So then Amanda leaves Peter's cell and homes in on Detective Wiley with her police radar and chews him out, telling him that Peter was exonerated for Beth's death years ago, which makes the whole last couple episodes completely irrelevant, not to mention utterly baffling. Wiley agrees, basically admitting that he's just been wasting our time. But now he's got another trick up his wily sleeve -- Peter's alibi finally woke up from her coma and disappeared, poof!, in a puff of smoke, and you know what that means, dontcha, kids? It means we're gonna have to look at Peter's prison stubble for at least two more episodes.

Meanwhile, where IS the Amazing Kimberly, Queen of the Escape Artists? She's stumbling around on the street alone in a trenchcoat, of course. Do not question the ways of Kimberly! Michael, prowling the streets in the Mancini-mobile, finally zeroes in on her -- good thing he had that psycho-wife homing beacon installed a couple years back. And as soon as Kimberly sees him behind her, she instantly panics and runs away, of course. I don't know why she seems to be afraid of Michael, but you're the boss, Kimberly, you know best. then he gets out of the car and she runs into his arms and whimpers that she doesn't remember having dinner with Peter, and honestly, why would she? Her life's been pretty eventful since then, what with the attempted lobotomies and all. You think she has time to remember all the little details?

Next morning, Samantha pops over to Sydney's place for a chat, complaining that Jane has flipped out big time; she let out a huge scream last night, but refused to tell Samantha what was wrong. Then this morning, Sam heard Jane vacuuming her bedroom for two hours, and now there's a locksmith changing the locks. Syd lamely tries to cover: "What can I say? My sister gets weird sometimes; don't we all?" Don't even bother, Syd -- Sam's on the road to Clueville, and there's no rest stop along the way! Move along there, Sam!

So Sydney hustles over to see Jane, who's ALL upset because somebody put dirt in her bed. How anal-retentive can you get? Just because she goes to sleep at night and finds a grave in her bed, suddenly everybody's got to deal with Jane's little problems. Jane is convinced that Richard has risen from the grave, but Sydney dismisses the whole Zombie Messiah theory, saying that someone else must have seen them stow the corpse. To prove it, they'll go dig Richard up just to make sure he's still there. And hey, if this works out, they could make this their regular Wednesday night thing! Let's just keep burying him and digging him up every couple of days until it just stops being fun anymore.

Now it's time for Alison's version of a 900 sex number. She places a call to Love Slave Jake, who has never been this wrapped around a woman's dialing finger before. "Alison, don't do this to me," he grins, as she pouts that she NEEDS him. Well, Jake's no fool, so he says he'll be right up, and hangs up. Wow! Did you see that? I guess that's one of the advantages of living in Los Angeles. I can't even get Chinese food delivered, and Alison gets sex delivered door-to-door! I wonder if she'll have to tip him? Well, we'll never find out, since Jake slides out the door and runs upstairs, right into the middle of a Laurel and Hardy comedy starring Taylor and the ever-wired Matt, who are moving even MORE of Jo's stuff out of her apartment. How much stuff did this woman HAVE? She wore the same black outfit every day, so this can't be clothes. Anyway, Matt makes a rapid-fire introduction of Taylor, and then starts piling boxes into Jake's arms. Alison watches from her window, biting her lower lip as she sees her hunka burning love turning into a beast of burden before her very eyes. Then it's time for the scene to morph again as Amanda walks into the courtyard and is not at all thrilled to meet Taylor. Silly Amanda, she thinks she owns the building and ought to be informed before a new tenant signs a lease, but Whirlwind Matt doesn't care for such formalities. Taylor pretends to apologize for springing this on Amanda, since Amanda's husband is having legal trouble. Amanda snaps, "Well, obviously, in his zeal, Matt forgot one important rule that we require of our tenants... that they mind their own business." Amanda huffs off, and then Alison -- remember Alison? This used to be a scene with Alison in it -- comes downstairs, claiming that she's supposed to drive Jake to work. And oh, what a tangled web we weave; this scene has so much subtext, it almost makes up for the fact that it has very little actual content. Alison and Jake are about to take off to do "inventory" -- and I think we know what their little code means! -- and they pass Billy, who eyes them suspiciously. And now it's Billy's turn to be introduced to Taylor! Hi, Taylor! Couldn't they have done some of these introductions, say, OFF-camera? I wouldn't have minded missing one or two, really. And what is everybody doing at home in the middle of the day? Don't any of these people work for a living, or do they all just hang around at home, waiting to be introduced to people?

Amanda hustles over to Michael's house, and as soon as he opens the door, she starts storming through the house, looking for Kimberly. Peter's preliminary hearing is in a few days, and Amanda isn't pleased to hear that Kimberly "simply doesn't remember that night." Amanda busts into the bedroom, shaking Kimberly awake, and look! Kimberly's wearing an enormous silver condom to bed, just like her wedding dress! That must be their primary form of birth control. "Get up, you crazy bitch!" Amanda yells, jumping into bed with Kimberly and practically poking her in the ribs. "I will MAKE you remember!" Kimberly just sort of folds in on herself, whimpering, which makes Amanda feel so ill that she storms out, insisting that Michael jog Kim's memory, even if he has to use electroshock. Michael just stands there and shakes his head, and all of a sudden the beach house has turned into the Home of the Lamest People on Earth. Get yourselves together, Mancini Twins! We're trying to make this a fun and exciting show, and the two of you are really bringing down the whole episode by acting like someone shot your last dog. Shape up! You have no problems!

And speaking of someone with no problems, Matt was cured of spinal meningitis in two episodes but can't seem to shake this whole amphetamines thing. He shows up late for rounds, and the doctor waggles her Hillary Clinton 'do at him and berates him for not having his nametag and stethoscope. Yes, this is Wilshire Memorial, where half the doctors don't have medical degrees, and apparently it's a major problem that Matt doesn't have his nametag. He doesn't need a nametag! He's in the opening credits! Anyway, while I was ranting, Matt ducked into the locker room and dove straight for the pills in his locker. But his hands are shaking so much that he drops a pill, which rolls underneath the lockers, and Matt gets down on his hands and knees -- like we haven't seen THAT before -- and looks for it. Another sad-eyed med student walks in, and she sees Matt praying to the lockers for guidance. She asks what's up, and he hurriedly jumps up and grabs his stuff, muttering all the way. She mournfully watches him, another victim of the stress of med school. There oughtta be a law. As soon as he's out the door, he stops and rubs his eyes, as that slow, "I'm-such-a-mess" music starts up...

And now we move on to a scene that I absolutely can not comprehend from start to finish. Let's enjoy the mystery! It stars Ms. Taylor McBride, a character that I must confess I'm having trouble connecting to, mainly because I don't understand, as the French say, what her deal is. She arrives at her hotel room, but when she moves to turn on the light, a man standing in the shadows instructs her to stop. He comes out from the shadows and starts fondling her, when she realizes that it's her charming husband, Kyle! He's come all the way from Boston just to surprise her. Okay, mystery number one: How did he get into her hotel room? Mystery number two: What's up with this little rapist intruder game they play? Is that supposed to be sexy and free-spirited, or just creepy? Mystery number three: Has he heard of a telephone? "Before you say anything, Andre is running the restaurant," he explains, and thank God he told us; I was worried sick about who was running the restaurant. But hush, child, Kyle's talking again. Seems he wants to know why Taylor's running around Los Angeles, and I'd like some answers on that too. Taylor claims that she wants to expand into the Los Angeles market, which totally puzzles Kyle -- not much of a trick, since he seems puzzled most of the time. Just to add to the chaos, Taylor gives a weird description of LA: "This city is so romantic. The sun shines all the time, and the ocean, and the whole glamour thing, it's so great!" Yeah, that's what I hear; everyone there is just nuts about the whole glamour thing. Then before the scene starts making sense, he just climbs on top of her and starts kissing her. And if you understand any of this, you win a lollipop!

Well, that's enough of the whole glamour thing; now back to the whole zombie thing! Jane and Sydney drive to the place where they buried Richard, and surprise! He's not there! Sydney spots a little note left for them -- a piece of oaktag that says, "Looking for something? I've got the body, girls. For fifty thousand dollars, I'll keep your secret." Jane and Sydney stare off into the distance as they contemplate the hole they're in.

The next morning, Sydney shows up at Jane's apartment just in time to see Samantha leaving. Samantha tries to babble at Syd a little, but then Jane appears and shoos her away. Inside, the two sisters have a confab about the blackmail -- Sydney found another note tucked into her paper this morning, telling them to leave the money in the alley behind a clothing company tonight. And isn't it nice, with all this going on, that Sydney still takes the time to read the newspaper? It's great that she's keeping up on world affairs. Maybe she should have read the financial section, since she's worried about where they're going to find fifty thousand dollars by tonight, but Jane says they don't need the money -- and pulls out her gun! Oh, Jane, you think that gun's the answer to everything! Any problem that comes up, you pull out the gun. Well, little missy, someday you're going to meet someone who's got a bigger gun, and then what will you do? Sydney objects to increasing the body count, but Jane's taking charge: "You dummy up the money and find something to put it in. I'll be in charge of no one getting hurt." Oh, darn, I wanted to be in charge of that! I never get to be in charge of anything cool. "One way or another, we're ending this," Jane says, and I hope she's right, cause this stopped being fun somewhere around the time when people stopped popping out of graves.

So now everybody stop doing whatever you were doing; Matt needs more pills. He sneaks into Michael's office, which is empty since Sydney's in the copy room and Michael never comes to work anymore. Matt silently removes Michael's prescription pad from his desk and then prepares to take his leave, but then Sydney opens the door, screaming in surprise and throwing her copies all over the place. She quickly gathers up the papers -- all color copies of dollar bills -- as Matt babbles about looking for Michael for "some medical school junk." He notes that she's taking up counterfeiting, but she clutches the copies tightly to her chest as she explains, "Oh, this? It's just some funny money I was printing up for, um, a game that I invented. See, it's a new hobby of mine. Inventing games." And I must say that that one beats "medical school junk" for lamest excuse of the scene, but not by much. Luckily, neither of them wants to stay in this awkward scene, so Matt bolts.

Back in prison, Amanda talks to Peter about his last meal with Kimberly. "I had lamb, she had fish," Peter recalls. "It was all small talk until after coffee, and then she confessed to having the personality problem, and then she ducked out." Gosh, how could she forget that? Come on, Kimberly! He had LAMB. Get it together! Meanwhile, Peter's wondering why Amanda's being all business today. She admits that she's been brooding over this whole dead wife thing -- "Was Beth the love of your life?" Peter rolls his eyes and feeds her a line of malarkey about how he loved Beth so much that after she died, he thought he'd never love anyone else, but Amanda is the one who taught him how to feel again. It's a lovely little speech, backed by romantic piano music, and it's all so sweet that it almost keeps me from noticing that he's got a really amazing tan for a guy who's spent the last two weeks locked up.

So this whole time only one thought has possessed me: What's happening to Taylor and Kyle? Well, they're out at a restaurant, criticizing the salad. Taylor's all excited because the place is going downhill, which means they can buy the place for nothing. Kyle doesn't understand why she wants to jump into moving to LA, and wonders if maybe this has something to do with -- "We agreed never to talk about that!" Taylor hisses. Oh, come on, kids -- we've got to talk about something or I'm going to completely lose patience with both of you. Once and for all, what is your plotline? Taylor insists on this major life change, and Kyle thinks about it for all of two seconds before they clink glasses and start smooching. (Oh, God, Kyle! Don't touch the lips! DON'T TOUCH THE LIPS! Oh, the humanity!)

Down at the Circle Pharmacy, Matt presents his forged prescription. The owl-faced pharmacist looks at it, then turns back to Matt. "Yeah? What? What, is there a problem?" Matt snaps. No, the pharmacist just wanted to know if he minded generic. Yeah, generic is fine, but do you have it in caffeine-free? Matt's been a little jumpy lately.

Jake and Alison sneak off to a hotel, where Alison puts on a black bra and panties and gosh darn if she doesn't look like a Girl Scout troop leader in a black bra and panties. She's slinking around like she's the sexiest thing on four legs, licking her lips and asking Jake if he likes sneaking around with her. I guess this is what Jake meant when he said that Alison understands him better than any other woman he's been with -- other women wanted to talk and share feelings and stuff, but Alison understands what he REALLY wants: lots of sex! Hotel rooms! Random phone sex in the middle of the day! At last we have a Melrose couple that we can really identify with. "I want you to know," she murmurs, "you are making me feel things I never thought I'd feel." I'll just bet! Bada bing! "Brilliant minds think alike," he grunts, and apparently horndog minds think alike too, because this ends up in the first of what looks like many sex scenes to come.

So if I can drag my attention away from that scene, let's go down to the garment district and take a look at what Jane and Sydney are wearing for their nutty little scam. Sydney is wearing a black vinyl jacket, which is weird enough, and Jane is wearing a black leather jacket and a beret. Good night, ladies and gentlemen! No, I'm sorry, I just think a beret makes the most... interesting fashion statement when you're killing your blackmailer. I'm sure I'll get over it, but it's got to be the most interesting thing about this scene. Jane and Sydney drop off the bag and wait behind a dumpster for the "blackmailer" to pick it up; when they see someone pick up the bag, Jane follows, guns blazing! "Hold it right there, mister!" yells the woman in charge of no one getting hurt. "Mister" turns around, begging them not to kill her, and -- it's Samantha! "What are you guys doing here?" Sam asks, and boy, they'd better watch out, because I bet now she's really starting to suspect that something weird is going on. Jane and Syd pretend that they're just carrying the gun because it's a "bad neighborhood." Sam explains that a man called, saying he was from the clothing company, and asked her to pick up the "samples" for Jane. "He's testing us!" Jane hisses. Sam is still confused: "I wish someone would tell me what's going on here." Jane explains the whole thing: "It's just a crooked buyer we were dealing with, it just got a little out of hand." The three walk down the alley, but up on a fire escape, Richard has been watching the whole bizarre scene. A beret!

The next morning starts at Jane's Den of Death, where everyone's favorite Girl Scout, Sam, sits at the table scribbling in her Sailor Moon coloring book with her Crayolas. (Okay, so it's a sketch pad. I have to get my digs in somewhere.) Jane simpers over with a plate of pancakes "just the way you like them" and then sucks right up to Sam about how fantastic her sketches are. Sam replies, "Yeah, a degree in art and I waste it on doodles" -- and all along I thought Sam was still in kindergarten! Jane sucks up just a little more (you can never kiss too much butt) telling her that if there's anything she can do to help, ANYTHING AT ALL, she'd love to. (Maybe she could teach Sam how to stop speaking in a monotone?) Sam thanks Jane for breakfast and the compliments, but admits that she isn't buying the "Crooked Buyer" story. After all, Jane had a REAL GUN. (What a clever girl!) Jane tells her, "I'm going to do you a huge favor and not answer that question, or any of your questions." Okay, great! That puts my mind at ease. Just then Syd walks in wearing my grandma's kitchen curtains and carrying a bowling bag. She asks Jane if they can speak alone, and I'm wondering if anyone else is as sick of hearing this as they are of, say, hearing Alison tell Jake that sneaking around is fun... Outside Jane's apartment, Sydney does a great impression of Matt, complete with darting eyes and rapid-fire speech. Syd frantically tells Jane that she's having trouble sleeping because she's so worried about what they should do next. Jane says they're going to wait out the blackmailer, since her gun probably scared him off anyway. Hmm. Jane, darling, he's a BLACKMAILER -- I'm sure he's got a lovely gun of his own. Sydney echoes this thought and starts babbling about Teflon Flak Jackets but Jane cuts her off and tells her to keep calm (this coming from Screaming Dirt Girl) and not to argue with her. Sydney agrees and notes that "Lunatics always do make the best leaders" and then cites examples: "Mussolini... Hitler... Amanda..." Jane brushes Sydney off with a "Don't call me, I'll call you," and returns to her apartment, no doubt for another round of bootlicking.

At Shooters, Matt is babbling into the phone: "You must have the wrong Alison. Alison has an apartment. It's a really nice one. She's very happy there." Alison comes flying up like a winged monkey and snatches the phone away from Matt. She tells the person on the other end of the phone that she does indeed want the apartment in question. Ooh... A mystery. Matt refuses to believe that the Melrose Place "Den Mother" (those were his words) is moving, and Alison gets all screechy and nasal and tells him to keep it down because she doesn't want it getting out just yet. Jake overhears, and asks to speak with Alison. They disappear into his office where Jake starts having a fit of his own. Alison attempts to calm him down by outlining her brilliant plan: she's moving to an apartment three blocks away that's got a month-to-month lease so they won't have to sneak around. (Well, technically, they will, they'll just have to walk more to do it.) Once the relationship is out and everyone's okay with it, she'll move back to Melrose. Of course, everyone knows that her apartment will be sitting there waiting for her when she gets back, assuming of course that Matt the WonderJunkie hasn't had it turned into a disco or something. Jake reminds her that the whole idea was not to hurt Billy, and Alison starts screeching again about how she's doing this for them, whine, whine, whine... Jake insists on telling Billy everything, but Alison refuses on the ground that if they do the relationship will be about Billy and not about them (she lost me). Jake complains that the whole thing is taking over their lives, and Alison asks if that's so bad. Then she shoves her tongue down his throat. Again.

Back at Melrose, Kyle and Taylor are looking at Jo's old apartment, and they're all alone. I guess Amanda is in a nice mood today. Not likely - Taylor probably knocked her out with her enormous lips. She asks Kyle if he likes it so she can put down a deposit (she's an awesome liar), and he tells her, "If it makes you happy, it makes me happy". I can tell this guy is going to be a really deep character with a lot of really involved storylines. Shyeah, and Alison might get a new hairstyle. Kyle says the apartment is theirs on the condition that they break it in properly, so they start to kiss, and I can just see the conversation with Amanda: "Can we go look at the apartment alone? We'd like to have sex." Taylor slips off to the bathroom for some birth control, because "There's no room in our lives for any little Kyles." Oh, God, can you imagine? I can hardly get used to having the big Kyle around. In the bathroom, she pulls the newspaper clipping of Peter out of her purse and stares at it. That's an interesting way to keep from getting pregnant. It must be a Boston thing... Then she looks up and stares into the mirror. I think she's amazed by the size of her own lips. (Okay, here's a promise. We'll stop making fun of her lips when her lips go away and stop tormenting us.)

Later that evening, Jane and Syd are at the boutique where it seems the blackmail has finally stopped. A couple of delivery guys (no doubt closely related to the pool boy) bring in a huge body-sized crate for Jane while Syd notes, "It looks like a coffin." Jane tells her not to be ridiculous. (Sure, you're being chased around by a dead guy, and you get a huge unexpected crate late at night. There's nothing unusual there.) She snips the wires holding the crate shut and out tumbles an dummy. No, it isn't Richard, it's a mannequin. And lo and behold, it's wearing the bloodstained clothes Jane and Syd buried Richard in. There's a note in the box, too: "Bring the money to the grave tomorrow night or the body goes to the police." Jane finally realizes that everything is out of control, and admits she has no idea what to do.

Elsewhere in Cheerytown, Peter shuffles slowly to the phone in jail and says "Hello" with his teeth clenched so tightly together he rivals even Amanda for the "Tensest Weirdo" award. Amanda asks if he's okay, because she was on hold forever. (Well, Peter was moving about as quickly as Matt's storyline, so of COURSE she was on hold forever.) Amanda is at Michael's place, and says Kimberly is being "cooperative." Michael and Kimberly are sort of huddled together on the couch, probably explaining to each other that they feel each other's pain. Once Kimberly talks, Peter will get off, and everything will be okay. Until then, Amanda tells him to "keep the faith," which, ironically, is the title of one of her real-life husband's Bon Jovi albums. Peter goes wacky (he's obviously not a Bon Jovi fan) and starts ranting about being in jail for something he didn't do and being kept from the woman he loves and how he can see her for only ten minutes a day (which is actually probably more than he'd get if she was at her usual insane D&D pace). He finishes his tirade by saying, "If Kimberly is my only hope then I'm as good as fried." The guard tells Peter his call is over, and a rebellious Peter says the call isn't over until the fat lady sings. Amanda listens to all of this with a puzzled expression, and starts repeating Peter's name over and over, probably jealous that someone else is getting all of her husband's attention. Peter tells her he has to go, hangs up the phone, and brilliantly decides to throw the guard into a wall. Another guard comes into the phone room and throws Peter across the room, slamming him into the wall, and it's just a good time for everyone. Peter bounces against the wall, falls to the floor and lies semi-conscious where the guards instantly cuff him.

OHMYGOD! It's a shot of the pool... from a NEW ANGLE... and WITHOUT POOLBOY!!!!!

Taylor knocks on Amanda's door and excitedly hands her an envelope stuffed with money which, she explains, is for "first and last month's rent, plus the security deposit," and it probably wouldn't be a bad idea for Amanda to start charging fees for things like "Bomb Insurance" and "Having to Drain and Clean The Pool When People Die In It". Taylor then invites herself in and starts bouncing around Amanda's apartment "ooh"ing and "aah"ing about how nice everything is and, at this point, I think Amanda is just hoping Taylor doesn't break anything. And isn't it ironic how close Taylor's name is to that little boy from last season -- Tyler -- 'cause right about now she's behaving at about the same age level. Amanda gets Taylor out of her apartment so she can go have some more meaningless conversation with Peter about dead ex-wives and dead ex-boyfriends. As the two gals descend the stairs, Taylor turns and says she left her purse in Amanda's apartment. They are all of about three steps away from the front door, but Amanda decides it's easier to give Taylor the key and tells her, "Make it quick!" Once inside Amanda's apartment, Taylor walks over to the photographs of Peter on the mantel and stares and drools and fortunately this melancholy moment is interrupted by the ringing telephone. The answering machine picks up, and Amanda walks in just as Detective Wiley says that Peter was in an "accident" the night before and is currently in the jail infirmary. Both women are horrified to hear this news and as Amanda dials the phone and asks for Detective Wiley, she turns to Taylor and snaps, "Get out!" Taylor obliges Amanda and, bewildered, walks down the stairs where Kyle has been waiting for her. He senses something is wrong and asks if she's OK, but Taylor instantly switches back into "Overly Happy Mode" and before he can second-guess her moodswing, she kisses him and bounces off, hopefully to get a dose of Lithium.

At Jane's store, Jane approaches Sam and asks if she thinks she could run the shop by herself. "Me? Oh, please!" Samantha answers, in a rare lucid moment. When Sam asks why Jane would even ask such a question, Jane tells her she may be "going away for a while." Sam suggests that Sydney (Ms. Fashion Goddess herself) would be better qualified, to which Jane replies, "She may be going away as well." Sydney overhears this ludicrous conversation and pulls Jane into a room so they can "talk privately" again. Jane explains to Syd that "going away" is what will happen when they go to prison and then shows Sydney her written confession, which Sydney then promptly tears up. Sydney tells Jane that she has $20,000 saved up from her 10% of Burns-Mancini as well as that "porno film investment" and that Jane could get the remaining $30,000 from the bank if she used her store as collateral. Jane is still unsure and asks, "And then what -- we just put ourselves in the hands of a madman?" to which Sydney answers, "Well, it is better than the hands of the authorities," which is exactly what MY mother always taught me.

At the prison, Peter is lying on his new Craftmatic Infirmary Gurney when loving wife Amanda rushes in to see him. And between Peter's tennis headband bandage and all the gauze shoved in his mouth, I was really disappointed when he didn't shout "ADRIAN!" like Sylvester Stallone did in "Rocky". But I digress. Peter is a beaten man -- literally -- and he tells Amanda he's never going to be released and that "they took everything" from him, meaning his practice, his wife and his life. His toothbrush they let him keep. He finishes by saying, "If I don't get out of here, I'm going to kill someone." Amanda just keeps running her fingers through his greasy hair and tells him he "can't talk like that." Come ON, Peter, you KNOW you'll get out of jail. You're in the opening credits.

Alison is in the middle of her annual "Pack and Move" routine when Billy walks in to voice his objection to her leaving. He tells her, "You are this place -- without you, there is no building" so I guess another fee Amanda should charge is for "When Alison Leaves And The Building Collapses" Insurance. Billy insists that part of the reason Alison is leaving is because of him, which she denies, but he keeps picking at it like a scab. Luckily, at that very moment, Jake walks in with empty boxes and tries to act cool and detached but Billy picks up on the unspoken connection between Alison and Jake and asks if he's in the middle of a conspiracy. Naturally Alison and Jake turn down the OPEN OPPORTUNITY to confess to their FRIEND since, on Melrose, it makes more sense to let secrets slip out instead of just being honest; it creates far more chaos that way. A suspicious Billy tells Alison he'll do whatever he can to help and then he leaves and within a millisecond of Billy setting foot outside the open apartment door, Jake bellows, "You think he suspects?" And since Billy didn't hear it and he HAD to still be within earshot, the only thing I can figure is that his head was, once again, up his ass. Jake tells her how "this place won't be the same without you" and isn't it funny how she's never had such a fuss made over her any of the other 752 times she's left. Alison reminds Jake that it's only temporary and that she'll be back one day -- unless, of course, he wants to come move in with her. Jake tells her, "Nothing would make me happier," and they pause for a little tonsil hockey.

Matt is at the hospital trying desperately to read a chart but his blurred vision is greatly hindering his ability to do so. Just as he sits back to rest his eyes, his new "I Am Woman Hear Me Roar" Teacher/Doctor strolls by, hands Matt his blue book (used to take tests) and orders Matt, "Walk with me, Fielding!" As they walk down the hall, the doctor tells Matt that he failed his test, and seems to take great pleasure in breaking this news. "You've got a problem with me, don't you?" Matt yells. "I mean, It's either this, or it's -- it's that!" Very cogent, Fielding, are you sure you don't want to go to law school instead? He then asks if it's because he's gay, and even though it's obvious she had no idea he was, he continues with his paranoid, drug-induced ranting. Nearing hysteria, he yells, "Don't mess with me -- because I took care of that homophobe Hobbs and I will take care of you!" and then storms off, no doubt to find more pills.

"This better be the end of it," Jane vows, as she, Sydney, and their bag with $50,000 return to the pile of dirt Richard called home during the summer hiatus. Yes, it better be, Jane, because I am now in charge of being tired of this plotline. They take a few steps down the hill, but when no one is there to meet them, Sydney calls out, "Oly, Oly, Oxynfree!" This does the trick as the girls hear a person whistle in response and do a quick 180 to see who the source of the whistling is. And guess what! It's Richard! Big surprise, eh? Um, no. Richard is standing by the car with a gun and demands that Jane toss him the bag o' money "that you embezzled from me". After she successfully completes that task, he tosses Jane and Sydney two shovels and, all the while pointing the gun at them, tells them to "start digging." He adds that this time they should make the hole "deeper this time" because now two people are going in it. And if a stray meteorite could fall out of the sky right now and crush that boy, I bet it would make a lot of people very happy. Is that too much to ask?

--written by Danny, Jo and Stacie

Amanda is angered when Taylor shows up at Peter's court hearing and tells her, "You're a tenant, not a friend". Billy is at Alison's new apartment where there are candles, music and Jake. Billy does the math, gets angry, and punches Jake.