
If you dont want to end up like your sister, then don't. You can change your behavior now so that your life is impacted later. You can start an exercise routine and start eating healthy. If you become more active now - just by walking everyday for 20 mins, then you won't ever have to worry about your weight. Make it fun too - put on headphones and listen to your favorite music.
As for feeling bad next to someone smaller than you, I know how you feel. Even now I have insecurities too. But you know what I found out? Most of those girls are insecure too. I have a friend who looks just like Jennifer Lopez and the only way she feels like she is pretty is to get all the guys to fall at her feet. I always wonder why someone could be so pretty and so stupid at the same time. True love comes from within and you dont have to flirt, beg, binge, starve, cry, steal, manipulate, cut open a vein for it. When you love yourself, truly love yourself, people see that and they want it too - so they want to be around you. That is how I meet people and meet men - on the days that I am truly happy with the way I look - maybe its my hair or my eyes are really green that day - or my makeup is perfect - those are the days when I meet good, nice, healthy people (as well as the undesireable men who want to you know what - but you can shoo them away).
Feel good Coby! You know that you want to. It's a decision only you can make. How you live your life is all up to you. Good Luck and hang in there!
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
Where to begin... well, I'm 20 and about 5'7" and weigh a whopping 159 lbs. I wasn't always FAT. I used to be so thin up until about last summer and I hate it now. My family is the hardest on me with the name calling. They think it helps but really it just makes me feel so much worse about myself. I've been really depressed and been put on anti-depressants but I know if I could just be think, things would be OK. I honestly don't know why I gained so much. I haven't changed eating habits and I don't eat a lot of junk. I have the occasional binge but I usually end up purging afterwards. I wish I could have the self confidence that you guys have. I hate myself and what's worse is I've even started self-harming so now I'm not just fat and disgusting, I have scars and cuts to make me even uglier. I guess if you guys could just give me some advice on how to get my self confidence back that would be good. Thanks.
Chubby Monkey
Dear Chubby Monkey,
I'm not usually the one to respond to these but after reading your message I just felt I had to say something.
First of all, I'm bipolar. It's a disorder I've struggled with for more than half my life but I'm proud to say I've now been med-compliant for almost 2 years. However, it took almost 20 years of fighting against doctors, medications and therapy for me to finally understand and accept my condition. And during those years, my weight has gone up and down repeatedly. Part of that is due to the medications I've been prescribed. Part of that is due to the depression. And, of course, part of that is due to horrible eating habits and lack of exercise. :) Anyway, I mention all this because some of your weight change could be attributed to the anti-depressants you're taking. I'd suggest talking it over with your doctor and pharmacist.
As for the cutting, binging & purging and low self-esteem, please please PLEASE discuss this with your doctor and tell him/her what's going on. I think once you get to a point where you can learn to love and accept yourself unconditionally, the cutting and purging will stop. But we're not professionals and your doctor can't help you unless he/she knows all the details. If you have one of those kinds of doctors who wants to shame you for your actions, GET A NEW DOCTOR! During 25 years of therapy, doctors, etc. I've seen so many I could write a guide. *grin* Seriously, though, make sure you connect on some level with your doctor so you can get the most out of your treatment.
Finally, I don't know what the "normal" weight range is for a 20 year old female who is 5'7" nor do I really care. What I do know is this - I'm 5'9" and weigh close to 300 pounds and I'm trying to get down to 200 (I think my ideal weight is between 145 and 165). So, while you may be over your desired weight, you are by no means morbidly obese.
So, my best advice would be to start learning how to love yourself unconditionally and become your own best friend. Once you accomplish that, I'd be willing to bet everything else sorts itself out. Just remember to take it slowly and be good to yourself. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and anytime you forget that, feel free to e-mail me or Fatty for a reminder! :)
Peace,
Bertha
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