This week's episode was delayed on the East Coast by about 20 minutes because of some guy named Bill Something-or-other who was talking about Bosnia and Serejavo and doesn't he realize that Monday night at 8pm is no time to be talking about war? I mean who does he think he is - President of the United States or something??!??!?

We start exactly where we left off last week, with Amanda in Bobby's arms sobbing her little bleach-blonde head off. As Amanda pulls herself away from him, his jacket magically flies open thus revealing the not-very-well-hidden gun he's carrying. Amanda gives him grief about coming to kill her, which probably isn't the first thing I'd say to someone who has come to carry out a "hit" on me. Bobby tells her he came to see if he could help Amanda and that he's going to protect her and not kill her. Amanda has obviously had enough of being married to the mob and shouts in Bobby's face, "I'm not running from any of you anymore" and tells him if he's going to kill her to go ahead and do it. It's obvious that Amanda did him years ago and Bobby's Mr. Happy still remembers it since the next thing he says is "I love you". Amanda slaps him across the face and tells him if he's not man enough to kill her to get out and what kind of way is that to treat guests in your home?

Kimmy is tied to Vic's bed and Vic is telling her how good it feels to be the ugly, misfit, dillusional psychopath he is and then proceeds to confess some other sexual crimes he's committed. Kimberly starts screaming for help, and Vic gets in her face with his fist in the air like he actually thinks he's a man because he has her tied up and can beat up on a woman but only if she's restrained because he's too much of a puss to fight fair. Kim stops screaming and Vic tells her he has to rest because they're going to party tomorrow and Kim will get to live a whole extra day and I just hope he goes over to Sydney's and Michael's and gets some of their leftover party favors or something because a party just isn't a party without Chex Mix.

Hayley and Allison are on the yacht, sailing to the middle of nowhere, and Hayley has brought Allison breakfast in bed. And for the umpteenth time we get to hear Allison whine to Hayley about "no more secrets" and I think he keeps feeding her so her mouth will be full and he doesn't have to listen to her nagging. Allison tells Hayley she needs to call the office and now I'm really amazed she even has a job, considering I myself got fired for far less acts of irresponsibility. Hayley tells her he called Brooke and told her of their yacht trip and that Brooke promised to tell D & D that her stepmother Allison was on her second honeymoon. So Allison makes some kind of smart remark about Brooke not being the most reliable source and Hayley gets all bent and huffy and goes up on deck and I really really really can't emphasize enough how I think that mutant spawn of Brooke's was really fathered by Hayley and not Billy the Puffboy.

Mr. "Somebody-Shoot-Me-Please" Attorney is in Bobby's face yelling at him for not killing Amanda, and Bobby grabs him by the tie and tells him that he has an opportunity to do some legitimate business here and isn't going to screw it up by killing Amanda, especially since "Jack got what he deserved". Bobby then tells the loudmouth lawyer "I loved my brother and I love my father and I could care less about you" and, as he releases his grip on the attorney's tie, he adds an ominous-sounding "so be careful" and right now I'm really wishing someone would take out a hit on the loser lawyer guy or at least kick him so hard he gets kicked back into the 1980's and back on "Fame" where he belongs.

At Dyslexic & Dsyelcix (I have a learning disorder - I can say that) Brooke, Billy and Amanda are finishing a meeting with one of Allison's clients when Allison herself calls in to tell them that she's on a yacht in the middle of nowhere. As expected, Billy and Amanda had no idea where she was since Brooke conveniently didn't tell them. Allison whines to Billy to "please cover for me" and Billy isn't any too happy about this and, come to think of it, he hasn't smiled much this season or since he married Brooke and he agrees to bail Allison out but he's not very nice about it and then abruptly hangs up.

Jake is at the police station and some woman is telling him Shelly's allegations that she was provoked and used the knife in self-defense and Jake gets huffy with the woman and asks if she wants a videotape as proof, which is pretty silly considering he doesn't even have one. And he rants and raves that she took his money and was going to leave the country and just when you think they're about to lock him up for having a temper tantrum, an officer walks by and hands the woman a piece of paper informing her that there is a warrant out for Shelly's arrest in Washington state for similar crimes. The woman also informs Jake that they found a safe deposit box key in Shelly's home and will see what it leads to and contact him as soon as they find anything out. So Jake goes into this mile-a-minute proclamation of his work ethics and says: "I want my money, do you understand? I'm sick of being the only man in this screwed-up dirty city who still believes in an honest life! Right, wrong, the American way and all that crap - I'm tired of being stepped on - I WANT MY MONEY BACK!" and you get the impression that maybe - just maybe - he wants his money back.

Amanda sucks up to Peter and tells him she owes him an apology and that she's motivated by old fears and then tells him "I care for you" and then they do it on the sofa and did anyone see Amanda on Jay Leno when she said she eats things like onions and garlic and it's a running joke on the set? Well, that's all I could think of while watching this scene so I just laughed.

Sydney brings Michael (who is still in bed and appears to have slept all day) a beautifully cooked dinner of chips and salsa and then hands him the remote control so he can watch a football game on TV. After Syd hops into the shower, Jane calls and asks Michael to lunch the following day. Michael can smell bullshit and asks Jane again what she's up to so she starts telling him how she remembers all the good times only this time spices up her pat response by adding comments about how she remembers touching his chest and digging her nails into his back. Michael immediately agrees to lunch, quickly hangs up, and then nails Sydney in the shower like the horndog he is.

Kim is still tied up with Vic, only now she also has a (very loose) gag on her mouth. Vic shows Kimberly his new shiny switchblade and, after getting Kimberly to agree to "be nice", he removes the gag. He then tells her "I want to punish you for every woman that's treated me bad" and tells her how he "uses women and throws them away", to which Kimberly replies by laughing in his face. This displeases Psycho Boy so he pushes the switchblade in her face and threatens to "cut her" and Kimberly, undaunted, gets all wide-eyed and says "Oooooh - then what? Does that make you a man? A REAL man would DO ME". After toying with his brain a little more, Kim convinces him to at least untie one of her feet so she can "hold him". But as soon as he cuts the tie, she kicks him in the chest, sending him flying across the room into a wall and knocking him unconscious. Kimberly then starts screaming for help and, as the camera pulls away from her and outside the window, we see a sticker saying that the building is condemned.

After the commercial break, we're back with the Kim and Vic show, and Kimberly is reaching for the switchblade now on the floor next to Vic. She successfully picks it up with her toes and then, in a death-defying move flips the knife into the air so it lands up by her hand. She cuts her way to freedom and then ties up Vic, who has just returned to consciousness and is now very angry. When he starts threatening her again, she just smacks him in the head and says "Shut up Vic" and then promises to "mess with him" although it's still unclear to her or anyone exactly what she has planned.

Peter is under the covers with Amanda "just looking" at her when Bobby calls asking Amanda to meet him for a drink later that evening. She agrees to "just one drink" and then tells Peter the whole scoop about how Bobby is in town and how she was once in love with him and how, even though his whole family is evil, he's the exception and Peter doesn't appear to be any too happy about any of this nonsense.

On the yacht, Hayley has "called" for his darling wifey and shows her a small suitcase full of business records that the FCC "could bury" him for should they ever find them. He then hurls the suitcase overboard and tells Allison that he's broke and that he needs to go start a new life and oh, by the way, I'm sorry I lied to you and will you come with me. And, as Allison stands there in utter disbelief, she looks like she's aged 10 years in the short time she's been married to this guy.

Jake goes to see Shelly in jail and informs her that the safe deposit box is empty and that HE WANTS HIS MONEY. Shelly, who appears to have swallowed some ugly pills, tells him that she buried it, just like he buried his brother. When he tries to sweet talk her out of the money's location, she tells him that he meant nothing to her except revenge and that she planned this whole thing long before she ever got to LA and then finishes Jake off by telling him he's a chump. Jake tells her to rot in hell, and Shelly, who should consider asking Santa for a toothbrush this holiday season, cackles like a crazy woman and then sticks her lips all over the divider glass as Jake walks away and now she'll probably catch all kind of infectious diseases since everyone who has ever been to a jail knows they never clean those things.

Jane and Michael have had their cheery little lunch and are outside Hart-Mancini when Jane invites Michael inside, but he stops her and asks "where are we headed?". Just then, Richard and Jo emerge from the building, so Jane smooches her ex-husband while Richard gawks and Jo tells Richard to "grow up!" before zipping out of the parking lot.

Kim drags Vic into the police station by something that resembles a dog leash and hands both him and his signed confession to various sex-related crimes over to the detective. As she's leaving the station, Vic asks her "hey - what about our agreement" to which she informs the detective "oh yes - this is my patient and I'll see to it that he gets psychiatric care in jail" and I wonder if Vic has a Henry stuck in his head, too.

The yacht is docked in Mexico for re-fueling and Hayley has taken the liberty of unloading Allison's bags, obviously under the assumption that she will be flying home to LA. Allison tells him that she'd rather sail away with him and he tells her that he's the happiest man in the world and they hug and this girl needs a serious reality check.

Bobby and Amanda are walking along a boardwalk of some type and he tells her about his involvement in the Gulf War and how he enjoys being away from the family "business" etc. etc. He then tells her that he agreed to come to LA for the hit because he knew if he didn't then someone else would have and he didn't want her to get hurt and then he tells her she's safe now. When he tells her "I loved you very much", Amanda abruptly says "goodnight" and then tells him to leave her alone. As he walks away, Amanda flashes back to seven years earlier and she and Bobby are on the beach and it's nighttime and she tells him "don't ever leave me" and he tells her that she won't have to marry Jack because Amanda and Bobby belong together and he'll take care of it and as we return from our brief trip into yesteryear, Amanda is standing alone on the boardwalk crying, remembering how she once told Bobby "I'll never love anyone else" and I'm already bored with this mush and want bitchy Amanda to come back.

The next day at D & D, Peter is raising hell in Amanda's office because she came home late the previous evening and he was concerned about her, given the fact she was having "just one drink" with her mob connection. Before they can get into a heated debate Bobby himself walks in with roses for Amanda ("for last night") but when he turns to introduce himself to Peter, Peter just gets snotty and storms out, obviously sensing some inadequacy in the male genitalia department (read: "penis envy").

Allison and Hayley, who has been drinking heavily, are discussing different countries and sheep, and the more Hayley drinks, the angrier he gets and it's probably because he was too stupid to think of a decent way to ditch Allison. So Allison the recovering alcoholic takes the empty glass out of his hand and informs him she's going to show him how to "really celebrate" and I guess she's going to teach him how to play Scrabble or maybe even the Melrose Place drinking game.

At Burns-Mancini, Syd is wearing an oh-so-unfashionable white bow in her bouffant-looking hairdo when Amanda calls for Peter. Peter blows the call off, a fact Sydney does not hide from Amanda. Then Jane calls for Michael to invite him to a cocktail party that evening, but before she can get an answer out of Michael, he interrupts by asking her when they're going to get down to the "brass tacks, sexually speaking". I forget what B.S. answer Jane comes up with but it obviously works as the next thing you know Michael is beeping Sydney to tell her he won't be able to make it to dinner because "something came up" and Sydney vocalizes the same thing all you gutter-minds are thinking.

Kimberly and Peter are having a fancy dinner at a fancy restaurant and Peter is in a funk but doesn't want to talk about it and Kimberly tells him of her plans to quit the radio show and take a psychiatry internship at the hospital and asks Peter to help "push it through". She tells him that she has the ability to help people and Peter, being the quack that he is, flippantly agrees with a half-hearted "oh what the hell - why not?" and I guess he figures if he, a surgeon, can do it, then why can't she and I just hope Vic has good insurance.

Allison is asleep on the yacht when she's awakened by the bedroom door that's been left ajar. As she gets up to look for Hayley, she notices an empty liquor bottle on the floor. Her unanswered calls for "Hayley!" alert the boat driver captain guy that there's a problem, so he calls in a Mayday - man overboard alert.

Richard goes to see Jo at her apartment and it appears that Jo has been playing with hair dye as her hair now has blondish highlights. Jo starts spewing about her rotten luck with men and calls them "2-timing slugs that crawl on the bottom-side of relationship Hell". Richard tells her that "Jane's a virus and I'm shaking it" and then informs Jo that he's dissolving his partnership with Jane. As he shows Jo the papers he's had drawn up to prove this, he also tells her that he's starting his own business and invites Jo to "join him in the venture".

In Acapulco, a detective is grilling Allison for details of the events that lead up to Hayley's disappearance. He then informs her that Brooke has already been notified and is on her way there and that a body has been found which Allison will have to look at to see if it's Hayley. Allison is in shock but is certainly having a very "good hair day".

Sydney goes to Jane's "seeking advice from her older sister". She then tells Jane that she thinks Michael is having an affair and that she could probably even handle it unless he were fooling around with one of his ex-wives. Jane tells Sydney to take a double-dose of her meds and Sydney, uncharacteristically submissive, tells Jane "I'm not stupid" before Jane closes the door in her face.

As Sydney is leaving, Peter is entering, so Syd shoots him a "house call, Doctor?" and naturally Peter tells her to shut up. Peter confronts Amanda, who is outside taking out her trash, and they both agree that they are bullheaded and stupid and 2 of the most difficult people and therefore that makes them right for each other or something silly like that. So they agree to take the risk of a relationship and as they seal it with a big sloppy kiss, we see that Bobby is standing behind a bush watching them so he must be taking "spying on your neighbors" lessons from Brooke.

Allison is at the Acapulco morgue where she positively identifies the blue body in the drawer as her dear Hayley. As she and the detective are walking away, they run into Brooke and Billy and Allison informs them that Hayley is dead. Brooke then lunges for Allison screaming, "You killed my father! You killed my father!" and Billy grabs his hysterical wife and she breaks down in his arms as Allison sobs into a stone wall.

Peter and Bobby get into a pissing match over Amanda; at the reading of Hayley's will it is discovered that he left one million dollars to his unborn grandchild and, when Brooke asks "He left nothing to his wife?" the lawyer informs both Brooke and Allison that "Hayley had no wife - he divorced Allison a week ago".