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Dear Fatty,
I'm 15 years old, 5'5 and weigh 155 pounds... I am told all the time that I look around 140, but my siblings (8 of them) are all either babies or real skinny. My older sister uses the insult "fatass" and such against me all the time. I was previously 181 pounds, bulimic, cutting, and depressed. I am no longer bulimic and I don't cut, but I have a lot of family/friend drama getting to me and my self esteem has pretty much dropped to hell. Any advice?
TiredOfDrama
Dear TiredOfDrama,
I think that the best thing that you can do is to put things into a different perspective. I am very proud of you for overcoming your eating disorder and problems with self mutilation. You are a strong person to have done that and I don't think that you realize just how strong you are. There are people who live their whole life and never stop doing those bad things to their bodies. Now having said that - be strong enough to ignore your siblings. I had brothers who used to ask me to put a bag over my head rather than be seen with me in a public place. It hurt me deeply and I wish that I knew then what I know now - which is that later in life, they will regret having said it and will regret scaring you.
Also - start telling yourself how exceptional you are. You are STRONG!! you are beautiful!!! You are AWESOME!!! And God loves you. If anything you can count on - that is one of them. Be at peace with yourself and love yourself - let all these bad people in your life be just a bunch of BLAH BLAH BLAH when you talk to them. It will work out - I promise!!!
I lived through 18 years of that - and look at me now!! Confident, independent, beautiful, smart... I could go on but you get the idea.
Hang in there - you can make it through this.
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I'm a 14 year old and I'm somewhere between 5'3-5'4. I weighed 170lbs in January. It's now April, and I've lost ten pounds. Granted, it's not a lot, seeing how the safe size for people my age and height is 135-145lbs, but I am still proud. However, I'd been up and down through the 160s ever since 7th grade (I'm in 9th now). In January, my step-brother called me fat, and I started cutting myself. I used a razor, a knife, anything sharp, actually. Now, I'd hate to say it, but I think the only reason why I lost weight is because I stopped eating everything I wanted. I ate whenever I HAD to. I know cutting myself is bad for me, and I know starving myself is also bad, but I just... it makes me feel needed. The people in my school (a private one, might I add), are all skinny, blonde, and blue eyed. And, I'm fat, brunette, and brown eyed. So, technically, I feel... bad. They always complain about how they feel fat, and that they had to buy a size one in pants because she didn't fit in the other ones. And well, now I'm blabbing. But do you have anything that might keep me from--- starving myself? I don't really think I should stop the cutting, because, I personally find comfort in it. But I don't find comfort in starving. Thanks in advance.
Jenn
Dear Jenn,
I am going to be blunt with you and this is going to hurt your feelings - but know this first off - I am only trying to help you. I am not a professional and I am not a doctor BUT - I know that what you are doing to yourself is more than BAD - it is fatal. People die from starvation and from self mutilation. Cutting yourself is a big signal of something deeper and more important than your weight. You need to go right now and find someone you can talk with who is trained on how to handle something like this. If you continue what you are doing - YOU WILL DIE!!!
Jenn, it breaks my heart to read your email because I can't imagine that cutting yourself brings you comfort. Is there no one in your life who loves you without conditions? Even *you* dont love yourself enough to not hurt yourself. I am concerned Jenn - because teenagers are cruel and you are letting them dictate how you feel about yourself. Why dont you do what YOU wish to do with your weight?
Now - one more thing. I noticed that you said that when you cut yourself, you feel comfort. People who are alcoholics find comfort in alcohol. People who are drug addicts find comfort in drugs. Serial Killers find comfort in killing. Comfort is not necessarily a reason to continue something bad. Please Please Please Please get some professional help.
I love ya Jenn - and I hope that you live to see the 10th grade because none of these people are worth all that. Take care!!
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I am 19 years old. I am 5'10" and I weight 168 pounds. I hate being this fat - what should I do? I hate my image, I work out all the time, I dance and go to the gym every day. I am a vegetarian - a true one that won't eat anything that has to do with animals - no dairy or anything. What is wrong with me?
SadlyLarge
Dear SadlyLarge,
Your body mass is 24% which means you are in the Normal Range (19.1 - 25.8). This means YOU ARE NOT FAT. I think that maybe someone has given you some reason to believe that you are fat. The ideal body weight for someone who is 5' 10" is from 165 - 169. You are even in that range as well.
I think that you need to look into ways of improving your self image. Lemme tell you - it works! Pretend you have a friend who needs encouragement about their self esteem. Write little notes to that friend and then stick them all over your house - on the bathroom mirror, on the rear view mirror of your car, on the alarm clock, on the refrigerator.
As far as what's wrong with you - NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU! *smile* Society is the messed up one - not you. Another thing to think about is that if you are working out and going to dance and the gym, your muscle is going to weigh more than fat would. So your weight may not be a true way of measuring your BMI (that thing before that was only 24%).
Take time to tell yourself how wonderful you are instead of asking what's wrong with yourself. You are a dedicated, goal oriented independent young woman who can become anything she wishes if only to do it.
Don't give up - I think you are beautiful and I havent even seen the physical aspect of you. Hang in there - because you can do anything you *think* you can.
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I am 14 years old and I am in the 9th grade. I weigh roughly 165 lbs. but I wear a size 7 or 9 in jeans (juniors). I can't understand why I don't look hideous and huge but weigh so much. All my friends are like, "OMG YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WEIGH 135 OR SOMETHING!" Are they just being nice? I go for walks/jobs 5 times a week and do 50 crunches every night. It's really weird. Why do I weigh so much - am I just in fat girl denial?
Denial Fat Girl
Dear Denial Fat Girl,
You are NO WHERE NEAR FAT!!! Seriously, if you are that active, you have built up a good bit of muscle mass. Muscle is more dense than fat and weighs more per square inch than fat does. I think the key thing to remember also is that it only really matters what YOU think not what THEY think because, in your realm of reality, YOU are the most important person in the world.
Take care you 'fat girl wannabe' *grin* (a joke by the way if you didn't know)
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
Thank you for your site, I'm 5'11 and 116kg. I've always been big, but just recently I've been told that I have a medical condition and need to lose a considerable amount of weight. In fact, I need to become skinnier than I've ever wanted to be. I feel really uncomfortable, I don't want to get sick again, but I'm a size 18-20, and can't imagine being much smaller than this, having only been a 16 at my smallest. Not only that, but my fiance adores me the size I am. Do you have any suggestions for me on how to get used to the idea that soon I won't be a fat girl anymore?
Kat
Dear Kat,
I think the first step into making this a positive transition is to buy into it. You will have to continue to tell yourself that this is a good thing. You life 'depends' on it is another way you can make it transitional. I know that you have great self acceptance now, but I am sure that with your resolve, once you begin to assimilate with your new body, you will find the strength to gain new acceptance.
Good luck and know that the power to do this is within yourself.
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I am about 5' 6" and I am 220. The problem is that I'm a dyke and it seems like there are no other chubby or fat lesbians out there! All of the dykes like the butch slender girls. I really would like to have a relationship, but I feel like I have to lose weight to be the stereotypical lesbian. I'm an outgoing, energetic, 18 year old, funny artist and I'm looking for any dyke who wants me for me! So should I diet like crazy just to be someone's girlfriend???
Lesbian At Large
Dear Lesbian At Large,
Should you diet like crazy? NO! Not just to please others. Believe you me, there are lesbians out there who like 'em large too (happen to know this personally). If you are outgoing and energetic, then believe me, the right girl will come along. Don't sell yourself short. Dieting may seem like an 'odds increasing' act but in the long run, only you can make yourself attractive to others. If you think that you are 'less than' then others will think it too. Be proud of yourself and exude confidence. It will pay off in the long run - I promise!
Good Luck!!! and may the force be with you!
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
Hi, I am 15 and weigh 170lbs. Naturally I'm a bigger girl which is ok but I don't feel comfortable showing things like my midrift, etc. (WITH GOOD REASON) which I think I would if I was at a better weight and flattened my stomach, etc. I was just wondering if you had any suggestions for what I could do. I currently play tennis every day after school for 2 hours but it doesn't seem to be reducing my weight. I have never had a boyfriend and, while I know it's not something I should base my life on, it would be nice to have someone to be with. If you have any words of advice I'd really appreciate it. If not, that's ok too. Thanks for at least reading what I had to say.
Jealous
Dear Jealous,
Tennis is a pretty active sport so I can't imagine that you would need to increase your activity level. Maybe you could do some specialized weight lifting and exercises for the midrift area like crunches and nautilus equipment. Also maybe you need to evaluate your intake for the day. You could be burning a whole bunch of calories but taking in a whole bunch more.
Second - as far as the boyfriend thing is concerned, I can't really tell you anything other than to be yourself. The right guy will come along and when you least expect it, you will find an accepting partner. But you are going to need to be patient in your quest. In the meantime, why not do things that make you feel happy with yourself, whether it be going out with friends, getting your nails done or going shopping. I've found that when I feel good about myself, I radiate and people are drawn to me. Self-confidence is an amazing thing!
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I am 14 years old and I weigh 105 pounds. I feel so fat when I put on jeans and I feel paranoid that I look too chunky. Do you think I should lose weight?
Help
Dear Help,
Feeling like you are fat is something that we all go through as big girls. I could tell you to lose weight - but really why should it matter what I think. What do you think? Should you or shouldn't you? Only you can be the judge of that. I think that it is the person inside along with acceptance of yourself that will give you the answer. Good Luck!
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
My grandmother likes to put both my mother and I down. The problem is that, while we've gained weight (we were both underweight at some point in our lives), we aren't particularly overweight now. I'm 5'10, and I've never been over 145lbs. My mother is around 5'4 and 150lbs.
We've tried to be polite with her, but nothing seems to get through to her (extremely skinny) little head. Lately, after I've lost some additional weight, she hasn't been targeting me as much as she has been my mother, comparing my 18 year old shape to my mother's 48 year old one.
Grandmother's getting older, and she isn't the healthiest woman out there, and I'm concerned that this hazing is going to cause a rift to be stuck between the two of them when she dies. Is there ANYTHING that I can do to help these two patch things up? Grandmother really needs to realize that, whether we are overweight or not, commenting on every little bite of food we eat isn't the way to form a good relationship. I just don't know how to get her to understand this, or how to get my mother to forgive if not forget.
Scrawny "Chubby" Girl
Dear Scrawny "Chubby" Girl,
When family members treat you bad, unfortunately you only have two options. First, you can be very blunt and direct to the family member who is bothering you and tell them how you feel. Or second, you can forget they exist and have nothing to do with them.
Get grandmother and mother together and look at grandmother and tell her very plainly - "You are making us hate you with what you say and we don't want to do that. We love you but if you don't stop saying the things that you do, we are not going to be able to be around you. Do you know that what you says hurts me? And do you want to hurt me?"
It is going to be hard but it is something I have had to do with my parents.
Good luck,
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I am 5'3", 240lbs and totally sexy. I am funny, outgoing and intelligent. In short I have no problem with my self-esteem or, in turn, my weight. However, my family is constantly up my ass about losing weight, dieting, exercising. I see no reason to subject myself to the tortures of dieting when I'm already happy. Unfortunately, I know that my family's concern is for my health and not the way I look. Is there any polite way to tell them to mind their own damn business?
2 Cool 2 Diet
Dear 2 Cool 2 Diet,
Well in short - I would be honest with them and let them know that I am thankful for their concerns - but that you are not going to change. Only you can make those decisions for your life. Sometimes we think that telling someone something that may make them angry with us is the wrong thing to do. Well - actually the opposite is true. Communication is so important because even though Hollywood has tried to convince us that we can read each other's minds, we can't. And if you are polite and calm in your manner when you talk to them, whether they get hurt or not is out of your hands. It is always better to tell the truth - when done the right way.
Good luck telling them off! *grin* j/k and snaps to you for your outlook!
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I just wanted to know if there is any advice you can give me a person who has been overweight her how life.Ii have been trying to lose weight for awhile and it would work out for a few days and then I would go back to the normal eating habits. Can you please help me?
Kim
Dear Kim,
Not long ago - maybe a year - I had resigned myself to always being fat. never losing weight - because I just couldnt. So then what I did was start to do things that would make me feel better about how I looked. Go get a makeover or have my nails done or buy a more feminine blouse. I accepted who I was and that there are beautiful things about me. I would focus on those attributes that I liked - such as my eyes - they are my favorite part of my body. So when I thought that I was ugly, I would go to a mirror and look at my eyes. Silly as it sounds, it works.
Then in July, I decided to change my entire life. The trick to changing is to know that you will fail at times. So I started eating better - changed sweets to fruits, drank more water, ate more veggies, kept a journal - and then finally, I started losing weight. But you see, that wasnt my ultimate goal. Being more healthy and steady is still my main goal. If you go awhile on a diet, then get tired, you can always eat like you want for a day then go back on it - but stay steady to your goal.
Never deny yourself something that you like. But eat it in moderation. Also - find other new interests that may keep you busy so that you wont want to eat. Also - take time to walk. Exercise is the best for your mentallity as far as eating right goes.
Good luck - you can do it if you really want to and you can email me at any time you need some reassurance.
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I am a 27 year old mother of two and weigh approximately 330 lbs. My fiance is wonderful and my weight never seemed to matter to him, but I am so self conscious in bed. He likes me to wear skimpy and see through things and I think it's just disgusting. What do I do?
Thanks,
Rebecca
Dear Rebecca,
I believe that what goes on in the bedroom is private - meaning NO ONE SEES IT BUT YOU AND THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH. *grin* That is the part about it that I like most.
So - wearing skimpy clothes makes you uncomfortable - maybe you could steal some self-confidence from acknowledging to yourself the fact that your fiance thinks you are a hottie! You are only doing this to make him happy and nothing more. You want him to know how much you want him and know that you are desired too. So I would concentrate on the passion you are creating between you two.
I bought this nighty one time that was red - I thought it was the most disgusting thing I had ever seen - but I went back and found another nighty that was a different color and a different style. Maybe you could look around for some skimpy clothes that make you feel more comfortable too. There are some tasteful things out there, you just have to find them.
Good luck and remember - you are beautiful - and NOT disgusting!
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I am 16 years old, 5'4" and 145 pounds - is that fat?
Ashley
Dear Ashley,
I went to ediets.com and asked their online calculator what your Body Mass Index came out to. You are 24.97 and that is considered normal for you height. So you are fine! You can go check out that website and see for yourself.
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
I'm 14 years old and I wear a size 15. I weigh 180 pounds, and I've been called fat I don't know how many times. Usually it never bugged me, because I just ignored them, but the latest incident really upset me. I don't know why. I've tried diets and exercise, but I can never stick to the routine, and my parents always tell me "You need to eat more" and cook extremely greasy and unhealthy food. I love the food, it's just...It's things like that that sidetrack me from the diet. I know that people come in every shape and size, but it doesn't seem to be the case in Virginia. The girls at my school all seem to be scrawny little b**ches that like to hurt people's feelings. It's embarrassing when I shop for clothes, because my mom goes with me and she's like "HERE'S A 15!" very loudly. I've tried talking top her about it but it doesn't seem to help. Can you please try to help me with my multiple problems?
Megan
Dear Megan,
First let's start with some facts - there are some beautiful people who wear your size clothes - Cybill Sheppard, Marilyn Monroe, Rosie O'Donnell to name a few. So that size that you are in is not one that is really considered fat.
Second - I am in a size 28 which is double yours - and the only thing that I feel embarassed about in a store is when I pay too much money. Be proud of who you are and what you have inside you as well as out and the embarassment that you feel will fade.
People (especially teenagers) are cruel - unfortunately - so we have to learn to endure or else we become that lone gunman who enters a school and starts shooting because of the constant teasing (a fact you may want to mention to the skinny bitches). So I know that being the special person that you are - because God only hand picks those with the spirit to endure ridicule and rise above it to have the stature that we do - you will rise to the occasion by believing that these skinny bitches cant dictate who you are or how you feel about yourself - else they snap under your grasp. *grin*
Hang in there Megan and also consider talking to your mom about what she cooks for you. Get a book from the library and teach her what foods cause you to gain weight. Frank, honest, and most importantly - love filled conversations are the key to letting your parents know what you need from them.
Fatty
Dear Fatty,
So many of the letters on your page are about people who have a problem with being fat! :( I am a fat girl, always have been! (5'4, 215lb ish) Recently I was elected to a leadership position in my college and I honestly have so many friends I can't always remember all their names! I have to say that really, it's all about how you think of yourself! I never sell myself short, and know that people will love/like me no matter what I look like if i like myself! Anyway, I just wanted to give ya'll a positive fat letter for all the sad ones ya get! :)
Brandy
Dear Brandy,
GOOD FOR YOU!!! I am glad to hear that you are doing what I have done in the past and put myself ahead of the game by believing in myself. It is true that people see you as you see yourself. On days when I look in the mirror and like what i see, people compliment me more and more. But on days when I look in the mirror and say YUCK - no one even approaches me. So you're 100% accurate. Keep going girl because you are an example that we will all want to watch!
Fatty
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