Michael vanishes into the bedroom to enjoy his ironed underwear privately,
and then the door opens and Sydney pops in. Kimberly thinks she has
another clue to the Great Laundry Mystery, realizing that Sydney still has
keys to the beach house. "My position requires that I have complete access
to the doctors at all times," Sydney explains, as if receptionists are
paid the lavish sum of nine bucks an hour to follow their bosses around
day and night. She tells Kimberly she's there to go over the accounts,
taking off her black vinyl jacket to reveal a peach-print blouse with a
white feathered collar, which proves that she also has keys to Phyllis
Diller's house. Kimberly says that she's on to Sydney's "sneaky little
tricks," coming in to move the furniture around and iron Mikey's clothes.
Sydney is perplexed: "I have a news flash for you; I'm his office manager,
not his maid. I don't know what you're talking about." And frankly,
neither do I, but pay attention, maybe we'll figure it out together.
Kimberly accuses Sydney of trying to drive her over the edge in order to
get Michael back -- after all, what woman wouldn't go to any extreme to
hear those early morning cries of "Where's my underwear?" Yes, Michael's
quite a catch, all right. Sydney is still perplexed: "Okay, this is all
sounding a little too nostalgic for me. It makes me feel like bombs are
tick-tocking nearby." And I can't blame her for being confused; Kim is
overreacting just a leeetle bit to her magic laundry moment. Kimberly
insists that Sydney's tricks won't work; she's perfectly sane. And we all
know what that means. She's headed for another six-week vacation at No
More Victims camp! Fasten your seatbelts, kids, it's gonna be a bumpy
ride.
So meanwhile, let's all pretend for another week that we care about
Billy's career, shall we? It's the start of another workday at Dopey &
Delirious, which means that all those extras in the background have to
gear up for another grueling eight hours of walking around and pretending
to answer telephones. Amanda stands in the middle of the office yelling
confidential instructions to her lawyer, which inspires Billy to ask if
there's anything he can do to help. Amanda politely asks for his help in
ending this pointless conversation, so Billy changes the subject. He wants
to get his grubby hands on the Three-Point Shoes campaign, but Amanda has
her heart set on screwing that campaign up herself. Instead, she offers
the Midnight Sun Vodka campaign to Billy and Alison, who has been standing
around in the middle of the office all day just waiting for Billy and
Amanda to come up and have a conversation with her. The owner of Midnight
Sun Vodka is in the country for the first time from his native land of,
um, somewhere, and all the ad agencies are courting him. Alison doesn't
want to take the account "for obvious reasons," so apparently she thinks
that an advertiser has to be currently using the client's products in
order to make advertisements for them. Does this mean that Amanda's going
to try out for the NBA so she can really get a feel for her athletic shoe
campaign? Billy says he'll take the account, "but when I succeed, I
want--" Amanda cuts El Exigente off before he demands yet another doubling
of his salary, as if Amanda can keep doubling his salary every time he
lands a measly account until his weekly take-home is higher than the Gross
National Product. Amanda tells Billy and Alison to just get the account,
and takes off before Billy pulls his "I'm going to the highest bidder"
shtick again. Alison crosses her arms and tells Billy that she won't
tolerate any unethical behavior to get this account. Billy says he doesn't
recall Amanda mentioning ethics at all, so obviously he has carte blanche
to declare war on Belize if he thinks it'll help.
And just when you think you can't handle any more of the thrills and
spills of Billy's career, let's check in with an update on Richard's
career. Richard, who looks more and more like a twelve-year-old every
week, is staggering around the soggy faux jungle that was once his fashion
show, wearing what looks like a cashmere wetsuit with a big silver zipper
running down the front for easy access in case he wants to shave his chest
in the middle of the day again. (Announcing a new game for Melrose Space
fans: Count Danny's Clauses! There were at least six in that last
sentence. See if you can find the sentence with eighteen!) Jo arrives,
bent out of shape because Richard hasn't been answering her calls.
Richard says that he didn't feel like talking, and reads her a review of
the fashion show that concentrates entirely on the sprinkler "accident."
All the critics are focusing all their attention to the sprinklers, which
makes sense when you consider that the alternatives were to pay attention
to the laughable clothes, the junior-high science project volcano, and a
screaming fat naked man juggling a tiki torch. They probably focused on
the sprinklers just to save the last shreds of their sanity. Jo tries to
comfort Richard, saying that he still has his fabulous designs, but
Richard angrily tells her that he sunk every dime he had into the show.
"I'm worthless!" he yells, obviously having a sudden reality attack. "And
every time I look in your face, I'll remember that it was your stupid
volcano that ruined me." Jo grimaces: "Y'know, you can't keep blaming me
and expect to have much of a relationship." Richard gives his
twelve-year-old smirk: "Well, maybe I'm not expecting to." Ba-boom! That
sound you hear is Jo and Richard's relationship crashing into the ocean
like Skylab. Jo says not to worry -- after she finishes developing the
film, he won't have to see her again. And isn't that what everyone does
right before they break up with someone? Develop the film. It's nice to
see that some of us believe in tidying things up before we leave. Richard
goes back to sloshing around in the fake rainforest, glad to be rid of Jo
because now he'll have more free time to prepare for his bar mitzvah.
Speaking of relationships in big-time trouble (and aren't we always?),
Alan has taken over Matt's apartment to plan his wedding with Valerie and
a wedding counselor, while Matt, the most patient gay man on Earth, fumes
nearby. Alan and Valerie quibble over flowers, and Alan says, "How could
you not care? C'mon, it's our wedding." That's the last straw for Matt,
who asks for a word with his lover. Dragging Alan into the kitchen by his
hair, Matt accuses Alan of enjoying the wedding plans. "This is more
absurd by the minute," Matt whines. Alan says that if it's any
consolation, he's cleared it with Producer/Harpy Gloria to take Matt on
his honeymoon instead of Valerie. This soothes Matt, because of course
it's every gay man's dream to go on his lover's sham honeymoon. They hug,
which for gay men is Melrosian shorthand for doing it on the kitchen
table. They're interrupted by a surprise visit from Alan's parents, who
have run all the way from the East Coast because they're so thrilled -
tha-Rilled I tell ya - that their only son is finally getting married,
when for years they'd sort of been wondering if he was a little, you know,
"artistic". They greet Alan warmly and welcome Valerie to the family.
Then they meet Matt, Alan's "roommate," who they greet at about the same
level as the wedding planner. Mom looks around the small apartment,
wondering how Alan could have a "roommate" when there's only one bedroom.
Alan instantly falls apart under this interrogation, but Matt obligingly
offers the explanation that he sleeps on the couch to save rent. Alan's
parents immediately accept this obvious falsehood, so they are clearly in
the last stages of Terminal Denial. Alan takes his addled mother on a tour
of the apartment, which in her deluded world must be a palatial mansion
with servant's quarters.
So how much do we want to know about Michael and Kimberly's sex life? Not
as much as we're about to find out. They've spent the afternoon having sex
because, as you've probably heard, nobody's been getting sick in LA
recently and the hospitals have all given their staff the week off.
Kimberly gloats about this being all they've been doing lately, and
Michael tells her not to complain -- "Listen, most people would kill for
our sex life." Ooh, there's a scary thought. What kind of twisted life
would you have to have to envy Michael and Kimberly in any way? Kimberly
says she doesn't want sex to get tedious; Michael's been with so many
other women. She asks if there's anything he did with them that he doesn't
do with her. Michael is about to suggest that they have sex in a hot tub
while some nutty ex-wife of his comes in and throws a plugged-in lamp into
the water to try to electrocute them both, but he thinks better of it. Now
is not the time to bring up painful memories. Good call, Mike. He does
suggest some fantasies he's wanted to act out, including one in which he's
a plumber and she's a hot-to-trot housewife. Yes, that's a direct quote,
kids. "Hot-to-trot housewife." Michael has either been reading Penthouse
Letters or watching Happy Days reruns. "You've got a clogged drain, and I
come in with my toolbelt," he explains lasciviously. Then he glances at
the clock and realizes that he has surgery sometime soon, so he jumps out
of bed and into the shower. Kimberly stays in bed, snuggling up to the
pillow and murmuring "toolbelt" to herself. Cue the spooky music as
Kimberly suddenly sits up and says, "Goodness, I'm late for the
beautician! Betsy, you're so forgetful!" And if you've figured out what's
going on with her by this point, congratulations, you get a lollipop.
That night, Alison and Billy take the vodka company president out on the
town, and Alison finds herself trapped between her possessed ex-fiancee
and an evil little toad of a man with an unconvincing foreign accent and
an equally unconvincing hairstyle who drones on about how the American
advertisers don't understand his vodka. Alison assures him she's more than
aware of his customer's needs, so obviously she's ready to position his
product as the booze of choice for deadbeat alcoholics. "You have
exquisite lips" is his oily, non sequitur reply. Billy butts in to say
that they're going to a restaurant that "caters to the discerning crowd,"
where Vodka Man will no doubt stand out like the original sore thumb.
Vodka Man whines that all the Americans do is show him restaurants. Alison
asks if Billy has any other alternatives, and Billy has another Campbell
Brainstorm, telling the limo driver to head to the Tropicana, a strip
club. Sleazy Vodka Man is very pleased; he says that he and Billy think
alike, which is to say, hardly at all.
Cut to the Tropicana, where they've found a ringside seat right next to
the mud-wrestling pit. As two completely distracting women mud-wrestle to
the death inches from our heroes, Alison announces that she's completely
revolted. Vodka Man is happier than a talking pig herding sheep, with a
bodacious bikini babe perched on his lap gleefully accepting the twenty
dollar bills he's stuffing into her voluminous cleavage. "This is the most
fun I've had in years," Vodka Man says, so apparently they don't have
Hooters in whatever country he's supposed to hail from. "This is what my
vodka stands for!" he yells, and Billy obediently starts jotting down
ideas for cornering that valuable mud-wrestling enthusiast market. When
Alison heads to the bathroom, Vodka Claus moves the bikini babe on his lap
over a little so he can make an offer to Billy: he'll give them his
account if he can mud-wrestle with Alison. And you know, it's these
sophisticated moral dillemmas that make Melrose Place the rich font of
wisdom that it is. God bless 'em.
Billy catches Alison on her way back from the bathroom and outlines Vodka
Man's plans. Alison jumps off the deep end, yelling "Go to hell,
Campbell," and marching off to tell "that overbearing sexist creep what he
can do with his mud and his account." Alison, acting like Billy has just
asked her to murder a family of six, goes in swinging and tries to tell
off Vodka Man. He grabs her and tries to pull her in to the mud, but she
pulls away, pushing him in on his own. Billy tries to stop her, but she
manages to push him in as well before she stalks off in a huff. Both Billy
and Vodka Boy are covered in mud. This ain't gonna look good on the limo
seats on the way home, I can tell you that much.
Amanda's unwinding at her apartment when who should show up but Bobby, her
Economy-Size Boyfriend. She refuses to open the door, yelling that she has
nothing to say to him. He accuses her of not being able to look him in the
face, so she opens the door a crack, still leaving the latch on, and tells
him, "This is me telling you to leave. For the last time, go away."
Frankenstein pushes on the door, snapping the lock off the frame with a
forceful shove. Amanda backs up against the fireplace as he demands to
know why she's treating him this way, after all they've been to each
other. She doesn't answer, and in frustration, he punches his huge fist
into the wall twice, making an enormous hole in the wall and spooking
Amanda. "You're just like your brother," she spits. Then Jake comes in,
who usually seems pretty big but now looks like a puny twerp next to the
massive bulk of His Royal Hugeness. "Don't even think about hurting her,"
Jake says, as if there's a Sherman tank behind him ready to fire
thermonuclear warheads at Bobby. Bobby turns his Serious Look on Amanda
and says, "I'll fix things." Well, Bob, you could start with the door and
the hole in the wall if you want to. He leaves, and Jake the protector
asks if Amanda's okay. She shudders, "He's never gonna let me go, is he?"
She looks up at the new window over her mantelpiece, and thank heavens she
owns the building or she'd _never_ get her security deposit back.
The next morning, Amanda is getting her doorframe fixed by a repairman
that is, in all likelihood, Pool Boy with a tool belt. Alison appears in
the open doorway and, stating the obvious asks, "What happened? Did
somebody break in?!" Amanda opts not to go into the details of Bobby's
visit and instead inquires about how Alison and Billy's meeting went with
Vodka Man the previous evening. Alison starts in on her little tirade
about Billy's "unethical behavior" and suggests that Amanda fire him
immediately. Amanda tells her that Billy is her "most effective sales
rep" and shows Alison the Vodka Man contract that was messengered over to
her earlier in the morning and I'm wondering just how the hell the
messenger knew where Amanda lived and isn't that bad business anyway?
Alison chastises Amanda for enjoying Billy's ruthless behavior and then
tells her, "He's a monster... and YOU created him!" With that, she turns
and walks out.
At the hospital, David is chasing Matt down in some hallway and, when he
finally catches up to him, tells Matt that he "seems stressed out" and if
some goober co-worker were chasing me around a hospital, I'd be stressed
out too. Matt tells David that he's having a hard time with the whole
wedding business, especially since Alan's buttlick parents aren't making
it any easier for him. When David asks how Alan is handling the whole
affair, Matt sneers, "he's eating it up with a spoon". Seeing his golden
opportunity, David tells Matt, "If he forgets to consider your feelings,
talk to someone who won't" and hands Matt his phone number AND address.
Amanda goes to Billy's apartment, shows him the contract she received for
the Vodka Man account and congratulates him on a job well done. She
starts to talk to him about his unethical business tactics and tells him
about other people in the business who didn't make it as far as she has
due to their ruthless behavior when, in all reality, it's probably because
they didn't sleep with every man in L.A. Billy informs Amanda that his
only tendency is "to succeed". When Amanda counters by telling him that
she thinks he's behaving this way to "compensate for Brooke's death", he
disses his current "singing ad job" and tells Amanda, "I'm better than
that... I'm better than you" before closing the door in her face and it
appears that someone from the show saw our survey results but I highly
doubt that those who voted for "Billy to get a spine" wanted him to become
such a complete and total asshole.
Jo shows up at Richard's office to give him the pictures she promised him.
Richard walks out to greet her with, "Look - it's my own little Benedict
Arnold!" with a fake, plastic smile to match. Richard tells Jo he just
heard that she gave Jane the use of some of their cutters and asks if it's
true. When she tells him that she gave Jake the names of some cutters, Richard
makes a public ass out of himself by announcing to his entire staff that
any of the cutters who helped Jane are fired. Jo brings it to Dick's
attention that he's acting like his nickname, which only fuels his fire
more. He then announces that anyone who didn't moonlight but knew about
it are also fired. Since he's now wiped out most of his staff, Richard
finishes by firing everyone with the obvious exception of Jo, who he can't
fire since she already quit. So he tells her, "I can't fire you, but it
would give me great pleasure to have escorted out by security". Jo just
sighs, rolls her eyes, flips her hair and leaves.
It's a beautiful day and there's a beautiful church and it would be a
beautiful shot if it weren't tainted by the God-awful nasal voice of
Gloria the dogface mutant queen of homophobia. She's telling everyone
that this is a dress rehearsal and to "stay with the program" so now I'm
guessing that she's a closet homosexual since she's so adamant about
keeping Alan and Valerie "straight". Matt is standing at the back of the
church looking sullen when Alan walks up to him, followed shortly
thereafter by Valerie, who mentions she's having a hard time keeping up
the hetero facade. Mr. and Mrs. "We're So Relieved Our Son Isn't (Gasp)
Gay!" walk up then and hand Alan an envelope that contains their wedding
present to the "happy" couple". Alan opens it and discovers a one-year
lease for a "lovely, cozy canyon home" his parents found for him since
they obviously think their son is too inept to make his own living
arrangments. Seeing and hearing all this, Matt walks off and Alan goes
chasing after him. Matt tells Alan that this is all "so far gone" that he
wonders if little Alan juniors will be next. Alan tries to defend the
whole situation but Matt tells him, "This whole thing spits in the face of
our relationship". Alan mumbles some jibberish about pleasing his parents
and then tells Matt to "forget about your own selfish needs for once".
With that, Matt leaves.
Peter is fulfilling his "service" duties to Alycia at a local restaurant
when Amanda shows up, much to his surprise. It turns out that Alycia
called a business meeting with Amanda and thought that Peter would want to
be there to witness it. Alycia hands Amanda a check for half the amount
she invested in Bobby's company and tells her, "This check represents your
part of the company. If you accept it, you're cleared. If you don't, you
take the fall all by yourself" (or something along those lines). Peter
informs Amanda that Bobby devested his share of the company earlier that
morning and then advises, "Do it Amanda - sever all ties". Amanda signs
the check.
Matt shows up at David's and I have to just point out all the new location
shoots we've been treated to lately. Matt, who has been drinking, tells
David, "I need some company tonight... some REAL company" so David lets
him in. But, since these two characters are GAY, the scene ends there.
Duh.
Kimberly is at a Tupperware party doing the June Cleaver thing with her
blue frilly dress and her little white headband and even a string of
pearls so now I'm scared she's getting fashion tips from Sydney. Kimmy's
all excited that the set of containers she's interested in comes in aqua
(since she lives on the beach) and decides to order them. She hands her
credit card to the hostess who quickly hands it back because the name on
the card is "Kimberly Shaw" and not "Betsy Jones". This seems to bring
the personality we all know as "Kimberly" back to the room, who is
startled, confused and embarrassed. Kim makes a quick exit out of the
party and into her car where she sits and asks, "Oh God, what's happening
to me?" and Stacie would like to point out that she called the MPD
diagnosis over a year ago. I'd also like to point out that Aaron Spelling
must have read our survey because, not only did we get a re-spined Billy,
but it seems Kimberly is losing it. Again.
Amanda shows up on Peter's doorstep, not to sell Avon like her make-up
habits suggest but to thank Peter in person for saving her skin. She tells
him that, "You were right. I should have never gotten involved with
Bobby." Alycia's supersonic hearing kicks in and she materializes at the
door. "OH!" says Amanda, "I didn't realize you had company." Peter
confesses that he and Alycia were just having breakfast (not sex like
their hair and clothes suggest). Amanda declines his invitation to join
them and makes a hasty exit. Alycia takes yet another opportunity to tell
Peter to forget Amanda or she'll spill the beans about his involvement in
Bobby's ruin. "The closest you'll get to Amanda again is in your dreams."
she says, "So start dreaming...because I own you." (That last part was
actually said by her voiceover because the door slammed in our faces so
Peter and Alycia could have more on the floor on the desk on the oven sex.)
At Wilshire Memorial, David approaches Matt he tells him "That wasn't very
nice sneaking off this morning without saying goodbye." So I guess that
means that Matt needed a cup of sugar from David and left while he wasn't
looking or THEY DID THE NASTY! Matt explains that he was drunk when he
came over and what they did was a mistake. David asks if now that Matt has
had his fun is he going back to his boyfriend? Matt responds, "Basically."
Now these guys are acting like the gay men I know. Its clear that David
did not enjoy this snowjob (not to be confused with a noun that rhymes).
Back at Matt's swinging pad, Alan sits Gloria down and tells her that he
can't go through with the wedding because his relationship has suffered
too much; all he and Matt do is fight now. NOW? Alan is interrupted by the
phone. David anonymously asks Alan, "Do you know where your boyfriend was
last night? Because he wasn't alone." Alan can only stammer a "Who is
this?" You know, I think Melrose writers have minicams peeping into my
life because....oops did I just type that out?
Meanwhile at Divas & Degenerates, Alison busts in on Billy sitting in the
boardroom looking...well, bored! She tells him that she's gotten Amanda to
give the vodka account all to him (too many memories of Spewhilda the
vodka goddess). Billy informs her that this is impossible because he was
going to defer it to her so he can handle the bigger accounts. Amanda
walks in on this little buddy moment and asks Alison for a favor. She asks
her to call the Three Point Shoe company and reschedule her meeting with
them (which is a task for an account rep. and not some flunky secretary).
Billy listens in with interest or indifference or anxiety or...
Jo is spending a lovely evening home looking at slides when she sees
something in one of the slides that makes her get all squinty, and not her
usual whiny squinty face but an "I see something odd" squinty. Maybe
they're slides of her life and she's searching for some meaning in it.
Well, she gets to her darkroom and sees that in one of her random shots
from the fashion show/clambake Jane is holding a tiki torch up to one of
the sprinklers. "So it wasn't an accident," she says to her invisible
friend. "It was Jane."
The next day at Michael and Peter's office, Kim/Betsy comes to see Peter
much to the chagrin of Sydney who sports another black tin foil outfit.
Peter tells Sydney to "shoo" and orders "Door!" (his cute way of saying
"This is none of your business"). Kimberly shoots the breeze with Peter
about her happy life and how she can't believe its not butter but Peter
senses her cry for help and asks her if she's experiencing episodes. She
lies, "Me? Episodes? No!" like someone of her mental history couldn't
possibly be capable. As she leaves, Peter tells her that she can talk to
him if she needs to. Sydney takes the opportunity to rub it in to Peter,
"Once a lunatic, always a lunatic." (Which should be engraved above the
Melrose Place sign at 4616) She even gets in the last "Door!" when she
could've just said "Dork!"
Back at Disgruntled & Dishing, Amanda storms up to Billy and confronts him
that her assistant (would that be her real assistant or Alison doing
another favor?) said that Billy took all the shoe people files and she
wants to know why. Billy tells her that he had a meeting with them and is
now their exclusive handler. Amanda asks Billy why she shouldn't fire him
on the spot. Billy answers that he got them to double their budget so
there is no need. Amanda feels dumb but tells him that he did a good job.
Amanda gives an onlooking Alison a "Don't give me an 'I am a spineless
bitch look'" look.
At Jane's Econo Lube/Fashion Center, Richard stops by to make nice with
Jane and tell her that she won. Jane and her random extra assistant are
wearing matching kimonos and standing over another hideous Mancini
original. Richard whines that now his only money is from freelance jobs
(and hooking of course). Jane tells him she's sorry about the shape he's
in but he brought it on himself by stealing her designs. Jo rushes in like
she just ran the L.A. marathon and tries to confront Jane but Richard
ushers her out so they can leave Jane alone. While outside Jo tries to
tell Richard the sprinkler incident wasn't an accident but he says,
"Nothing's an accident I know. I brought this on myself." Jo opts not to
pursue it and Richard tells her that he's off to find himself (in other
words he's going to blow up the building) and that he has to stay away
from her for her own good. My only question is: Has "Days of Our Lives"
upped his salary?
Bobby is signing final documents that will release him from the cable
company. Alycia tells him that the D.A.'s office has dropped all charges
but now he's broke. Bobby says, "That doesn't matter because it will prove
to Amanda that I'm innocent." Alycia has an "I won" look on her face
because now that she owns the cable company, she can get that expensive
forehead reduction surgery.
Oh boy Melrose fans... a gay wedding! Uh... but its a gay man and a
lesbian. Sorry. Matt stands next to Alan as his best man so we can see
what it would be like if these two ever did get married; except the
minister would say, "You may now thoroughly hug the groom." Alan takes
this precious moment to interrogate Matt about where he was the last two
days. He accuses Matt of sleeping with David and Matt responds flatly,
"Yes, I slept with him. It was wrong. I'm sorry." Alan goes on about how
Matt was never committed (right - Kimberly was) and now this resembles
just another one of their famous squabbles. Matt hands his boutonniere to
Gloria and says, "You be the best man." He storms down the aisle and
pauses when the minister says that part about having any objections.
Valerie pleads with Alan to go after him but Alan goes ahead with the
wedding. Matt turns toward the camera and gives us teary eyes. Back to
David the human boomerang!
Michael comes home to find "Betsy" cooking dinner and the way to tell
these two personalities apart is that Betsy has that Sydney flip in her
hair. Michael thinks she's acting out one of their fantasies but when he
tries to slip her the salami, she deals him the dial soap and tells him to
wash his hands and get ready for dinner. Michael doesn't take a hint and
corners her. Betsy pushes him away and calls him a "disgusting pervert."
She locks herself in the bathroom and Michael pounds on the door. Betsy
plugs her ears, closes her eyes and starts mumbling something (presumably
"There's no place like home"). Kimberly, Henry, Betsy....the noise in
Kim's head is bothering me!
Jake walks Jane to her door and we are treated to another tonsil hockey
match between them. After Jake leaves, Jo approaches Jane and when Jane
tries to slam the door in her face, Jo stops the door and comes in. Jo
confronts Jane about setting off the sprinklers and shows her the photo.
Jo's not only a blackmailer but a liar because she compliments Jane on
that daisy reject blouse that she wore at the fashion show. Jane asks,
"What do you want - money? I don't have any." (Well you don't have fashion
sense either Jane but that never stopped you) Jo has a plan though, she
wants Jane to hire Richard as a consultant and "fix what she broke". Jo
adds a "This is fun!" and I haven't seen Daphne Zuniga act this bitchy
since her Princess Vespa days in "Spaceballs".
Amanda walks wearily up her stairs after her hard day of bleaching and
bitching and finds Bobby waiting for her. She tells him to get lost but
Bobby doesn't listen. He tells Amanda that he gave up his company and the
whole scandal is over. Amanda sympathizes with his troubles but starts to
go inside. Bobby grabs her and says. "Don't be afraid of me." I didn't
see Amanda send up the bat-signal but Peter magically appears and tells
Bobby, "Leave her alone, Parezi." The two scuffle and Peter ends up taking
a backflip over the railing. Amanda rushes to his side and starts calling
for help. Peter moans and writhes unconsciously and the cheezy music
swells so naturally I thought that Amanda was going to do an unconscious
Peter but instead the scene fades to black.
--written by Danny, Stacie and Gryphon
Alycia sits at the desk of the cable company and Bobby comes in and starts
trashing the place. Jake does the deed with some brunette who Jane later
introduces as her assistant. Kimberly tells Peter that weird things are
happening and is seen holding a knife over a sleeping Michael.
"Ruthless People"
Where is Michael's underwear? That's the question on everyone's lips these
days, and as morning comes to the beach house, Doctor Michael once again
proves himself incapable of the simplest tasks, including dressing
himself. He asks Kimberly, who snaps that they're probably still in the
wash. Kimberly, who is in no mood for games this morning, stalks out to
the kitchen and is amazed to find neat piles of clean clothes laid out on
the counter. Stunned By Laundry like a deer in the headlights, she is even
more amazed when Michael wanders by and exclaims, "You ironed my
underwear; that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard." This proves once
again -- surprise! -- that the way to Michael's heart is through his
underwear. He thanks her for her selfless and pointless act of devotion,
but she clearly has no clue what's going on.
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