Allison, Brooke, Billy and Hayley's lawyer are at the cemetery for Hayley's burial ceremony. After the minister finishes his sermon, Allison asks to share a few words and says something about what a devoted father, husband, and friend Hayley was and how the rose she puts on his casket symbolizes her love for him. She then walks away, and as Billy and Brooke head for their car, the police show up and inform them that they suspect Hayley of illegal business-doings and have seized his estate. Brooke is only concerned about the fact that there is "no money" and then attacks Allison saying that things were fine with her daddy before Allison came along. The police then tell Allison that they must take her in for questioning as she is a suspect in Hayley's death. As they cart her away, Billy accuses Brooke of calling the police to which a smug Brooke replies, "I had to - in the name of justice" and, if there really were any justice in this world, Brooke would go jump off a cliff and join her precious daddy in hell.

Allison is being interrogated and questioned for the umpteenth time when Allison suggests the detective go talk to the captain of the yacht. The officer gives her some kind of snippy answer, so Allison finally wises up and says she won't speak any further without a lawyer present, to which the smart-ass detective says "that would be a really good idea" but then turns around and lets her go, so either she isn't really in all that much trouble or this guy got his detective badge from the same place that the Wilshire doctors get their medical licenses.

Kimberly and Peter are at Kimberly's new hospital office and she's rambling on about how happy she is and how she got an invitation to the hospital fundrasier and she's thanking Peter when Michael storms in with an officer in tow demanding that Kimberly be moved since she has no medical papers and, therefore, no right to practice medicine. Peter then gets my vote for "best line" by saying, "You are a thorn in the butt of medical progress, Mancini". Peter then hands Kimberly's papers over to Michael, who then tells Kimberly about his plans for a "collective boycott" of all the hospital doctors, but no one (least of all me) seems to really care about Michael's plans and he leaves.

Bobby goes to Amanda's office to ask her out to lunch. Naturally, Amanda says no, so he then says he also stopped by to pull the Parezi account since he wants to "right family wrongs" and doesn't want Amanda burdened with any of the Parezi's family business. He then informs her that he has rented a house and gives her the address so she can send him the account cancellation papers and, no doubt, he's hoping Amanda will deliver them personally wearing her old cop uniform from T.J. Hooker.

Michael and med-student-Matt are doing rounds in the hospital when an argument breaks out between a patient and his visitor. Michael sends Matt over to deal with it, and it turns out the patient is an actor and the guy visiting him is his agent or manager or something. And this manager-guy is having a hissy fight because the patient broke some bones and can no longer fulfill his acting responsibilities on his latest project. So Matt throws the manager-guy out and instead of thanking Matt, the rude-actor-guy gets all pissy with Matt. So Matt agrees to leave rude-boy alone and tells rude-boy to show some courtesy to other people since they're in a hospital where people are dying. And I'm sure that the *living* patients would be more annoyed at all this shouting than those patients who have already died.

Jo goes to Shooters for a beer since obviously that is the only bar in all of LA and sees Amanda and Jake at the opposite end of the bar where Amanda is telling Jake that his second rent check in a row has bounced. Jake, who has obviously told no one about Shelly robbing him blind, tells Amanda he'll take care of it. So Amanda leaves and Jo goes over and sits down next to Jake, obviously under the misassumption that since the barstool is vacant it's an open invitation for anyone to come and grill Jake about his miserable life. Anyway, she asks Jake what's going on with his life, so Jake lies to Jo and tells her that Shelly is visiting her family and makes up other excuses for why there are no patrons in his lame bar. Jo can tell Jake's lying and tells him this, so he says something idiotic like "Do I have to give you a free beer for you to believe me?" and, seeing how Jo already has 2 beers, I don't think that plan is going to work. Jo then follows up by saying "I know you" to which Jake responds, "No you don't, and I'd like to keep it that way". Oooooooh - Jake is such a tough guy....

Brooke, Billy and Allison are at the lawyer's office for the reading of Hayley's will. The will starts out with the standard "...of sound mind" so automatically you know the will should be thrown out since Hayley was anything but mentally stable. The lawyer continues and informs Brooke that she's the executor of the will and will receive all of her daddy's wordly posessions and that Hayley left one million dollars to his unborn grandchild mutant spawn alien baby. Brooke, who has still got the dollar signs in her eyes, asks "He left nothing to his wife?" to which the lawyer informs everyone that Hayley wasn't married and that he divorced Allison a week ago. He then pulls out the divorce papers that Allison signed 2 episodes ago after Hayley tricked her into thinking they were "quit claim deeds". Brooke is a shallow, nasty bitch and, seeing as how she's more concerned with money than her dead father, I am beginning to think that Hayley's not really her father after all. Brooke turns to Allison and starts saying some ugly things that have the sound of "told you so". Billy jumps to Allison's defense saying to Brooke "I thought you weren't going to do this", but Allison stops Billy and goes on a little verbal tirade of her own. Brooke starts saying some more insensitive things so Billy tells her to "shut up". Brooke isn't finished, though, and tries to grab Allison's wedding rings saying that they no longer belong to her and that she (Brooke) should have them. Allison jerks her hand away and jumps up from her chair and, with a look of pure evil in her eyes, tells Brooke "leave" (pause) "me" (pause) "alone" and judging from the look on her face, I'd suggest Brooke not take heed of this warning because Brooke is annoying and I want her gone, even if Allison is saddled with the responsibility of getting her off the show.

Richard is dreaming of skinny-dipping with Jane when Jo wakes him up and then tells him they have "an almost-perfect relationship", explaining that when Richard dissolves his partnership with Jane all will, in fact, be perfect. They then talk about Jane and Jo is worried about Jane and Richard tells her that he'll be more than fair to Jane and that she'll land on her feet but all I know is that, obviously someone from the show is reading these updates and/or the newsgroup or maybe God is smiling down upon me because again Richard is topless so this scene kinda went past me in a blur.

At Disaster & Demon-Seed, Brooke goes to Amanda and quits her job, citing all that's going on in her life with moving and pregnancy and, oh yeah, her FATHER DIED. So Amanda takes her resignation and says she'll start looking for a replacement for Brooke, which is really pretty silly considering the job was created *for* Brooke out of blackmail and basically all Amanda really needs is another gopher which is all Brooke was good for in the first place. But then Brooke tells Amanda that, in addition to her 2-week resignation, she needs a few days off starting immediately so she can have "time to grieve". Billy overhears this heap of bullshit and comes in to the office to inform his bitch wife that her manicurist just called to confirm her appointment, so obviously Brooke isn't in *too* much pain and, again, for as little grieving as she's doing, she was either estranged from her father (bzzzzzt - wrong answer) or Hayley is either A) not dead or B) not her father. Brooke leaves Amanda's office and Amanda makes some snide comment to Billy about his wife, saying that "compared to Brooke, Allison is Mother Theresa".

And speaking of Allison, she's also working full-steam when the asshole detective who was interrogating her earlier pays her a surprise visit at work. However, he has come with good news and informs Allison that her story checked out and that Hayley's death was ruled an accident. He also tells her that, although suicide is always an option, they didn't think it was such since Hayley cashed an insurance policy a few weeks earlier and didn't appear distraught to those who saw him last. He then states that the investigation is closed, leaving Allison to ponder the finality of it all.

Sydney goes to Kimberly's new office to deliver some papers from Peter and is again wearing "big hair with a bow". Sydney is edgy and offers Kimberly a few "suggestions" of what she can do with the papers. Kimberly then asks Syd, "I sense something is bothering you", so Sydney replies with another good line from this episode: "Insane, and a rocket scientist!". Kimberly offers to help Sydney, saying that "we were the same before I got help" and then rattles off a few examples to back up her point. It obviously gets to Sydney who says she'll think about it and then leaves.

Matt has been summoned to rude-boy's room because rude-boy wants to apologize for his unruly behavior earlier. They then start talking about dads and - surprise - they have the "pushy dad factor" in common. Matt leaves rude-boy's room and, after he closes the door, does this big sigh with this big dumb dreamy look on his face, so I guess that means Matt's gonna get laid again soon. But I'd just like to know why everyone else can jump around from bed to bed to floor to sofa to kitchen counter to desk but the homosexual guy has to go through weeks and months of "mental foreplay" before he can even KISS someone!

At Hart-Mancini, Jane has no hair and is jumping around because she just got some big order. Richard is still being distant with her, so she confronts him on it, saying she'd like to be friends with him. They agree to have dinner the following evening and, as Jane turns to leave, Richard tells her "your haircut's beautiful" but I personally think it's too short and now she, too, has the "Jennie Garth looks like a boy" syndrome.

It's late and Billy is wandering around D & D in the dark when he happens upon Allison, who is boxing all the Armstrong files. Billy tries to comfort her, and Allison explains that "Hayley was her family" and that Billy's swarmy, skanky wife has been out to destroy her from the beginning. She then tells Billy "you live your life and I'll live mine" so Billy does his childish "Fine!" thing and then tells her "Have it your way" so I guess he wants Allison to go to Burger King and get a Widow's UN-happy Meal.

Peter, Amanda, Michael and Sydney - in one of tackiest dresses known to man and with yet *another* damn bow in her hair - are at the Wilshire fundraiser when Kimberly, looking downright classy and beautiful, strolls up to say hello. Some guy then gets up to the stage and announces the good news about an anonymous donor who gave the hospital $100,000 to go towards the new pediatric wing and then says that Mr. Anonymous was brought to the hospital via Peter. Everyone applauds Peter and Amanda turns to see Bobby applauding from his corner of the celebration, so she goes over to him and gets in his face for doing something GOOD and damn - does anything make this woman happy? The announcer-guy tells Peter if he brings in a few more people like that that the Chief of Staff job is his.

Allison has been called to Amanda's office so Amanda can inform Allison that, in light of Allison's recent absences and her "loss" that she's going in Allison's place to an upcoming conference with one of Allison's biggest accounts. Allison tells Amanda that "she's been through hell" and then begs Amanda "please don't punish me because of it". Amanda agrees, and Allison smiles and Amanda smiles, and now I'm wondering about Amanda's credentials for this job.

Peter is getting ready to tee off at the golf course when Bobby comes up and asks if he can join him. At first Peter says "no" but, after listening to Bobby's claims that he's "starting a business and needs some good PR" and that he's "happy Peter was there for Amanda", Peter concedes and agrees to introduce Bobby to some "quality people", so obviously the entire cast of this show is out as far as that goes.

Sydney returns to Kimberly's office, obviously seeking some counseling, and starts out by telling Kim that she's "not sure about this" but I'm just glad that there's NO BOW in her damn hair. Sydney tries using fake names while telling her story but quickly stops when she realizes that Kimberly knows damn well that "Bob" and "Edna" are really Michael and Jane. She tells Kimberly that she's almost positive Michael and Jane are having an affair, so Kimberly urges Sydney to help them along by pushing them together. Since Jane obviously can't stand Michael, she'll have to back down with her plan. After all of maybe 5 minutes, their time is up and Kimberly makes another appointment for Sydney after telling her that she won't have to pay.

Peter and Bobby are at Shooters having an after-golf beer when Jake tells them that he's closing up early, even though Peter notes it's not even 8pm. Amanda comes by to get Peter, obviously for their dinner date, and is angry to see Peter and Bobby being so chummy. She tries to storm out but, before she can, 2 federal agents come to pick up Bobby, obviously sensing that he's a lowlife like the rest of his family.

Richard and Jane are having dinner and Jane is telling Richard how the new color is BROWN *ugh* and then asks if she can come to Richard for help with her designs. And even though I know her true intentions with Michael and how manipulating she's become, I have a hard time believing that Richard can't see through this facade. But love is blind and obviously so is "Dick". After they each tell the other how beautiful the other is, Richard wimps out on announcing his plans to dissolve Hart-Mancini. Michael then shows up, obviously invited and says hello to "Richie" and now I'm wondering if perhaps Jane didn't get a lobotomy when she got that haircut since Michael makes her sick and she's already got a dinner date with Richard. Richard, feeling some conflicting emotions having to do with male competition, leaves. Just then, Sydney shows up with a bottle of wine and tries to go through with her plan to push Jane and Michael together. Michael tells her to "leave before you burst into song", so she walks away. Jane tries to get up to leave, but Michael grabs her and takes her to the dance floor. Sydney, who hasn't yet left, stands there staring at them until finally she can't take anymore and goes over to break the two of them apart. Jane gets bent and storms out, Sydney tells Michael she couldn't go through with it, and Michael tells Sydney if she does this again she'll have no place to live. Sydney then storms out which now leaves the lucky doctor with a whole bottle of wine and his imagination.

Allison is at the hotel finishing up Day One of her conference with her biggest client - Colfax Software when she sees a man in the lobby who, from the back, looks like her dead husband. She walks over to the man and is embarrassed when she finds out it isn't Hayley as she'd hoped. Allison then walks back over to the bar and orders a vodka on the rocks and, as a recovering alcoholic, I gotta tell you that that's no way to stay sober and this chick may *never* make it to her 9-month sobriety chip.

Amanda goes to Bobby's to take him the papers and Bobby looks tired so Amanda asks him what's wrong. She then looks past him and sees that his house has been turned upside-down. Bobby informs her that the FBI paid him a little visit, obviously looking for something incriminating. Amanda says something like "people can change" so Bobby asks her if she believes he's changed and she says yes and then offers her friendship ("but that's all") and then leaves and I really hope they keep this guy because he is "GOR-JUSS!"

Rude-boy is being discharged from the hospital when Matt passes by so the two talk for a moment and then Matt suggests that Rude-boy try *being* sincere and not *acting* sincere and then he offers to buy the guy a drink.

Billy is loitering around the receptionist's desk when he hears her taking a call for Allison, who is still at her conference. Billy asks her what the call was about, which is highly unprofessional, but this receptionist isn't real so I guess political correctness doesn't count so she tells him that it was a Colfax secretary calling to see where Allison was since she didn't make it to Day Two of the conference. Billy offers to take the message to Amanda but instead takes the message to his own desk where he calls Allison's hotel. When there's no answer, he doesn't leave a message and hangs up, obviously heading to the nearest phone booth to change into his Super-Ex-Fiance-Boy-Wonder costume.

OHMYGOD!!! SHOOTERS IS *NOT* THE ONLY POOL HALL/BAR IN LA!!! Jake goes to a dump of a pool hall and starts talking to some guy Monty, who remembers Jake from his boxing days. (Jake boxed?) Jake then asks him how much "loans are going for these days" and the 2 of them talk.

Billy goes to Allison's hotel room which, naturally, is locked so he cons the maid into letting him in. He first shuts off the blaring boombox and then starts running around the suite looking for Allison. Allison is out on the patio, drinking herself into oblivion and is not at all impressed at Billy's gallant efforts to help her. He tells her he "came here to save your job and, from the looks of it, your life as well" so Allison turns and screams at him "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO RUINED IT!" and follows him back inside. As she continues her inebriated ranting, she does such a good job of slurring her words that, despite several rewinds of the tape, I have no idea what she said. [A special thanks goes out to Angie P. whose keen sense of hearing and/or drunk psychobabble deciphered the following: "It's too late to be in my corner! It's been too late since you married Brooke!" - thanks Angie!] She then throws her vodka bottle at Billy, and then starts throwing whatever she can find and knocking things to the floor when Billy runs to her and wraps his big superhero arms around her. Allison breaks down and turns to face Billy and sobs while asking why Hayley didn't love her and my guess is, if that's how she kept house, it might have something to do with it.

It's Christmas at Melrose Place - Sydney drugs someone's drink, Michael and Jane "do the deed", Peter gets bulldozed by Amanda, and Brooke catches Billy and Allison in a hotel room.