But I still wasn't prepared for it. I got to work early, figured I'd check out First Look, the News in BrieF at E!Online--I always check there first for entertainment news (the most important kind to me) and had read of the deaths of Chris Farley and Phil Hartman there before anyone else knew, minutes after they were announced. "Maybe Bob Hope finally bought the farm", I think, logging on.

Well, there was an obituary, all right--but of a different kind. The news was the top story of the day--"Melrose Place--R.I.P." is what I think I saw, and my heart fell. "Godammit! That sucks!" I said out loud, causing my co-workers to glance at me strangely, thinking maybe my PC had crashed, or I had just found out my last paycheck had bounced. "They cancelled Melrose Place," I muttered, by way of explanation. I grimly clicked on the link to read the whole story, while mentally making a list of the people I would forward the story to ASAP. Hey, maybe I could beat someone to it.

At first I thought the tone of the story would piss me off--it's about time, the show has stunk for awhile now, etc. Even though I bitch and moan about how the show has gone downhill since the end of season 5, and don't mind hearing other sites trash the show, as long as they are fan sites like Stan's or Ken Hart's--I still get defensive for some reason when I read a story in EW or E!Online ripping into the poor quality of the show. For some reason, I feel protective--probably out of loyalty. But the tone changed to one that was waaaay more depressing, talking about "the end of an era" and "the end of a generation", how the shows Generation X made popular were dying because Gen X was dead, and out with the old, in with Felicity.

Now, I always HATED with a passion the term Generation X when I was in my 20's (God, that last phrase is depressing), wanted to strangle the idiot who coined the term, and was actually looking forward to my 30's (the ONLY thing I was looking forward to about my 30's) just so I would no longer be a member of Generation X. Yet, reading how Generation X was dead, I felt suddenly nostalgic. I am turning 31 on February 7th and do not need to get any more depressed about it. I had in fact been mentally congratulating myself on handling this much better than the big 3-0 last year. I guess a small part of me was still in denial that my 20's are over. I think that part curled up and died while I read the news.

Though lately I have been feeling happier than I have in years, and not hormonal or emotional at all, I felt tears come to my eyes without warning when I read the last line: "He was not alone" and glanced at the small photo of the remaining cast, posing for the camera and smiling and trying to look optomistic. (tears went right back where they came from, though--I have no desire to have my co-workers think I have completely lost my mind. That will probably come when I ask for the day of the series finale off).

I thought of the quote from Jerry Seinfeld that actually did make me teary when I read it last year, even though I'm not a Seinfeld nut, something about how he was watching a rerun of a show and realizing, "This is what our show will be in a couple of months... It will no longer be a living thing." That was when I started to feel a little bit like someone had kicked me in the stomach.

Yes, I saw the signs, we all did. Sites like MP- Death and Departure and Ken Hart's recaps finally quitting updating their sites, because they just couldn't get excited about the show any more (for which I do not blame them). The revolving door of cast members whizzing around faster and faster. Original cast members leaving not one by one, but in big clumps of 3 or 4. Blind items in soap opera magazines referring to the dangerously sagging morale of the cast and crew. Articles talking about how if they did go out this season, they would do it with a bang. But as late as this weekend, I was reading reports that it "looked hopeful". I had wanted for the Place to go on even if it had been declining for the last couple of seasons. I figured even a crappy new episode of Melrose is better than NO new episodes of Melrose.

But, it happened. I tried to pinpoint 'the beginning of the end' and found there were probably a few moments people would bring up. Kimberly falling to the driveway outside the beach house, finally, permanently dead. Sydney, in her wedding gown, bouncing off the hood of the runaway car. Shooters and D & D finally closing their doors. A sad one for me would also be Michael selling the beach house and looking around it for the last time.

I think I also knew when I watched the "season finale' last March. I was pissed, watching Amanda stare out the window of the plane she and Rory were riding on, thinking, 'THIS is the last season finale cliffhanger?' That's the image we hang onto, waiting for the premiere? A real finale should be the hand of someone who was buried alive suddenly clawing through the dirt, or a freeze frame on Kimmy's devilish smile as her finger moves towards the button of the bomb to blow up the building.

I kind of feel a little like did when I heard Sinatra had died--he was old, it was his time, I knew his health was bad, but it still made me depressed when they showed footage of him on the news in his prime, along with his date of birth and death. Maybe a little like when Bobby Simone was killed off last November on NYPD Blue--all the promos hinted at it, I read spoilers in the tabloids that said what was going to happen, he kept getting sicker each episode--but the next day at work, I still found myself thinking, "I can't beleive they really went through with it". Or, if you want to get really REALLY sappy, (if you are eating something put it down right now) getting attached to Melrose was like getting attached to a pet, that you know has a limited life span and is only going to be around for 10 years max, and you know there's going to be a day when you have to say goodbye, but when the time comes to put it to sleep, you feel terrible.

I kept thinking during the day I read the official news, "Well, I knew this would happen", but I still was so bummed out. I'd think of things every once in a while that would REALLY bum me out. Like how I can't imagine going through the day on Monday and not thinking, "Melrose tonight!" (though the last couple years, the suspense hasn't been that great). I can't imagine, at the end of the last episode, no more "Stay tuned for scenes from the next Melrose Place." (not that they have that at the end of a finale anyway, but you get the idea). I'm sure all through the last show--they have talked about bringing departed cast members back--I will be hoping one of those two redheads will show up--hey, they never did show Syd's body. I can't imagine having to think, "Welp, guess they really WERE dead" after they don't show up.

Yes, yes, I know. I keep telling myself the same thing you are probably thinking, rolling your eyes, Oh, lighten UP, for Chrissake, Deirdre! It's just a TV show! Get a frikkin' life! Well, I already do have a life (believe it or not). My problem is that since 1993, Melrose Place is a very big part of it. Was a big part of it. It'll take a while to get used to referring to it in the past tense.

-Kitten With a Whip

Footnote--think that was sappy? Wait'll you read my post-series wrap up after the final episode airs. I'll be sure to talk about all my fond memories of the show and the moment I knew I was hooked (and turned my various friends, my husband, and my mom into fellow Melrose junkies)