Brooke, who has just been out jogging-without-sweating (good trick) is at the front desk of the Beverly Hills Hilton where she has obviously been staying since Billy grew a spine and threw her out. It appears her room key won't work anymore and she demands a new one. The clerk tells her that her credit card has been rejected and that she needs to pay off her existing balance before they can let her back in the room. In the meantime, since it's their policy to retain her possessions until the bill is paid, Brooke is left wearing nothing but spandex and her pout.

Michael is sitting in Kimberly's office waiting for her when in she walks. After she rejects the box of chocolates he hands her, he proceeds to read off all the phone messages he's taken for her so I guess maybe he and Peter won't be needing Sydney anymore. He tells Kimberly that one of her messages was from Vic which causes her to go balistic. Sensing some competition, Michael asks who Vic is and Kimberly tells him, "He's a psychopath" as if *she's* the poster child for mental health. Michael immediately offers all kinds of help, including cashing in a favor with a cop/former patient and having Kimberly move back into the beach house. She refuses his help, citing that she'd "rather take her chances with a homicidal maniac". Michael walks out in a huff and, just before he leaves, he turns to her and says, "One day you'll wake up and you know what you'll see?" And my guess was "Henry" but Michael says, "Me!" and then storms out.

Amanda and Bobby are at his place discussing the events of the previous evening and both are unbelievably calm considering. Bobby says something about how his father didn't kill him since they are connected by blood and that "this whole thing will blow over". Just then, Alycia marches in (knock much?) and informs Bobby that his gun-toting father is selling his shares in the cable company that everyone's all uptight about. Bobby is not worried about it and calmly walks away, leaving Alycia to interrogate Amanda who gives Alycia no clues as to why Bobby's father is withdrawing.

At good ol' Dipstick & Dribble, Brooke (still in her jogging outfit and some sweats) confronts Billy about her cancelled credit card. When he explains that all of their joint financial accounts have been closed, an argument over money ensues. Basically the problem is that Billy has money and Brooke doesn't. She calls him a "heartless bastard" and then walks away. Alison overhears this whole ridiculous exchange and goes to Billy in Brooke's defense, but it's obvious that Billy is deaf to her pleas. He tells Alison, "Brooke is a survivor - she'll figure some way out of this" (or something to that effect).

Peter goes to see Alycia at her office since she won't accept or return his phone calls. He tells her he wants to see her again and they both agree that their relationship can remain a secret. On that note, Alycia asks Peter to leave via the back door as Bobby is on his way in. Peter complies but, instead of leaving, he closes the door behind him and eavesdrops on Bobby's and Alycia's conversation. Bobby tells Alycia that, despite his faltering business, he needs to make a donation to the hospital since he promised and he doesn't go back on promises so I guess we're all supposed to feel warm and mushy inside now.

Back at D & D, Brooke is on the phone to her bank begging for money when Alison walks in to ask if she will be attending the meeting. Brooke tells the bank where they can stick their account so obviously she is banking at the same worthless bank as I do. She hangs up the phone and heads for the meeting, stopping at the coat rack to swap her sweatjacket with someone else's blazer. Amanda starts the meeting by ragging on Brooke for not adhering to the dress code, so Brooke retaliates by telling everyone about her hard luck and blames Billy for her current state of affairs. Billy then gets sucked into the Codependency Carousel and starts airing their personal business to the room, but quickly apologizes to his nameless, faceless coworkers. Brooke leaves, Amanda postpones the meeting (making sure to dismiss Alison individually) and then goes over to Billy to see if he's okay. Billy tells Amanda that he can't work with Brooke anymore which means, in Melrose-ese, "Fire the bitch before I slap her silly, shave her head and remove her knees".

Jane dances into a garage of Jake's that I never even knew existed and it appears that Jane has undergone the "Melrose 2-Week Miracle" as she shows no sign of ever having a stroke. Jane wants to use the garage as her new office and Jake informs her that Jo is currently using it to park her car in and Gryphon thinks that they should just do a rendition of "Greased Lightning" with Amanda as "Rizzo". Jane bats her eyes at Jake and he offers to talk to Jo about giving up her space, but only under one condition: that he and Jane not ignore their smooch in the pool. She agrees, and they kiss again, and I do believe that Josie Bissett's hair has stopped growing.

Amanda goes to Bobby and gives him her financial portfolio to help him with his company's money problems but Bobby won't take it. It's not a huge amount, but Bobby doesn't feel right taking her money. He then holds her and tells her, "I've got you and that's all I need" and then follows with, "If I lose the company, then I was meant to lose it" and this guy is a little too profound and honest and decent to even be on this show.

Kimberly goes to the jail to visit Vic, who is jumping up and down like a puppy dog at the pound and I just hope he doesn't wet on anyone's leg. When Kim first sees him, she has a brief flashback of her previous encounter with this lunatic which turns out to be the same footage they use to go into the next commercial break. Kimberly tells Vic to stop calling her and to stop writing to her as he's only wasting his time, but Vic is a man obsessed. He threatens to hurt Kim if he ever gets out and then follows that up by telling her how, "every moment of every day I'll be thinking about you" and it's no wonder this guy never had a Valentine.

Sydney has swapped her "Marlo Thomas 'That Girl'" hairdo for a shorter "Tori Spelling" bob and now it's only a matter of time before the hair bows are exchanged for plastic Barbie barrettes. Sydney is in Peter's office and he asks her to "focus her feminine charms on Bobby". Sydney asks, "What makes you think I'd sleep with someone for money?" but, before anyone can jump on this one, she finishes with, "anymore, anyway." Peter tells her he'll pay her $1000 if she gets to "first base" with Bobby, $2000 for second, $3000 for third, and then they negotiate $7500 if Sydney "gets Bobby across her home plate". Peter then tells Sydney that there is a hospital fundraiser that she must go to so Sydney informs him that she will need an expensive, slinky dress since that's what she looks best in. And I'm relieved that she didn't ask for his mother's prom dress.

Jake goes to Jo's apartment and informs her that she needs to find another place to park her BMW. When Jo asks why, Jake tells her of Jane's plans to start her new business there. Jo is obviously jealous but Jake doesn't stick around long enough to let her go into a full-blown tizzy. Jo closes the door and out of the shower walks Richard, wearing a towel and a new haircut courtesy of a weed-whacker. Jo tells Richard that Jane is taking advantage of Jake so Richard, who is more concerned with Dick, tells Jo, "take advantage of me".

At Wilshire Memorial, Matt once again bumps into David the Social Worker which is a good thing since that Alan guy gives me the willies. David tells Matt about the APLA (AIDS Project Los Angeles - thanks Renee and Ed!) Danceathon and invites he and Alan to go. Matt pulls David aside and tells him how uncomfortable he is with Alan's current job as a soap-opera "stud". David suggests that Alan may be ambiguous about his sexual orientation.

At D & D, Amanda approaches Alison and asks if she's seen Brooke yet, noting that she is going to fire her. Alison intervenes and convinces Amanda not to do it and even offers to be a liason between Billy and Brooke. Amanda starts preaching about how we all have our problems and says something like "some of us have guns pointed at our heads but that doesn't affect our work" and I think it's time Amanda got in touch with a word called DENIAL.

Matt and Alan are at a fancy restaurant having what's supposed to be a romantic dinner. However, Matt keeps complaining about how dark it is and insists Alan brought him there because Alan's not comfortable with his own homosexuality. But I think Matt's just ticked off because the only place he ever eats at is Shooter's and this restaurant doesn't have beer nuts on the menu. The two exchange "I love you"s and then hold hands ON THE TABLE and maybe Matt will get his on-screen kiss one day after all.

It's late and Amanda is in her pajamas when Bobby knocks on the door. He tells her he's spent the whole day coming up with the money to buy out the cable company but he's still a little short. He then asks for Amanda's financial portfolio which she willingly gives him. But then, instead of snuggling or talking or just sticking around, Bobby takes the money and runs.

Billy is at Shooters enjoying beer #3 when Alison walks in and gives him grief because she hasn't been able to find him and, given that this is the only bar in all of LA, it shouldn't have been *that* difficult. Billy tells Alison that he took the day off because he didn't want to be there when Brooke got fired, so Alison forewarns him that Brooke is still employed. Billy asks a reluctant Alison to dance and, as they do so, in walks Brooke. She downs a shot of tequila and then walks over to the jukebox and unplugs it. She calmly humiliates herself while trying to chastise Billy for "gyrating" in public. Jake plugs the jukebox back in and Brooke leaves. Billy tells Alison that Brooke "needs to get her act together". Jake continues the thought with, "At least enough to pay for her drink - she stiffed me!" and then he oversmiles and laughs out loud and I'm thinking, "What's so funny?" We then see Brooke walking the streets and crying and looking very lost.

Jane is in her new garage-office when Jo comes in to move her car. The 2 exchange nasty remarks and it appears to me that, if flirting with Michael *didn't* work, flirting with Jake *will*. Jane says that she was the only talent at Hart & Mancini and that Jo's only talent is "between the sheets" just as Jake walks in, catching an earful. Jo drives out and Jake tells Jane how Jo gave up this space with no notice. Jane tries to explain how Jo started it (which, technically, she did) but Jake wants no part of it. As he goes to leave, Jane asks if they're getting together later but he bows out by telling her he has to work late.

Peter's at a dress shop when he sees Amanda trying on a dress. Peter walks over to her and says, "Now that you and Bobby are a couple I guess you're going to want to look your best for those FBI surveillance tapes" so Amanda asks him what he's doing there. When Peter tells her he's "buying a dress for a friend", Amanda looks a little jealous and says, "that didn't take long". After she walks away, Peter tells the salesgirl that he wants the same dress that Amanda's wearing but in a size 2.

Michael stops Kimberly in the hospital hallway to tell her he got in touch with his "cop friend" who informed him that Vic got a 15-year sentence. Kim is obviously relieved, so Michael tries to use this to his advantage by first flirting with her and then asking her to lunch but Kim turns him down AGAIN. When Michael asks her, "What's it gonna take to prove myself to you?" Kimberly responds, "A miracle".

Brooke goes to Alison's apartment and informs Alison that she's moved into a place that's "more economical". Alison offers to give Brooke some money but Brooke turns her down. Brooke then apologizes (no, that's not a typo) for her recent behavior and tells Alison she has a date with Lowell, her former fiancee. Alison thinks this is a little sudden but agrees to let Brooke borrow "something dressy". As Alison walks into the bedroom to find something (are these 2 anywhere near the same size?) Brooke calls out to her, "and some heels, too!" so poverty hasn't squelched this girl's selfishness.

Brooke, wearing Alison's "dressy dress", is at the country club alone so it's obvious that she lied about her "date". After grabbing a handful of hors d'oeuvres, she spots her ex-fiancee Lowell over at the bar with his meathead friends. She walks over to them and starts a conversation but when she suggests that she and Lowell resume dating, he turns her down. When she asks why, Lowell tells her, "Why should I? You don't have any money. Your father's dead. His estate's gone" and it's obvious this pinhead was only in it for the money. Lowell's friends laugh at this "confession" and walk away, leaving a devastated Brooke to wallow in her champagne.

Another hospital fundraiser only this time Jane's not on drugs. Amanda and Bobby arrive only moments before Sydney, wearing the same all-white dress as Amanda, and Peter show up. Amanda is furious at Peter and tells him he can see whoever he wants but not to make them a carbon copy of Amanda. Alycia then walks in and notes the tension between Peter and Amanda. At the bar, Sydney starts to put her plan into action with Bobby, but Bobby doesn't bite. Amanda walks up and tells Sydney that Bobby is "off-limits". Amanda then "accidentally" spills her red wine all over the front of Sydney's dress and tells her, "Sydney, you can put on a new dress, get your hair done and clip on some earrings but bottom line: you're still a 2-dollar hooker. You just have a new pimp." And, given that Sydney was going to return the dress the next day, "Peter the Pimp" probably isn't any too happy about this.

Peter is at home, shirtless (I guess his Playgirl interview got to him), talking on the phone to Sydney who is in Peter's office with her feet propped up on his desk like she's back in her "I run a call-girl ring" days. Peter's upset at Sydney for not scoring with Bobby the previous evening. Syd assures him, "Bobby's a man and every one of you have a weak spot. It'll just take me some more time to find his." Alycia walks into Peter's room wearing his robe and we realize that Syd's dress wasn't the only thing that got stained last night. Peter pretends he's just checking his messages and Alycia asks him if he was expecting to hear from Amanda. She also asks if they were an item. Peter tells her it was just a fling. Alycia accepts this but warns him that he'd better not have any ulterior motives for sleeping with her. Peter says his motive is "Lust, pure lust" (gag) and Alycia throws him on the bed and they mack.

Matt comes home to find that an interview is underway in his apartment. Alan is being interviewed on camera by some lame British tabloid type who makes roadkill look like a possible prom date. Alan passes Matt off as his roommate. When Mr. Roadkill asks if Alan is in a relationship, Alan responds that he's "single and loving it." Matt storms out at this and Alan chases him down (yeah that wouldn't come off as a lover's quarrel, Alan). Matt tells Alan that because he lied insteading of avoiding the question, he can "start looking for a place of his own where he can really be 'single and loving it'".

Meanwhile at Divorcees & Drunks, Brooke waits at Billy's desk. When he arrives, she apologizes for her behavior at Shooters. She lies about dating her ex-fiance in an attempt to make Billy jealous. Brooke hopes that they can be civil enough so that Billy could attend the eventual wedding. One step at a time Brookie! Alison enters wearing some spandexie outfit that makes her look like she's just cycled a 10-K. Brooke thanks her for the dress and exits with an "I'm so clever" look on her face. Billy tells Alison about the conversation and Alison points out that Brooke was probably lying for Billy's benefit. Alison further continues her, "I'm a martyr" speech by telling Billy to show some compassion - which must be the writers' favorite word because that's the umpteenth time its been used this season. After Alison exits, Billy sits and stares probably thinking, "I quit playing soccer for Zimbabwe for this!"

Look - it's Poolboy hard at work (or hardly working?)!

Jane is hard at work in her office/garage (notice the grunge band playing in the corner) and Richard walks in. He asks her what she wishes to accomplice in this "one woman sweatshop." "Success!" is her reply (the Battle Hymn of the Republic can be heard gently underneath). Richard starts looking around and spys some drawings. Jane quickly folds them up after he asks if its her new line. Richard asks, "Do you think I'd steal from you?" and Jane replies, "I *know* you would." Richard claims that any chance Jane had at success was with him. Jane retorts that he's been riding Mackenzie's and her back his whole career. They both agree that now they're just competitors, in which case Richard promises to see that Jane is run out of business.

While Brooke is leaving work, Billy attempts to apologize for being so mean with her (while Alison listens in, of course). He offers the apartment to Brooke and when she refuses, he even offers money. Brooke proceeds to rip him a new asshole by saying what a joke it is that a middle class runt is offering *her* money. She goes on to say that she's "above him" and that "the whole time I was with you, everyone knew I was slumming". After the wicked witch of the West Hollywood leaves, Alison says she's sorry and that she can now see how Billy was right.

At Wilshire Memorial, some Granny Gums nurse stops Michael to tell him that his police friend called to say that Vic was "accidentally released." What the...? How do you accidentally release someone? Oh yeah, I forgot about O.J. Anyway, Michael searches desperately for Kimmy, who is seen getting in her car. Just as she belts herself in, out pops Psycho-In-A-Box who has been hiding in the back seat of her car. Vic holds a knife to Kimberly's throat and barks at her to drive. Michael runs out and sees them leaving so he requisitions some poor schlep's car (who, by the way, makes the most of his two second appearance by milking the drama). A big car chase ensues...ooo some slamming...a near semi-collision for Mike...vroooom! Ahem, sorry. Anyway, Kim and Vic collide into a big strategically located propane tank. Michael drags Kim out of the wreckage (does *this* count as a miracle Kim?) before the car and Vic explode like 4616 on the season premiere (except that someone actually died in this explosion). That was one of our promised deaths? Some schmo who wasn't even around long enough to boff Amanda?

Back at Wilshire Memorial in the 4616 Melrose Trauma Center, Kimberly is awakening in a hospital bed at which Michael keeps vigil. He tells Kim that she only suffered a concussion (but to a girl who has had so much head trauma anyway, I'd take it easy). Kim asks about Vic. Michael tells her that "he won't bother you anymore." Melrose translation: the writers haven't decided if they are through with this storyline yet. Kimberly tells Michael that she flashed back to their accident during her crash. Michael says he thinks it was fate and he was meant to save her to wipe the slate clean from all he's put her through. (According to my calculations he's got about 4 more miracles to go).

Amanda and Alison are in one of their "whose roots show more?" meetings and Brooke barges in demanding to know why she doesn't have a paycheck. Amanda tells her that she already took an advance and used all her sick days so its no surprise. Brooke then asks if she can cash in some vacation days to which Amanda replies, "You haven't got enough vacation hours to go to the movies." Brooke storms out, obviously hassled by "The Man", and Alison tells Amanda that she thinks Brooke is having money troubles. Amanda says that if she herself lost that much she'd want to hold on to her pride too. Then she does a sassy little "whatever" toss-up and gets back to work.

It's Poolboy again! Getting her all clean for the big......you'll see!

Alan is sleeping on the couch and is awakened by Matt getting ready. Alan asks how long Matt is going to give him the cold shoulder. Matt is still angry about what Alan said to the interviewer the day before. Alan says it's a little overwhelming for him that the two most wonderful things in his life have happened to him at the same time. Matt replies, "Hmm.. let's see... your career and what else?" Alan tries to calm Matt who then turns the tables and asks if Alan would accompany him to the dance-a-thon. Alan flubs that he's not sure of his schedule. Matt snaps back, "You're not sure of a lot of things are you.....gotta go!" Now that's what a sassy Melrose gay man acts like!

At Hart & Mancini or maybe just Hart or maybe Hartless, Richard informs everyone that they'll be working until 9:00 pm due to the upcoming show. Jo gets all whiny with him and says everyone needs a day off; work is coming between them. She wants Richard to serenade her, jump in the pool with his clothes on, say "I love you" in French....anything to let her know that he still cares. Richard says that that is not his style; the show has to come first right now. Jo does the smartest thing and simutaneously quits and breaks up with him.

Sydney waltzes into Bobby's office and fakes like she's interested in cable television. She schmoozes Bobby for awhile and starts to ask about his family. She declares that she's seen "The Godfather" eleven times and sees Bobby as the sexy Al Pacino character (an oxymoron). Bobby starts to throw her out but she apologizes and flatters him about how all the nice guys are taken. She tells him that he's so nice and polite that he's a freak of nature (an understatement). Sydney then appears to actually have a change of heart and leaves. Bobby has a good chuckle.

Alison enters D & D's parking garage and notices Brooke crying in her car. Unaware of Brooke's wounded animal trick , Alison asks what's wrong. Alison notices a pillow and blankets in the back seat and figures out that Brooke has been sleeping in her car (Not boffing the masses like I assumed). Alison says that Brooke can stay with her until she gets back on her feet - oh no, Alison has fallen under the spell of the Demon Enchantress now! Brooke thanks her and they embrace sharing an actual touching moment (for lying, coniving bitches, that is).

Back at the Melrose wing of Wilshire, Mikey feeds Kimmy pudding...isn't that cute? Where's Bill Cosby? Michael remarks that its a new record for Kim not telling him to get lost. Kimberly apologizes for being so harsh lately and offers her friendship. She goes on to say how friends can hang out, go to movies. "Sex?" Michael interrupts (subtle, Mike). Kimberly tells Michael to look friendship up in the dictionary. I actually did and it says, "The opposite of any relationship on 'Melrose Place'".

It's morning and Brooke and Alison are having an "International Coffees" moment and being all NICE (blech!) Billy knocks at the door and Brooke answers. Billy barges in and talks to Allison in her room, closing the door behind him. Alison tries to explain how she found Brooke but Billy informs her that Brooke is not human but instead "an emotional vampire" which is what I've been saying all along. He then tells her that she has to pick a side. Billy opens the door and sees that Brooke has been listening, which isn't a surprise to anyone anymore. After he leaves, Brooke asks "Isn't he out of control?" Alison responds with one of her "tongue pursed at the edge of her lips" looks.

Peter summons Syd into his office to tell her to no longer act as his "Matahari" with Bobby. Syd protests that Bobby is opening up so Peter confronts her with having feelings for Bobby. He then goes on to say that Bobby is "hardly a rocket scientist, not even good looking, and as crooked as a $3 bill". Sydney defends Bobby and says that she agrees with Amanda for choosing Bobby over a meanie like Peter. Peter exclaims, "I'm not a meanie!" Recess is over kids, time to learn our alphabet.

Amanda goes to see Bobby at his office and finds Alycia. Amanda remarks how Alycia has a key to Bobby's office and home but Alycia assures her that no romance is going on. Alycia tells Amanda that Bobby is usually a player but now all he talks about is Amanda. Amanda reveals that Bobby has changed her as well, saying that her last boyfriend always kept her guessing his motives. The seed of doubt has now been planted in Alycia. As Amanda leaves, Alycia files those papers just a bit rougher.

Jo is at Shooters telling Jake about the big break-up and how now she can have exciting storylines like her days with Reed, another cute psycho. Jane enters, scaring Jo away and cornering Jake in the stockroom. She uses her now patented, "I know we want each other" bit. Jake resists... for about a millisecond and they end up in a desk dance reminiscent of the Shelly days.

Jo comes home to find Richard in the courtyard singing "Close to You" and it's obvious that he will not be invited to sing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl anytime soon. He then takes the Nestea plunge in his clothes and tells Jo, "Je t'aime beaucoup." (That's French for "I love you very much" if you didn't guess.) Jo proclaims, "How can you be such a creep and so cute at the same time?" - a question women have asked of men since the dawn of time. She forgives him and he jumps out of the pool and gives her a big wet bearhug.........PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE!!!

The Dance-a-thon: David walks outside and finds Matt waiting for Alan. Matt is about to takes David's offer to be his dance partner (Lambada!) when Alan shows up much to the dismay of David. Matt introduces Alan as his boyfriend (another frown from David - I thought he wasn't hitting on Matt?). There is a tense moment between Alan and David (Meeeeoooooooooow!) and Alan places a "this is my man" hand on Matt's shoulder. Getting the message, David goes back inside and, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I just witnessed a real Matt storyline.

Alison sneaks down to Billy's apartment to talk about the Brooke thing. Billy asks, "Is she in or is she out?" Alison says, "She'll be out by the end of the week if I have to put her up in a hotel myself." She tells Billy he was right and she should've considered his feelings. Billy tells her that he can't make it through the divorce without her and then gives her his keys in case things get messy with Brooke. (Note the soccerball key chain.) He and Alison then exchange a kiss as, yes - you guessed it, Brooke witnesses it from the window in Alison's apartment. Brooke gets all puffy, grabs what looks like a tablecloth and lays down on the couch and starts coughing. Alison comes in and tries to tell Brooke of her decision to kick her out but Brooke feigns being ill to avoid the inevitable. They agree to talk in the morning and, after Alison goes to bed, Brooke eyes Billy's keys on the table.

Look, pink fuzzy slippers! See the pink fuzzy slippers pick up Billy's keys. See the pink fuzzy slippers open the door and go down the stairs. See the pink fuzzy slippers go into Billy's apartment and into his bedroom. See the pink fuzzy slippers get slipped off along with a bathrobe. Its Brooke sneaking into bed with Billy. Billy thinks its Alison but soon realizes that her roots aren't *that* bad. He jumps up and tells Brooke to get some clothes on. She protests that she needs his arms around her. He leaves and tells her to be gone before he gets back.

Bobby comes home from a morning jog to find Sydney in his driveway. Syd says she's sorry about her romantic overtures and that she's there to warn him that someone wants him and Amanda apart. Bobby guesses its Peter (no, its Debbie Gibson) and Sydney confirms. When Bobby asks Syd why she has had a change of heart she replies that she does one good deed a year and this is it. I guess last year's was drugging Jane for humanity. She also tells him how it was Peter who made her cozy up to Bobby. He asks her if anyone else is helping Peter. She tells him she doesn't know. As she departs we're treated to more snickering fron the Bobster.

Alison is trying to get Brooke out of the bathroom of her apartment when Amanda walks in. Amanda can't believe that Alison is harboring Brooke (can anyone?) Brooke emerges to have a fit with Amanda. Amanda tells her to get a grip. Brooke retorts, "Why so I can go to my lousy job and work for my bitch of a boss?" Amanda and Alison both warn her to not say anything further but when has Brooke obeyed ANYONE? She tells Amanda, "There's something I've always wanted to tell you Amanda - KISS MY ASS!" and Amanda fires her on the spot. Alison tries to intervene but Amanda tells her that Brooke isn't worth it. Brooke goes sobbing into the bedroom.

Alan comes charging up to Matt at Wilshire Memorial and muffles, "It's all your fault." It seems that a photographer caught Alan and Matt with their arms around each other and now it will be in a tabloid. I hate to break this to you Alan but you ain't that big a star. If you were you wouldn't live at 4616 no matter how cute the residents. Matt asks what the big deal is. Alan tells him that the network wants to see him and he's afraid that they're going to write him off. As long as Melrose writes you off that's fine! Alan is worried that his audience couldn't accept a gay romantic lead. Matt tells Alan that he himself is the one who can't accept it and if he wants to see a homophobe then look in a mirror. And not just any mirror, a DAMN mirror!

Bobby comes into Alycia's office and sees her getting dolled up. He asks her who the guy is. She feels reticent but then says she's dating Peter. More Bobby chuckles. He then tells her that he needs her to go to a meeting in Palm Springs tonight and, therefore, her date is off. Alycia's a little bent about this sudden change of plans but Bobby's so nice he offers to call Peter himself and explain personally. Later, as Peter waits at the restaurant for an Alycia who will never show, in walks smug ol' Bobby. Bobby tells him that Alycia won't be coming. Peter says, "Just you and me? That's sweet but you're not my type." (Yeah right - Matt is) Bobby says if Peter wants to mess with him then mess with *him* and cut Alycia loose. Peter says no dice and they snarl as Bobby backs away.

At the beachhouse, Michael and Kimberly are playing - get this - SCRABBLE! Michael has been using naughty words the whole night and even though Kim resisted she even used "wonderbra" which explains her whole perkier than normal breasts. Michael says that these words must have a subconscious meaning and then spells out l-o-v-e (as in their mutual love). Kimmy falls for it and the two take a header off the bed and onto the floor that has seen more action than a whorehouse latrine.

Amanda is at Bobby's waiting for her cave man to come home with the latest kill when Alycia calls. Alycia asks where Bobby is and Amanda says she doesn't know. Alycia said that she thought he'd be in Palm Springs to meet her but he was no where to be found. After they hang up, the suspect in question walks in. When Bobby tells Amanda that he had late business in Palm Springs that "I've been had" look comes to Amanda's face as she realizes he's lying.

Alison is in the courtyard of 4616 with Billy, Jane, and Jake. She assumes that, since Brooke is nowhere to be found, she's free from the spell. No such luck. Brooke hobbles in drunk (or, as she puts it, "Doing my Alison imitation.") Alison wants to help but Jane says, "Alison, don't you dare help that little witch!" Brooke confronts Billy about his little "double-date" and goes on to say that leaving is the only thing he's good at. She then describes his "bedroom skills" by motioning with her index finger in her mouth as if she's gagging. As the four leave, Brooke shouts, "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" She wanders dioriented around the courtyard for awhile and slips into the pool, hitting her head on the side FARTHEST from her. She must have flown to make it. As she sinks, air bubbles expel from her mouth and she starts to be a floater. Hark! What's that sound? It's the sound of thousands of happy souls now free of the Demon Enchantress. See them fly heavenbound, so glad to finally be extricated from the evil that was Brooke.

--written by Stacie and Gryphon

There *is* a show next week, but no previews were shown!