Hot and horny Brooke is trying to seduce her husband as he gets ready for work, obviously trying to impregnate herself in record time. Billy walks into the bathroom and, like the big clumsy oaf he is, knocks some stuff over and somehow manages to find his darling wife's diaphragm. Only he doesn't know it's a diaphragm and probably thinks it's a custom-made condom for his little, stubby, wee-wee. But, instead of keeping Brooke's gift to him a secret and acting surprised later, he holds up the plastic case and asks "what's this?" To his horror, he discovers that Brooke has been trying to get pregnant, because she wants to have his baby out of their love or some shit like that, but Stubby Boy ain't buyin' it, and tells her that he's tired of her manipulating ways and then storms out, and Brooke treats us to one of her best pouty faces yet this season.

Matt, the 5th Beatle of Melrose, goes to Michael & Peter's Medical Office Of Make-Believe and asks Michael to sign his med school application, as if having the signature of an unfaithful, selfish, coniving, drunk-driver-girlfriend-killer, unethical doctor is gonna be Matt's ticket in. Michael laughs at Matt, but signs the paper anyway, and gets treated to a buttload of grief from Sydney, who reminds him how Matt saved his ass by changing the blood alcohol scores in the computer. And you can't help but agree with Michael that this is really, really old news and no one really cares about shit that happened more than 2 weeks ago anyway.

An angry Peter confronts Michael and Sydney about their scheme to hire an actor to portray "Henry", to which they each proudly admit having done. Just then Kimberly walks in and gives Michael and Syd flowers from "the bottom of my heart" for showing her that Henry really was a figment of her imagination and is really gone now. And all I can wonder is, how did she stop to buy flowers with that radar detector motion bracelet still strapped to her wrist. But anyway, someone slips about Amanda's husband, and a surprised Sydney tries to grill Michael for the dirt. Surprisingly, Michael keeps his mouth shut.

Back at Jack's hospital room, slimeball attorney-former-Fame-tv-show-guy comes in and tries to get Amanda to sign papers that say, in short, that if Jack dies, she doesn't get any of his money. She's all for signing them, until he starts flinging this attitude on her and, as he leaves, he tells her he was the white sheep of his family. And suddenly you understand why he is the way he is and realize that he's been boning sheep so long he has no clue how to relate to women at all.

Allison and Billy are at work, and she's asking his opinion about a dress, obviously aware of the fact that he probably has more fashion sense than "Jane the Designer", and Billy is being pissy and acting jealous about the fact that Allison is now living in Hayley's World. So he tells her to save him a doggie bag - obviously to give to his woof-woof wife, and Allison asks him what's up his butt. And he tells her in a whiny Brooke-like voice that he and his wife had a fight, and when Allison asks if he'd like to talk about it, he tells her he'll send her a memo. And all I can say is that Billy Stubby Boy had his chance and that he is more fickle than some of the women on that show.

Jane informs Richard that she has made arrangements for the 2 of them to go to Hawaii on "business", and Richard asks if it's so she can tell him how she's going to "grow to love him". Jane points out that she's still wearing his ring, and then says the trip will be "strictly business". Obviously relieved to hear this, Richard invites Jo to join them.

Jo goes to Shooters to tell Jake of her sudden trip plans, and he does the whole, tired "jealous boyfriend" routine again, and I'm beginning to think he's somehow related to Brooke with all that damn whining. Jo tells him to "grow up" and storms out and Shelley comforts him by telling him how a "Dance Night" at Shooters is going to solve all his problems.

Allison and Hayley are sitting down for dinner when the doorbell rings and she surprises him with - TA-DA! - a PIZZA! It appears it has been a long time since Hayley ever had pizza, or any couthe for that matter as he then asks Allison to go to the wine cellar to get them a bottle of wine to go with it, knowing damn well she's a recovering alcoholic. But, Twit-Girl goes to get it anyway and, while playing "Let's Make A Deal" and trying to find the correct door _to_ the wine cellar, she comes across a locked door. When she jiggles the doorknob to confirm it's locked, Hayley suddenly appears and barks at her to "Never go in there - it's PRIVATE!"

Snooping Sydney shows up at the hospital trying to find out more about Jack and encounters the slimeball attorney, who tells her to keep her nose out of Jack's business. This week's comic relief comes when Syd mumbles to herself something like "I dunno - I have a pretty long nose".

Brooke demands progress reports of "Daddy's account" from Allison, and when Brooke asks how Allison likes living in "her" (Brooke's) house, Allison replies that she finds it intimidating, so Brooke offers to make her a map, since now that her days of blackmailing Amanda are over, she obviously has nothing better to do. The subject of the forbidden room comes up, and Brooke gives Allison the key to the locked door and tells Allison it's her mother's room and that Allison should look to see why she'll never measure up to Brooke's mother. Allison, a.k.a. "Twit Girl 1995", takes the key.

Jake goes to Hart-Mancini to talk to Jo, but finds that Richard is reluctant to let him talk to her. Jane steps in to "save the day", and Jake - obviously using his caveman sniffing techniques - walks directly to the darkroom where Jo is, even though he's never set foot in that office before. He tries to make nice with Jo and tells her that he thinks Richard is after her. Jo thinks it's absurd, and when Jake asks her to his big "Dance Night", she says she'll "try" to be there.

Kimberly gets a phone call from Dr. Joyce Brothers herself who invites Kimberly to come be a guest host on her radio show. Knowing her woofer-tweeter bracelet will go off if she goes "out of range", Kimberly declines meeting the good doctor that afternoon, but makes arrangements to meet her the following day.

Allison has the key. Allison opens the door. Allison looks around an untouched room full of Brooke's mother's belongings. Hayley storms in and has a little snit and then you see where Brooke gets it from. When Hayley asks if Allison is trying to be just like his former wife, she replies with "I'm not looking for her - I'm looking for you". Deep.

At the big Shooters dance, Jake decides that Shelley's idea was so damn brilliant that she can be in charge of 2 - yes, TWO - dance nights a week! And we all thought she was just a dumb blonde. Jake is disappointed that Jo didn't show, and Shelley tells him "oh yeah - she called earlier and said she couldn't make it 'cause she's working with Richard". And Jake wallows in his beer.

Brooke and Billy kiss and make up and he buys "his woman" a beer.

Michael informs Sydney that he didn't get the Chief Of Staff position as he'd hoped when Matt walks up, showing obvious signs of too much studying and too little sleep. Michael still thinks the idea of Matt becoming a doctor is ridiculous and tells Matt he's "too nice" to ever be a doctor.

Amanda is sitting on the bar, drunk and spewing nonsense about the evil husband who just won't die. Peter picks her up and carries her home. Back at her apartment, Amanda seduces Peter who, at first, does the "perfect gentleman" thing and turns her down repeatedly. But in the end, his SCHWING wins out. The following morning Amanda, who is hungover (big suprise there) tells Peter that he took advantage of her and then asks him to leave.

Allison packs her bags and is moving out of the mansion when Hayley - whose hair is getting a lot grayer again - stops her and pleads with her to stay. She tells him that she refuses to be in any more relationships where there are secrets, so he tells her about his former wife Laurel. He claims that they had a "modern marriage", more out of convenience than love, and that they got married in the first place because she was rich AND knocked up with Brooke. He tells Allison that Brooke knows none of this (probably because it isn't true) and then is granted a "second chance". Duh.

Kimberly slams her hand in the waffle iron so that she can get her spy-decoder bracelet off and go meet Dr. Joyce as planned. When she shows up at the radio station, Dr. J. sees Kimberly's bandaged wrist and inquires what happened, to which Kimberly replies "ironing accident". Ha! Ha! Ha! - get it? *sigh*...

When Richard finds an invoice for a Hawaiian photographer whose services Jane has retained, Richard calls some woman named Ellen and arranges for Jane to be called away to New York for some bogus emergency.

Mary Poppins is back in Jack's room, only this time she's singing, and when Amanda asks her what she's so happy about, the nurse tells Amanda that Jack is doing much better and should be waking up any day. Amanda panics, runs to Peter's office and tells him that if Jack lives, she will kill him. Sydney uses the speakerphone and her tape recorder to record the conversation, and now I'm thinking, "did they teach her this in secretary school"?

Jake bumps into Jane just as she's leaving her apartment to "rush" to New York. When Jake finds out that Richard and Jo will indeed be alone in Hawaii, Jane tells Jake, "Welcome to the Friends Of Jo Club!" and I'm just glad that such a club doesn't require stupid hats or secret handshakes.

And then some trick-or-treaters come by and Jake snaps at them when they ask if he has any candy instead of the cash he's just deposited into each of their sacks. And you suddenly realize why there are no children on this show, and then sadly remember that both Jake and Jo are parents...

Back at Dumb & Dumber, Brooke tells Billy she's preggers. Billy doesn't believe her at first, but then judging by the dumb look on his face, he is convinced that he's once again going to be a daddy. Then Brooke tells him "let's not go public with this just yet" because she wants the 2 of them to share this special moment, and you just know that she's full of shit and not baby like she claims.

Michael asks Matt how his test went, and Matt tells him he's sure he failed, although he'd just like to know so they can "put him out of his misery". Michael, obviously remembering what Matt once did for him, goes into the computer and changes Matt's score of 498 (just 2 points shy of passing) to a passing score of 502.

Richard shows up to get Jo, who is still clueless that Jane isn't going with them. But when Richard tells how grateful he is that Jane was able to change her plans so quickly to accommodate New York, Jo sees that Jake was right about Richard's intentions and storms back into her apartment, refusing to go.

Sydney shows Michael her "Voodoo Lounge" tape of Amanda's conversation with Peter. Michael still won't agree to exploit Amanda's situation and tries to convince Syd that he's a "very caring person", but Sydney keeps the tape.

A highly-inebriated Jake walks into his office and tells Shelley "do me" and then flings her over his desk. Just then, Jo walks in to see "the real Jake" and, as she's walking out, Jake shouts out to her to "have a nice trip". And we wonder why these 2 just can't seem to stay together...

Amanda has her gloveless hand (fingerprints, baby, fingerprints!) all over the plug connected to the machines keeping Jack alive. Just as you think she's going to pull it, she has a change of heart, and *POOF* - Jack is conscious. He apologizes to her and tells her he'll never hurt her again. Then he reaches out to take her hand, then grabs her wrist and yanks him down towards him. A small fight ensues, Jack flatlines, and Sydney is standing in the doorway, a witness to the entire thing.

The hospital staff tries to revive Jack; Michael confronts Amanda about the fact that Jack's breathing apparatus was tampered with; Jane is on the phone with Richard telling him they had "something wonderful" and, as she asks if it's "too late", in walks Jo in a satin nightgown to give Richard a big *smooch*; Allison tells Jake that Hayley proposed to her, and we see that Billy's reaction to this is going to be to shove his tongue down her throat.