During the past 7 years, I have watched Melrose Place rise to the occasion, sink to new depths, and rise again. While some storylines were priceless, there were others that stank so bad I had to disinfect my television after they aired (can you say "Season 6"?). Here, in no particular order, are my Top 10 choices for "Worst Storylines":

1. Sam marries Billy then cheats on him with Idiot Baseball Boy who eventually schemes with Jennifer who is having an affair with Billy - and they all live HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

2. Alison practically gives herself a coronary as she flips out for ONE FULL EPISODE over the fate of Betsy - her car.

3. Hailey introduces himself to Alison and proposes a scheme to break up Billy and Brooke but, instead, marries Alison, takes her on a boat ride where he announces they're leaving the country, falls overboard and dies, only to have Alison discover he'd secretly divorced her weeks earlier. Was there a purpose to all that and I just missed it?

4. Jake and Alison survive 4 years as friends, 1 year as a couple, a fire set by Jane, Billy's rage, a miscarriage, and a marriage but nonchalantly agree within a 48-hour-period that Jake should run away to Ojai with his son (whom he met only once) and his son's married mother while Alison takes off for Atlanta. A weak storyline for each of them to exit on, indeed. A better one would have been for them to get run over by the Spice Girls' tour bus, driven by ME.

5. One word: Coop. Never have I seen a character with so much POTENTIAL go to waste.

6. Jo meets Dominick. Jo dislikes Dominick. Jo, for lack of anything else better to do, pursues Dominick but still keeps trying to change him. Dominick leaves country. Jo goes with him.

7. Sydney and Jake have a relationship for no more reason than the fact Laura Leighton and Grant Show were an item in real life. I don't see Richie Sambora running to be on this show, do you?

8. Sandy meets a guy who gives the egotistical princess a little too much attention so she gets Jake to go rough him up and the whole thing ends nice and quiet and cotton-candy peaceful all within the time frame of one hour.

9. See the rude actor Alan act like a spoiled brat in the ER. See Doctor-In-Training Matt go tell him to shut up. See hearts and stars shooting out of their eyes as they instantly fall in love. See Alan marry his lesbian soap opera co-star in a "marriage of convenience" organized by his homophobic boss. See Matt walk out in a huff. See me lose my cookies.

10. Kyle thinks he's sterile so instead of telling his wife Amanda the news, he gets drunk, does drugs, wears Luke Perry's black leather jacket and becomes a complete ass while he successfully drags out an already pathetic storyline for over a month.