On the patio of the beach house, Michael is dilligently doing his exercises when Kimberly walks out and notes aloud what great shape Michael is in, especially his legs. Michael immediately mistakes her words of praise as some kind of sexual invitation. Then again, with Michael - you could read the telephone book and he'd get turned on. Kimberly apologizes for her "wrong signals" and starts babbling about her "issues" and a bunch of therapist mumbo-jumbo but all Michael hears is "no sex for Michael". Begging Michael to "be patient", Kimberly suggests he go for a "nice long hard run on the beach" -- Michael is all-too-eager to get out of there.

Billy goes to Jake's apartment and demands an explanation for Jake's behavior the previous evening. Thinking Billy is guilty of all the world's problems, Jake refuses and tells Billy, "I promised Alison I'd leave you alone". Billy has no problem with this plan and walks off. Alison thanks Jake for restraining himself just as Jane passes by on her way to work. Alison decides to leave for work a few minutes early so she can walk out with Jane, although it appears she'd much rather stuff Jane in a mailbox than be buddies with her. Once outside the complex, Jane feigns surprise when she notes that Alison's tires -- all 4 of 'em -- are flat. Outraged, Alison asks Jane to drop her off at D&D and Jane is all too happy to oblige.

Michael is jogging on the same heavily populated beach as last week only this week there's no one around. No one, that is, except for the blonde bimbo who jogged by him last week. Michael (and the rest of him) are overjoyed to see her. She pulls a piece of paper out of her sports bra and handing it to Michael tells him, "My place - tonight". As she jogs away, she shouts back to him, "You won't be disappointed!"

Amanda is in her office when Craig cruises in with her cappucino but horror of horrors - it has CINNAMON on it! Amanda immediately orders Craig's execution and as he leaves her office, in walks Arthur. Mr. Field instructs Amanda to let "his boy" go to the next few pitch meetings so he can watch Amanda in action. He then makes a couple sexist comments and Amanda tells him she'll "see to it".

Down the hall, ad-exec-turned-barmaid Alison storms up to Billy's cubicle and confronts him about her slashed tires. When she suggests Billy "get over his rage" about she and Jake, Billy calmly informs her, "I'm over you". He then tells Alison that Jane slashed her tires, threw the brick and probably started the fire and all because she thinks Alison stole Jake away from her. To drive this well-delivered point home, he reminds Alison that, "after Richard, she's not the most well-adjusted person". Alison wants to know the source of Billy's confidence so he tells her how Jane hit on him with her "twisted idea" that a relationship between Billy and Jane would break-up Jake and Alison. He urges Alison to "watch out for her" and a confused Alison leaves.

At the Hathaway Not-Rehabilitating-Matt Center, Matt is packing to leave when Dr. Dan Hathaway himself marches in. Although Matt checked in voluntarily, the doctor doesn't think Matt is ready to leave and urges him to stay. Matt insists he's "ok now" so Dr. Dan starts telling Matt he's like "every other addict" he's seen in an obvious attempt to break Matt out of his denial. None of it works and Matt leaves.

Oh goody - it's the grand opening of Kyle's - and all I can say is it's about damn time. The guy's been working on sauce for over 2 months. But why is it every time Melrose has a stupid party *I'm* the one who gets stuck writing about it? Enough of my woes, on with the party. Amanda and Peter are there although Amanda has no clue as to *why* she's there and inquires with Peter. Peter tells her it's because they're supporting Peter's new playmate, Kyle. Across the room, Kyle approaches Taylor and notices her necklace as if he's never seen it before. She tells him she only wears it on special occasions, like the grand opening of a husband's restaurant or for stalking LA doctors. Kyle tells Taylor he wants to leave, but Taylor insists he "mingle, mingle, mingle!" So he mingles off and immediately bumps into Sydney. The two talk shop for a few and Syd tells Kyle about Sam the painter: he's Samuel Kirov, a Russian immigrant who speaks no English and sends all his money to his family in Siberia where they "obviously have high heating bills". Kyle tells Syd to stop by in a couple days so they can talk money and maybe even work on her jokes.

At Jane's boutique, "Samuel" asks Jane about Billy since she's obviously too insecure to go by her own judgement. Jane tells Sam what a "great guy" Billy is, especially considering the facts that Alison left him at the alter, his wife Brooke drowned in the pool and Alison's husband -- Brooke's very rich father -- drowned too. And speak of the devil, in walks Billy at that very moment to ask Sam to dinner that evening. Still shaken at all the news Jane just spewed at her, Sam turns him down and walks into the back. Billy, wise to Jane's psychosis, tells her to "get over Jake" and to "stay out of my life".

Oh no, more Grand Opening party. Taylor is talking to Peter who is transfixed on her necklace which is "familiar" to him. She tells him it's been in her family for years, obviously hoping to jog his memory. Amanda walks up then and tells Peter it's time to go provided, of course, Taylor is "done fawning over my husband". Taylor tells her they were "just talking" which is always the phrase used when people are actually doing something else. Whatever they were doing, Peter asks Taylor to tell Kyle he said goodbye as Amanda drags him out of there.

It's a gorgeous morning in LA, and Peter is having a swim to start the day. This is definitely a good thing -- it hides the fact that his hair looks really weird this week. Taylor materializes in a tiny little black bikini and simpers something about joining Peter in the pool. He does the smart thing by getting out of the pool and trying to go up to the apartment, but Taylor grabs his arm in her claws and drools on him some more. Amanda swishes up on her broom and wonders if Peter is ever going to work. This scene with no point (other than to show Taylor in a small bathing suit) ends with Amanda leaving for work (while delivering her patented Ice Queen attitude), and Peter going up to the apartment to change while Taylor stands there with an evil look in her eyes.

Over at the hospital, Matt accosts his supervising doctor/teacher and demands to know why the Admissions Department for med school doesn't have him on the schedule. She tells him that he's been suspended because of his drug problem, and that he can re-apply next semester. Matt is really pissed and grabs the woman's arm demanding to know who ratted on him (I demand to know why everyone is grabbing everyone else's arms this episode). She won't tell him, so he storms off down the hall, ranting that he knows exactly who it was that told on him and now he's on a mission to dismember that person. I'm not fond of Matt's new personality.

At Jane's boutique, Syd is telling Sam (Samuel Kirov, that is) that she has "convinced Kyle to hang one of your paintings in his restaurant". Sam delivers the most false scream of pleasure that I've ever heard and now I'd like to be the newest Melrose star, please. There's no way I could be worse than Sam and I can read, so chances are I'd be better. Syd admits that she lied about Sam's identity because after all, "Who wants to buy art from someone perky?". Sam agrees to go along with the lie, at least until her paintings start to sell -- yeah, like that'll happen. My four-year-old neighbor is a better artist.

Amanda has arrived at D&D, and Billy comes into her office to tell her something. As usual, she dumps all over him again, telling him that he's lucky to even have his job, and that Craig will be pitching to the clients now. Billy decides that what he had to tell her can wait. Peter's the next to pop into her office, and he says he's there as "a special guest appearance". Does anyone else find this funny? Not as funny as Peter's hair, but funny all the same. Peter wants to have lunch (read: sex) with Amanda, but she turns him down. He suggests after work, but she can't pencil him in until Thursday. While she's got her back turned on him to mark it in her Dayrunner, he pulls his own Ice Queen impression and jets before she gets a chance to say goodbye.

And now here's my favorite psycho meanie junkie -- Matt! He huffs and puffs up to Dr. Hathaway's house and accuses him of ratting him out. For someone who's a med student, Matt seems to have forgotten a basic tenet of medical treatment: Doctor/Patient confidentiality. Duh. Hathaway points this out to Matt and tells him that if he was getting his dope from Greg Parker, then that's how he got found out -- Greg got busted and he "named names". Matt apologizes for being a knob, and Hathaway offers to try and get his suspension lifted because "I like you". Oooh -- are we seeing a new love interest for Matt? Stay tuned.

At Shooter's, Alison and Jake are having a fight and although I was hoping they'd crack and kill each other, no such luck. Alison tells Jake she thinks Jane is the stalker, and Jake says he thinks it's Billy. Just then Jane walks in, so Alison asks to speak to Jake in the back about a "computer problem". Jane may be psycho, but she's not stupid and follows Jake and Alison to the office where she eavesdrops on their conversation. Jake accuses Alison of spending too much time with Billy, Alison accuses Jake of sticking up for Jane too much, and then Alison suggests that maybe the two of them need space (YAY!!!). Hearing this, Jane smiles and walks off. Jake then tells Alison he loves her, and Alison tells Jake she loves him and they kiss and suddenly everything is all better.

In the cavernous den of Arthur Fields' house (which I tend to believe smells like a combination of old leather and idiocy), Craig accuses his father of plotting to ruin Amanda in order to make up for some terrible wrong Craig's mother did Arthur at some point in the past. Arthur quickly denies this notion and informs Craig of a meeting the following day with AP Rider Water, a long-term D&D client. Arthur has already pre-sold them on a campaign totally different from the one they usually use which is also, conveniently, the one Amanda will be pitching. The idea is that Amanda has no idea and pitches the same old idea, while clever Craig pitches the new idea and saves the day (leaving Amanda to look like a fool). Craig objects, basically saying that he wants to bring Amanda down with a fair fight - integrity, what a concept. Arthur nixes that plan saying it could never happen: "Amanda would eat Craig for lunch".

That evening, Michael finds his way to the mystery jogging woman's house, which is actually pretty hard not to miss considering it's a huge glass box. Immediate nakedness and kissing ensues although they encounter a problem getting Blondie's dress off and as they struggle with it, she looks like a big polyester-wrapped sausage. Michael informs her he's married but she could care less and leads him over to the couch. Suddenly Michael jumps up and tells her he can't do it, supposedly because of his sudden conscience but I'm guessing it's because she's wearing underwear that's better suited to my 89-year-old granny. Whatever it is, he grabs his clothes and runs out the door.

As we fade to Taylor on a health kick and swimming her way to a younger, less lipful person, Amanda and Peter are upstairs at the breakfast table. Peter -- looking as if he has hangover 942 of this year -- is wrapped in the morning news paper. Amanda asks him if he would be more interested in swimming with Taylor and Peter assures her that he only wants to be friends with Kyle. "Dr. Woodward", as Peter calls her, points out that he should spend more time trying to build his practice. Peter assures her that he is more than capable of dressing and feeding and taking care of himself but so far he hasn't given us any proof of that in this scene.

At D&D, Arthur's little twit son is in Amanda's office trying to earn suck-up points. He tells her of his new idea for AP Rider Water, but Amanda tells him that their old ideas are fine and reminds him to keep his mouth shut during the meeting. "You are strictly an observer" - and what a lovely observer he is.

Billy finally puts a good foot forward with Sam and takes her on a picnic lunch with wine and even pastrami! Boy, I would even pretend to like Billy for pastrami. Sam begins to talk about what she and Jane had discussed in the shop earlier. She tells Billy, "I am glad we are talking about this cause I know there is an elephant in the room" and how did she know that Roseanne was watching the taping? Billy tells her that he doesn't want his past to affect "their" future and I am thinking that Billy has guts after all -- he took a big risk with that one because, after all, only about a half billion people know that Sam really likes Billy.

Syd takes Sam's painting to Kyle's and Taylor promptly makes an obvious statement that the painting will take up lots of wall space. No kidding, Taylor -- anyone knows that paintings hang on the wall and if they are big, they take up space. I guess that's her subtle way of saying she doesnt like it so much. Kyle invites Sydney to the back to discuss money, but before they discuss money he asks her to taste his latest sauce and if all his female conquests involved "tasting sauce", it's truly a wonder he ever got married. He gets a little on his cheek and Sydney tries to wipe it off with a towel. And, as we all know, Kyle has had problems being faithful so he quickly tells Syd that he thinks she is an attractive woman but he is not interested. Sydney makes a quick save and tells him she meant nothing by it. "Your face is red", Kyle notes and she replies, "You still have sauce on your face" and wasn't there a "Love American Style" episode like this? They shake hands to "be friends" and Kyle agrees to buy the painting for $1000. Sydney tells him to make the check out to "Cash" so let's see -- how much of it do you think is going to make it to Sam?

Amanda chases down Billy by the elevator and asks him what he has been trying to tell her all week. If she had pushed me off like that I think I would let her get fired but Billy uses his knowledge to his advantage. However, he tells her the information he has will cost her. He wants his old office, old title and old accounts back. Amanda leads Billy back to her office so they can talk about it.

Jake and Alison are walking home from Shooters in LA (which might be considered dangerous by non-TV personalities) when they hear a noise behind them. A cab is convienently driving by so Jake throws Alison into it and tells her that he will see her at home. He then starts yelling into the darkness that he knows someone is there and that they should just come out. He jumps behind some bushes and finds Jane. "It's been you all along hasn't it?", he accuses. Ding, Dong - someone is finally home!! While Jake has a firm hold on Jane, she tells him that she never stopped loving him and she would do anything to get him back and that she will never let him go. Jake pushes her away and she turns to wander off into the darkness. And if we are lucky (which we never are) she will get gang mugged and cut into fifty million pieces and mailed to her sister one limb at a time.

At the not-so-professional Wilshire Memorial Building, Michael is busy taking out his sexual frustrations on Kimberly by snapping at her about some business phone call. Kimberly -- who is fast becoming the new "Jo" of the season -- apologizes which causes Michael to apologize and now all they need are a few chairs and they can have their own CoDependents Anonymous meeting. Kimberly suggests they have a relaxing evening at home and, at first, Michael agrees but then suddenly "remembers" he may have promised to do late rounds at the hospital. Is that what they call infidelity nowadays?

Peter is standing in his kitchen on the phone getting drunk while he yells at his wife who is still at work and, therefore, late for their big dinner date. Amanda explains that she's got this big meeting but Peter is annoyed and just hangs up on her. Amanda proceeds into her meeting where she tells her clients that they've always used a family values campaign but after 6 years it's time for a change. She tells them of Craig's brilliant idea and invites him to pitch it, but he declines and lets Amanda "do the honors". Amanda does the big Generation X pitch; the clients love it and all of this causes smoke to shoot out of Arthur Field's ears as his head eventually explodes. OK, so I exaggerated a little -- sue me. After the meeting, Amanda threatens Craig not to "mess with her".

Peter heads to Kyle's (the restaurant) for dinner where an all-too-eager Taylor greets him at the door. Peter pushes past her in search of Kyle, who magically appears and leads Peter to the bar. As Kyle rushes to get Peter some specially prepared entree, Taylor saunters up to the bar to tell Peter, "I know you better than you think I do". Duh - this is news? Taylor walks off as Kyle reappears with Peter's 10-second dinner so now I'm wondering when Swanson started making prime rib TV dinners.

Craig is listening as his father rants and raves about the fact that Craig "screwed up" by telling Amanda about the Gen X pitch. Craig suggests he "work his way up" but Arthur is intent on just putting Craig at the top instead. Once again Craig agrees to his father's wishes but tells his dad, "I don't need your help".

Kyle, Taylor and a very loud Peter come waltzing into the apartment courtyard where Amanda is waiting outside her apartment. Kyle immediately starts making excuses about Peter's whereabouts when Taylor chimes in, "You shouldn't leave Peter on his own so much - sombody might come along and steal him!" Smooth move, babe. Amanda takes this as just cause to get in Taylor's face and hiss, "Stay away from my husband!" When Peter objects to all this nastiness, Amanda pushes him in the pool and storms off, which prompts Kyle to erupt in laughter. As the McBrides help Peter out of the pool, Taylor apologizes but a serious looking Peter just walks off after his wife.

Billy and Samantha have just completed successful dinner date #2 so now it's just a matter of time before they get married and one of them tries to kill the other by throwing pasta at them. Sam is droning on and on about "back home" and crabs and beans and the only way for Billy to get her to shut up is to kiss her. After their lips part, Sam immediately starts laughing which would probably offend anyone else but Boobhead Billy just kisses her again.

Michael walks the stairs to Blondie's house and just as he changes his mind and turns away, the lights go on and there's Blondie herself wrapped in a tablecloth. She tells Michael she's been waiting for him and coos, "I knew you'd be back" so obviously she's been watching this show as intently as I have. Michael can't resist her this time and they roll around on the floor.

There's a knock on Jake's door and lo-and-behold, it's the police! They're just now getting around to investigating the fire. No, actually they're making a late-night visit so they can bust open the latest stalking case. The officer turns to look over his shoulder where Jane is standing and, pointing at Jake she promptly cries, "That's the man who's been stalking me!" The officer hands Jake some official document and informs him of his options. He can either take the whole matter up in court, or he can agree to stay 100 feet away from Jane at all times. The officer then instructs Jane to go home and lock her door while Alison urges her to "get psychiatric help".

--written by Stacie, Carol and Jo

Considering that next week's show is going to be a special 2-hour episode, these previews were weak at best. Amanda is going to do something "to shock Melrose" next week in an attempt to end this whole Peter-Taylor nonsense. That's literally all they said.