We open on an ambulance making its way to Melrose Place, who no doubt has it's own personal emergency crew standing by for the amount of trauma this place has seen. Billy picks up Brooke's lifeless body (aren't you NOT supposed to do that) and hands it to the paramedics. Amazingly, Brooke is a nice rosy hue when I was sure last week she was as grey as Aaron Spelling. Alison and other tenants rush out to sing a rousing chorus of "Ding, Dong, The Witch Is Dead". As the paramedics pretend to work on Brooke (it helps if you actually OPEN the eyelid when you shine the light into it), Alison runs into Billy's apartment and emerges with the suicide note. Brooke suddenly wakes up (bummer) and tells Billy to "Get way from me, let me die!" Apparently her brush with death hasn't improved her acting.

At Wilshire Memorial, Billy visits Brooke and gets more grief from her. He apologizes for his earlier behavior and even goes so far as to say "I love you". Brooke, sporting a Demi Moore "Disclosure" hairdo and Norma Desmond manipulation, throws a little fit and asks him to promise he'll never leave her. Billy, who has obviously returned the spine he rented last week, promises.

Meanwhile at Death & Duncecap, Amanda feigns concern about Brooke on the phone with Billy when Bobby walks in. Not only does this guy look like the lost Bee-Gee but doesn't know how to knock. He came to clear things up about the "Palm Springs flirtation" and to tell how Peter slugged him the other day. Amanda not only brushes it off but says she saw the kiss as a "Goodbye kiss." With predictable Melrose timing, Peter calls to ask Amanda to dinner the following evening. When she accepts, he tells her he is inviting Bobby as well and asks if she knows where he can find him. Amanda says she has no idea, which pleases Mr. Miami.

After they hang up, Michael comes in Peter's office to give advice. Proving not only was he eavesdropping at the door but that he of all people is in no position to give advice on women. Peter informs Michael that the "road to Amanda's heart is paved with casualties, and I have no intention of becoming one of them" and then muffles some threats like, "Let's let Bobby know who he's dealing with." Michael rolls his eyes and walks away, obviously headed toward the bathroom so he can throw up.

At the beach house, Sydney's waitressing skills come in handy as she serves Jane and Alison. Jane is in the middle of trashing Jo and Richard when Jo walks in (did anyone hear a doorbell?) and says that she had nothing to do with Jane's stroke. Jane believes her but warns to watch Richard because he'll replace her with a new woman any day now, noting that "my paralysis has given me a clarity of perception" and now Stacie is wondering just who exactly writes some of this crap. Alison suggests that someone else would be the most likely culprit. But who? All of a sudden in a tyrade, Sydney starts slapping the counter with a spatula and yelling "I HATE ANTS!" Probably because they remind her of the crabs she had during her whoring days. Jo, Jane, and Alison look at her strangely and the idea hits them that maybe dear sis was involved.

Hey, its the blonde jogging goddess with her dog again! I wonder when Jake will sleep with her?

Alan is unpacking while Matt asks him questions for the lease. Alan evades most of the questions with the worst Mexican Revolutionary accent I've ever heard but we do learn that he used to live upwards of Sunset Blvd. (Apparently Brooke isn't the only one hanging out with Norma). When Matt presses him for the address, Alan gets miffed and says he has a bad head for numbers (and relationships). Matt backs off and gets his "I'm a victim" look on his face.

Sydney rushes into Kimberly's office - being her only patient and all - and tells of her fears that she is being considered a suspect. Not by the police but by far worse: The Melrose coffee clutch! Kimberly responds by comparing her situation to a hot potato game; telling Syd to dump the evidence off on someone else. Later that evening, Sydney gets into Hart & Mancini and sneaks into Richard's office but not before bumping into the cleaning man - obviously a relative of the dumb jock poolboy that Kimmy snagged. Syd puts the pills in a Ziplock bag (Plug: the next time you plant evidence to frame someone, use a Ziplock) and plants them in Richard's table drawer, being careful to not use gloves and, therefore, leave as many FINGERPRINTS as possible. She does this all in an atrocious foil-looking outfit with a fur collar! She should be jailed just on that offense.

Back at Melrose.... Billy is scrubbing Brooke's blood off the floor (little club soda will take that right out honey) when Alison walks in. She starts an inappropriate conversation about how she's feeling close to him again and how he's her "soulmate". Billy tells her to "Get out while she still can and don't come back!" Andrew Shue is liking this cruel smile and evil eyes tactic which now means that Billy can express two emotions: idiocy and cruelty. Oh Billy! Falling into the spell of the Demon Enchantress again are we?

The next day Jo and Richard discuss Jane's predicament at Hart & Mancini. Richard says they should move on and intends to start interviewing new designers tomorrow. Jo must be feeling a real loyalty trip because she says that Jane will always be her friend. She also wants to sit in on the interviews - to test Jane's theory we assume - and Richard says there is no need. A-HA!

Amanda is on the phone being bitchy to some poor exec. when Billy walks in and *tells* Amanda to give Brooke her old job back. When Amanda refuses, Billy takes his anger in being in a loveless marriage out on Amanda and tells her "show a little charity for once in your life". Amanda, wise to the spell of the Demon Enchantress, tells Billy she won't help him fall in a trap like she was in with Jack. Billy responds by saying he is bringing Brooke in and if Amanda doesn't concur he'll quit. Amanda is annoyed, when really all she has to do is say "OK, clean out your desk" and let him go back to being a cab driver/"author".

Jane, getting her physical therapy from someone who I wouldn't mind having my body manipulated by, is interrupted by Sydney. Syd starts spouting off how she thinks Richard did it and how he must be stopped before he gets Jo. Jane tells her that Richard is hardly a serial killer. Sydney responds with the best line of the show: "No, but he may be a serial stroker! We gotta bust him before he strokes again!" (Are we still talking about murder?) Laura Leighton can hardly keep a staight face during her delivery. She then goes out into the hallway and makes a phone call to the police saying she has info on an attempted murder.

Wonder when Jake's bookie was coming back into the picture? Wonder no longer. He confronts Jake at Shooters. Jake says that he paid the money off so what's the deal. Bookieboy says that according to his calculation Jake owes him a favor: Collecting a debt from some other sap. Jake tries to protest but the happy booker tells him to either do it or Shooters will be "redecorated" by the new owner.

How many outside shots of the Melrose Place sign can we show in one episode? Billy is bringing Brooke home telling her how everyone will be glad she's back. Brooke says the most intelligent thing ever: "Nobody gives a damn!" The director must have handed this scene over to his film school nephew as we see the two courtesy of camera verite. Billy walks into the bedroom and calls for Brooke. When she doesn't answer, he gets worried and starts calling for her running for room to room in true film student style. Finally he finds her in the bathroom crouched down behind the door... alive (bummer). She smiles and says, "I'm not going to kill myself ...today." (Maybe there's hope for tomorrow) Billy, Brooke and the entire viewing audience now realize that she's got him by the balls.

Kimmy comes over to Matt and Alan's place (sounds weird, I know) to welcome Alan to the neighborhood and to let us know that she officially has no friends. Matt's not home so Kimmy takes it upon herself to flirt incesently with a gay man and to inform Alan of Matt's previous murder charges, failing to mention that she herself blew up the friggin' building! Matt arrives at the scene and says, "I see you're (Alan) meeting all the usual suspects." Alan takes this the wrong way and claims he has to go to an audition and bolts out the door. (Those are scheduled so conveniently aren't they?) Matt seems upset, again, and Kimmy tells him, "I have 2 words for you: couples therapy", once again plugging her practice.

Dinner with Amanda, Peter and Bee-Gee Bobby is going well until Peter lets the cat out that he saw Bobby and Amanda's kiss. He then calls Bobby Commander Smooth and Sailor Boy and then does a little zig-zag snap which leads me to believe that maybe he should move on with Matt and not Amanda. Bobby leaves being hurt by the harsh obscenities and Amanda is not pleased. She starts to leave too but Peter grabs her and tells her that he's struggling for her, and reminds her how she'd be in prison if he hadn't helped her out of the "Jack Parezi mess". Amanda breaks free of his grasp and walks out while the table of extras in the back looks on agog!

Oh look, the Melrose Place sign again! Thanks, I didn't know where we were there for a moment. Alan walks in the next morning (Guess he got the part) and starts smarting off to Matt's inquries of where the hell he was last night. He was out for a walk thinking over his doubts (if anyone should have doubts, it should be Matt) about Matt's rap sheet. Matt informs Alan that Kimberly is the "neighborhood maniac" and then turns the tails and asks about Alans secret past. Alan lets out that he was the companion of a Beverly Hills Banker. So that means its:

A)Hayley
B)Bobby's mobster dad
C)really Norma Desmond
D)some psycho who is sure to show up and cause problems later.

Jake goes into a small diner to collect the dough for Monty the bookie. He nicely asks the owner for the dough, $235.00, whoop-de-doo. The owner gets rough and Jake has to push him down. Yes, my mom always taught me to get rough with thugs. Jake, obviously panged with guilt after the owner's wife gets involved, leaves without getting the dough.

Jo is walking down the hall at Hart & Mancini and spies Richard with a woman who looks like a model rather than a designer. He tells Jo that he can easily see her taking Jane's place, though she has little hands-on experience. Jo says, "She looks pretty hands-on to me." She then informs Dickie that she has a headache. He tells her to get some aspirin from his drawer and she finds...the planted evidence!!!

At Shooter's, Billy is now taking his anger out on a pinball machine when Jake comes in flexing his muscles, obviously still in "thug" mode. Jake then offers to buy Billy a beer, and the 2 have a little "bar/therapy" chat. When Billy tells Jake how he's obsessing over Brooke's suicidal tendencies and feeling trapped by what she might do, Jake tells him "that's her choice - you gotta take care of yourself". Billy, obviously threatened by THE TRUTH counters by asking Jake if he's good to himself and how he and Jo are doing (knowing damn well she's still with Richard). Jake is annoyed now and tells Billy "I don't need some barstool psychologist to crawl inside my head looking for trash!" which, interpreted into *English* means "buy your own beer".

Sydney goes to the cops and tries to convince them that she believes that Richard drugged Jane when "pills were brutally dissolved in her beverage". Maybe there's evidence they've overlooked... in his office. (Sydney you are an idiot). The cop jokes, "Why - did you plant it?" and then says that's a popular joke around there (O.J. reference). The cop says that he's ruling it a simple O.D. but if anything turns up like prints... Sydney then interrupts, "Fingerprints?" with a panicked expression her face and it appears she screwed up again, unless he meant Bigfoot prints.

Billy is home going through papers for work and the Demon Enchantress emerges with another "I'm ovulating" outfit on. She manipulates Billy into making love to her as her grip tightens on his... well, you know.

Gryphon's vote for best scene: it's nighttime at the beach house and Jane's asleep on the sofa. Michael sneaks in mumbling about how, now that certain senses are gone, others can intensify. He goes under the covers. Jane wakes up and grabs a vase - with her good arm - and smashes it over his head. Jane informs Michael that she only used him to get Richard jealous and actually really loathes him. The noise wakes up Sydney, who asks Michael, "You were having sex on a paralyzed woman?!" Michael stammers that he was trying to seduce Jane, so Sydney reminds him that if she *wanted* it, it was seduction, but if she didn't, it was rape. Michael turns to Jane and asks, "I was your dupe all along?" and Sydney replies, "No, you were Kimberly's dupe for awhile, then Peter's on and off." (go girl) Michael gets fed up and leaves exclaiming, "I'm moving out!" How many hands can the ownership of this house fall into?

Billy brings Brooke to work and is stopped by Amanda. Brooke tells them to "go ahead - I'll be in my office" and I'm amazed that she still *has* an office. Brooke, sporting a fabu purple outfit goes into her office and finds Alison there. Alison explains that Amanda wanted her to keep on top of Brooke's accounts but does Brooke ever listen? She tells Alison to get out of her chair, files, marriage, life. Alison storms out and when Billy asks what happened, she tells him to "leave me alone" and continues walking. Amanda gets in a "Let's take this as a lesson." Billy turns to go after Alison, but is stopped by another one of Brooke's "Billy - I need you" cries.

Bobby comes into Shooters and orders "a beer and an Amanda." Amanda is supposed to meet him there (remember no other bars in L.A.). Monty the Bookerman walks in and Jake tries to give him his own money as payment for the diner's $235.00. Monty doesn't want it and informs Jake that, since he didn't do what he was told he now owes Monty two weeks interest tomorrow. Bobby witnesses the whole scene with a great deal of interest.

Micheal is asleep in the doctors' on-call room when he wakes up to Kimberly changing her clothes and spouting off about how this is where it all started with them. She sits on the bed, half-clothed, and tells him that she could never go there again and that she wouldn't ask him to be bad. He reaches out for her but she finishes changing and leaves which leaves me with two thoughts: What's her motive and boy did she look wickedly beautiful.

Jo finds Jake in the back room at Shooters and tells him how she found pills in Richard's drawer. She doesn't know what to do and Jake is really helpful by saying she'll have to handle it on her own.

WOW! The Melrose Place sign at night!

Amanda sits alone in her apartment when there's a knock at the door. Its Bobby! (who else) and he's mad that Amanda didn't meet him at Shooters - I don't blame her, too many ex's there. He says she should just choose Peter. She says that she plans to stay in "Fortress Amanda" for awhile. If its such a fortress, how do all these people keep getting in? Bobby says that he leaves her with an, "I love you" and "You'll always be in my heart." Amanda starts to kiss him and I realize that anyone with "A man" for the first 4 letters of her name can't stay away from them for long. She pulls him inside and starts to undress him as the cheezy music swells.

Amanda tells Peter she loves Bobby. He tells her to go to hell. Alison's apartment is trashed and while Billy confronts Brooke, she throws a now infamous hissy-fit. Michael tells Sydney that he'll come home when Sydney gets rid of Jane. Sydney pushes Jane in front of a Semi. (I wonder if she'll get up and walk like Nellie Olsen did when Laura pushed her down a hill in "Little House on the Prairie")