In the first scene, we see someone hopping through the house and, with that haircut, I couldn't tell if it was Jane or the Little Dutch Boy. When Jane reaches the living room of her apartment, we see that Jake has spent the night. While offering Jane a cup of coffee, Jake gets up and I realize just how studly-bohunking-handsome he really he is. Jane proceeds to tell Jake how much she appreciates the fact that he saved her life. Jake replies, "It was no big deal", and I must agree. Personally, I think he should have let her drown. There's a knock at the door and Alison comes in to visit. Sydney follows soonafter bearing flowers, that God-awful haircut and, oh yes, let's not forget the pearls. Sydney apologizes and asks Jane to forgive her. Jake has still not allowed her to come inside the door. Sydney asks Jake if he's going to allow her to come in and, quick-witted as Jake is, he responds with, "I should probably search you for weapons". Now all of us in the real world know that Sydney is wittier than Jake could ever dream of being and tells him, "Oh, I forgot - I'm being judged by Jake the White Knight with the I.Q. of a rock!" Two thumbs up, Sydney - you go, girl! Alison drags Sydney away.

Next we get to stroll through lovely Beverly Hills, all the way into Lughead's bedroom. While Amanda and Bobby are snuggled in bed, Bobby's father calls. He informs Bobby that if Amanda Woodward is still alive there will be hell to pay. Bobby assures his father that they have nothing to talk about and hangs up the phone. I must say, watching Bobby come from his 70's hairdo to a more 90's look is really the best part of this lame storyline. At least one character in this show has good hair. FYI, this is probably the only time you will see Amanda with no makeup.

Next we see Sydney at Kimberly's office whining about her problems (as usual). Kim tells Sydney that she needs to look at her deep-seeded hatred towards her sister. I must admit that if I had a sister like Jane, I'd hate her too. Not liking what she's hearing, Syd turns to Kimberly and tells her that she thinks Kim has been scheming against her all along. Sydney then leaves her office proclaiming, "You won't get me this time!". Kimberly runs out after her and tries to reassure Sydney that she can trust her and Sydney answers, "I'd rather trust a rabid dog first" which is obviously who did her hair. Michael overhears this exchange and, after Sydney walks away, approaches Kimberly. The 2 actually behave as if they like each other, and we all know Michael just wants to get laid. Michael tells Kimberly that she should get a B-12 shot because she looks exhausted. Kimberly is smart and decides to take coffee and conversation instead. If I had to have conversation with Michael, I'd rather get a shot.

At D & D, Brooke wants to talk to Billy. She begs him to allow her the chance to work things out. Smirk-face Boy answers her by telling her she never meant anything to him AND THE CROWD CHEERS! Brooke begins to cry and walks away from Billy and runs into Alison and we don't care what happens next. Brooke asks Alison to talk to Billy blah blah blah blah blah so he'll come back. Amanda, seeing that this is a *personal* conversation, decides that there is nothing personal about D & D ever ever EVER and tells them to hit the happy work trail. She also tells Brooke that she looks like crap and should go fix herself. Last time I checked, it's against the law to harass an employee. So Brooke should go sue her for millions and trillions of dollars. (Now *there's* a storyline Aaron Spelling has never thought of.) Alison, who has just joined the "I Defend Suicidal Skanky White Girls" Club jumps to Brooke's defense and now we are all wishing it was Alison who went overboard and not Hayley. The receptionist comes in and tells Amanda she has a call waiting from Mr. Parezi. Being the smart woman she is, Amanda directly puts the receiver to her ear. See, who said Amanda was stupid? She knows how to use a phone. Lughead asks Amanda to go to dinner the following evening.

After getting off the phone with Amanda, we see Bobby in his office. In walks Alycia "I Used To Be On 'In The Heat Of The Night'" lawyer woman. She tells Bobby that he should be crooked and make a hefty campaign contribution (i.e. a bribe) to finish a business deal. Now here's where we have a heart attack. Bobby tells her, "we have to do everything by the book". Enter Mr. Peter "I Never Do Anything By The Book" Burns. Peter asks Bobby to let him in on a business deal but Bobby doesn't trust Peter and tells him to go to hell. (He didn't really tell him to go to hell - that's just wishful thinking on Carol's part.) Peter leaves his card with Alycia in case Bobby wants to get in touch with him. After Peter leaves, Bobby instructs Alycia to throw it away. However, when Alycia turns around we see that Peter has left her a message on the back of the business card which reads "Alycia - Call me".

Back at Melrose Place - go figure - Jo comes to visit Jane, who is stretched out on the sofa. Jo stumbles around the wheelchair because she doesn't know whether she should sit in it, or attach a sail to it so the next time Jane goes out to sea she'll be able to get back home again. Jo asks Jane to attend a meeting with a client who will only do business if Jane is present. Jo tries to throw guilt trip number 467,289 on Jane by telling her that Richard had helped Jane before. Jane, showing her true colors, uses that manly haircut to tell Jo that "paybacks are a bitch".

Alison goes to visit Billy who is at Jake's to talk about Brooke who is at Billy's. Alison stands up for Brooke yet again and tells Billy he should go to marriage counseling. Billy calls Brooke a "manipulative misery machine" while wearing a trance-face. Alison asks Billy if he could spare one ounce of compassion for Brooke and without skipping a beat Billy grows a spine and says, "No, I can't". Next we see Billy half-heartedly coming on to Alison asking her about what *they* had lost in the past. Alison then says something self-righteous but who cares what she said - she's a stupid bitch anyway.

Back at Hart & Mancini, (the "I Play With Barbie Dolls" company), Richard and Jo prepare to meet with a big wig about a big account. Richard tells Jo that he mislead Mr. Money Bags into believing that Jane would be present. Jo tells Richard that if she had known ahead of time she could have put on a blonde wig and stuffed her bra. Mr. "I Know Everything Because I Have Too Much Money" enters with a David Schwimmer wannabe in tow and we find out he is doing a story on Mr. Money Bags. If he really wants to know what it's like to be a complete and total dick with too much money, he should ask Ted Turner. (I love you Ted - will you adopt me?) Mr. Money Bags asks to see Jane. Richard and Jo look at each other like neither one has a clue (which we know is true) and, all of a sudden, Jane comes racing in, wheelchair a-blazing. After schmoozing with Mr. Big Shot, Jane cuts through the crowd that has just accumulated at the door with a little "beep beep". Richard and Jo look at each other knowing that Jane has alot of control over them because her wheelchair is her oyster.

Next we see Matt going to see Alan at a television shoot. Matt walks in just as Alan is kissing a woman during one of his scenes. Matt probably doesn't know whether to cry or punch the bleach-blonde bitch in the head. Alan introduces Matt to his producer as "uh, my friend". Matt doesn't exactly like to be "the friend" and tells Alan that he doesn't play games. Alan then asks Matt to stick around and tell him what he thinks about his scene and Matt tells him he's already seen it and that it needs air freshener ("it stinks").

Sydney, back at the office, is fixing her lunch and what a lovely lunch it is. She is spreading peanut butter and mayonnaise on a bagel. Michael tells Sydney that she should pay more attention to her job but I think she should pay more attention to who picks out her wardrobe. Sydney tells Michael that he should move back in with her so they can watch each other's back. She is afraid that Kimberly is out to get them. Michael is none to eager to resume living with Sydney and he tells her that her lunch selection is disgusting. Sydney replies, "You just don't know how to EAT!"

Back at Hart & Mancini, Mr. Rich Client Man tells our favorite fashion trio that they have a good thing. Jo, Richard and Jane decide it is time to put the bad blood behind them, but I say let the good blood flow - freely from Jane's neck. And with all the love and warmth and schmoozing, this whole scene looks like something from an old 70's family show - in fact, I think I hear the "Brady Bunch" theme now.

Back at D & D, Brooke and Billy are bickering during a meeting but I couldn't tell you about what because I was distracted by that stupid bobby pin in Brooke's hair that made me want to smack her in the head. Amanda tells everyone that she feels they should focus more on their professional lives as opposed to their personal ones. Someone should have given Bobby this message because he then bursts into Amanda's professional meeting. Bobby asks Amanda to go away with him for a long weekend. Alison, who has yet to leave the room because she's eavesdropping, offers to cover for Amanda. Amanda tells Bobby that she will go away with him but only after Bobby says, "I love you". Gee, if he told me that he loved *me* I'd go away for a couple of years. (Schwing!!) Amanda tells Bobby that he's a "bull in a china shop" which, by the way, is a line from a song by Andrew Hyra of "Billy Pilgrim". Amanda turns to Alison and tells her to keep an eye on things while she's gone but "no personal coups". And I'm amazed that Amanda remembers the whole D & D takeover from last year but not the fact that Peter once tried to kill her.

Next we see Peter taking a phone call from Alycia. Gee, how many ways *are* there to screw over your boss? Alycia agrees to have lunch with Peter the next day.

Kimberly agrees to allow Michael to give her a B-12 shot. She doesn't want the shot in her arm because she's afraid she'll flinch, so she asks Michael to give her the shot in a more familiar area of her body - the buttOCKS (said in the style of Forest Gump). Michael doesn't give her B-12 - he gives her truth serum. Michael begins to question Kimberly as to whether or not she is out to harm Sydney and Michael. A swooning Kimberly tells Michael that she doesn't want to hurt anybody. And it appears that truth serum also causes age regression as Kimberly now looks like a 5-year-old on crack. Michael then asks Kimberly who drugged Jane and, although she tries her best not to tell, she lets the cat out of the bag. Michael grins when Kimberly tells him that Sydney did it and asks her once again if she has any plans to hurt Michael. Kimberly begins to whine that she has no plans to hurt Michael because she loves him with all of her heart and soul - she always has, and she always will. She then throws her arms around Michael and we see Michael with his "I'm gonna get me a piece of Kimmy butt" face.

Matt is perusing "serious cardiac charts" at the hospital when David, the guy who replaced Matt in his old social service position, walks up and introduces himself. After the 2 partake in a little Dr. Homophobe bashing, it is revealed that David is also gay. David needs some advice from Matt regarding some job-related crap and asks Matt if they can for a drink somewhere to discuss it. Matt agrees, but misinterprets David's intentions thinking he's being "hit" on, which isn't all that surprising when you consider how few gay men live in Melroseland and how Matt's dated them all.

Sydney storms into Kimberly's office and has a highly articulate outburst. She loudly informs Kimberly that she is going to the head of the hospital to get Kim kicked out for breach of patient-doctor confidentiality. When Kimberly refuses to give Sydney her patient file, Sydney starts digging through drawers looking for it. And for someone who never sees any patients besides Sydney, Kimberly sure does have an awful lot of files. Kimberly walks over to Sydney and tells her about Michael's trick with the truth serum. Since Michael kicked Sydney out of the beach house, Kimberly then invites Sydney to stay with her. Sydney agrees and, falling back on the sofa, echoes a sentiment many of us have when she says, "Just once I would like to end up on top".

At Dimwit & Difficult, Brooke approaches Alison asking if she knows Billy's whereabouts when a courier walks in and hands Brooke an envelope. Brooke, who hopes it's "some of Daddy's money" is horrified to discover she's being sued for a divorce by Billy.

Amanda is skipping rocks on the beach and jumping around like a 12 year old and for a minute I half-expected her to start talking to Bobby about how much she loves the Bay City Rollers. The 2 lovebirds stroll down the beach but it's obvious that something is troubling Bobby. While Amanda is on cloud 9 about being reunited with her "first love", Bobby is obviously plagued with guilt over the whole "go to LA and kill Amanda" business. Although he discloses nothing to Amanda, she tells him not to feel guilty and that all she wants is for him to be happy and love her.

With a slam of the Melrose double doors, Brooke marches into the complex and heads directly for Billy's apartment. Billy is there and has packed Brooke's suitcases and lined them up outside their apartment. When Brooke begs him not to do this, he tells her, "It's done. Goodbye" and then suggests she go live with some of her rich friends, knowing damn well she has none.

Back at the hospital, Michael tells Kimberly that he threw Sydney out to make room for the "one woman who truly loves him". Kim looks like she has a big hurl on deck and rejects Michael's invitation by calling him a bunch of names and telling him what a sleazeball he is. Michael looks genuinely surprised and I'd suggest he take the same "Clue 101" course that Billy obviously just completed with honors.

Jane is swimming in the Melrose pool when Jake comes in and stops to talk with her. As she stops swimming, she STARTS WALKING and moving her arms and it's obvious that Jane has experienced the "Melrose Miracle Recovery". She alerts Jake to the fact that she doesn't need her wheelchair and Jake says, "Yeah, I heard" which is kinda funny considering none of *US* did! Anyway, Jake apologizes for being so harsh on Sydney and Jane gets all mushy with Jake and the two kiss and then Jake falls into the pool and now I think *I'm* going to hurl.

The next day, Jane - using a cane - hobbles into Hart & Mancini. Richard and Jo are overjoyed to see her and are anxious to get to work. Jane then informs the two of them that she's had a change of heart and would rather work independently. When she tries to clean out her office, Richard intercedes and tells her the files belong to the company and that she'll have to get a lawyer and basically that he's just going to be a dick about the whole thing.

Peter's walking Alycia back to her car after their oh-so-stimulating lunch. When Peter's attempts to prod information from Alycia about Bobby's business dealings fail, he opts to go the more personal route. Peter tells Alycia that he thinks they could "benefit each other - in a number of ways" and I think what he means is that he'd like to "play doctor" with this woman.

Bobby and Amanda are finishing up dinner when a waiter interrupts them to deliver a message to Bobby. Bobby reads the message and then tells Amanda to stay at the table and not go anywhere as he himself leaves. Not being one who likes being told what to do, Amanda has a little snit and leaves the table, heading back toward her room. Once there, she is greeted by a thug and Bobby's father, who has a gun pulled on Bobby. Father "I was once married to Rhoda" Parezi first chastises Bobby for "having sex with his brother's murderer" and then tells him that he has to make a choice: his life or Amanda's.

NO EPISODE NEXT WEEK, BUT A SPECIAL 2-HOUR EPISODE IS SCHEDULED TO APPEAR IN 2 WEEKS. The voiceover says, "Two people from Melrose Place will die in tragic accidents, but which two and are they really accidents?" At the same time, we see pictures of Alison, Billy, Brooke, Jane, Jake, Amanda and Kimberly. There's also a shot of Jane and Jake rolling around together, someone (possibly Amanda) spilling a plateful of something on Sydney, Kimberly driving a car with a knife to her throat (looks like Vic) and a car accident and subsequent explosion.