The first part of this synopsis is written by Lee, the latest addition to the Melrose Space family. I don't know much about Lee except that he's funny, reliable and a true lifesaver!]

The surprises come fast and furious on this week's visit to "Melroseland". To start off, Amanda has a kitchen - I bet the set designers were caught short by that one! And to start off the day she's in there banging around, turning on a lot of appliances, including an ice-crusher. All in an effort to wake Peter up. Peter wanders woozily into the kitchen where Amanda takes him to task for not having a job, hanging out with Kyle, and finally (here's what it's all about) idealizing his first marriage. "I bet life with her was just idyllic." (I was surprised that anyone on 'Melrose' knew such big words.) She heads out the door to her job and I bet Peter is thinking, "My first wife may not have been perfect, but when she banged around in the kitchen there was more to show for it than crushed ice."

Amanda's vocabulary skills aside the word for the week seems to be "adult". After retrieving their morning paper from a doormat that says "GO AWAY", Jake and Alison bump into Jane in the courtyard. Jane gives off some sparks about having Jake arrested for violating her restraining order (and Good Morning to you, Jane) and struts away. Alison tells Jake something has to be done and Jake assures her that "we can handle this like adults". Jake, if we start handling things like adults around here the show will last five minutes. But at least he got this week's vocab word off his chest.

Sydney and Kyle are also up and about. They bump into each other leaving their respective apartments. Kyle tells Syd everybody loves that Kirov artist she represents and he wants a bio. Sydney tells him that would be no problem and it shouldn't be since the bio will be completely fictional. But this exchange is just an excuse for Sydney to go into wavy-screen land where she dreams about Kyle sweeping her into his arms and declaring his love.

Meanwhile back at The One and Only Beachhouse in LA, Michael not only has a kitchen but knows how to use it. Lucky Kimberly gets surprised with breakfast in bed and a declaration of love. And gee whiz whilackers what with the declarations of love and hot crusty croissants it seems like everything is peachy between LA's most codependent couple. Well, except for the s-e-x thing.

OK everyone, quick quiz: What's the best way to have an important conversation with your spouse? Don't know? It's so obvious! Call her while she's driving to work in her convertible on your cordless phone. That way with the static from her cell phone and your cordless, not to mention the traffic noise, you can say anything you want and then deny it later! That's what Peter does to tell Amanda he's moving into the beachouse with Michael and Kimberly for a few days. After trying to work her way through the static Amanda tells Peter, "Do what you need to do" and hangs up. They both wait for the other to call back, but since neither has learned this week's vocabulary word, "adult", no one calls and we see Peter, now nicely suited and tied, head out the door with his overnight bag in hand.

Remember how great everything was between Michael and Kimberly when last we saw them? Well forget it. It seems Michael left Kimberly with her cocoa and sped right over to Window Girl's house. But the brush off is on the other foot here and Megan (it turns out she has a name) refuses to let him make her breakfast or even tell him how she keeps the acres and acres of plate glass in her house so streak free. "Just sex" she reminds him before driving off, leaving Michael dumbfounded and holding a sack of groceries wondering if she, too, has fallen victim to that stupid new book about dating, "The Rules".

Still no patients at Burns-Mancini, but (surprise) there is a receptionist lurking in the background. Evidently they are planning to have patients one of these days. Anyway, Kimberly comes in and Michael's all curious about her medical progress. "It may be something physical", she tells him, and they embrace. Awww. This tender moment is interrupted by Peter's arrival and announcement that he's moving in with them. And you know, I'm starting to feel sorry for this guy. He's been in jail, his receptionist sold his house without telling him, he is separated from his wife and now he seeks refuge under the roof of a woman who tried to lobotomize him not so long ago. "It's nothing serious", Peter says about his separation from Amanda but Kimberly pipes up, "Peter, you're newlyweds. Moving out is a lot more serious than nothing serious." I bet Peter would rather not get advice from Kimberly right now - what do you think?

But Peter's not the only one with problems - Jake has a problem too, and so does Jane. And it's Sydney to the rescue! She and Jake are having lunch at Kyle's where Sydney encourages Jake to leave Jane alone. Kyle bops in and once again establishes that he used to be a Marine and so what? He recommends the meat loaf and this doesn't quite ring true. I may not live in LA but I doubt there's are too many people there who would pack a restaurant where the best thing on the menu is meat loaf. But back to Jane. "What's happening in her world is not exactly happening in ours", Sydney says. No kidding. She tells Jake he's the "real problem" and he should step back from Jane. "I just can't do this", Jake says. Surprise, he was talking about ordering the meatloaf. No, not really.

And now I'm really excited. It seems lately all of the men on Melrose, with the exception of Craig (and he's only been around 2 episodes) have that George Clooney hair. But not anymore because Dr. Dan Hathaway is here and he has great hair, really great hair. I hope my hair looks half as good when I grow up. Matt barges in late for some kind of twelve step meeting being conducted by the good doctor. After Hathaway dismisses the group he takes Matt to task for being late. Fortunately that man in the Hathaway shirt (so sue me) has a session tomorrow around lunch time and he orders Matt to be there.

I bet revenues at Shooter's are really falling off now that there's another eatery in town. Case in point: here's Peter tying one on at the bar at Kyle's with the man himself (who again mentions his military service - sheesh, who cares?) when Amanda walks in. Kyle and Taylor shuffle off to the kitchen and Amanda wheels astern like the Queen Mary. "Have a drink", Peter offers, but she's having none of it and gets right to the point. "I hate telephones", she tells him. This soul baring admission does nothing to bring them closer. "We're adults we have to talk things through, work things out", she pleads. Amanda gets no points from Peter for using this week's vocabulary word and it seems nothing will warm Peter's frozen - and now slightly pickled - heart. "What more do you want from me?", she asks desperately. Peter suggests, "Why don't you try begging?" Amanda tells him, "You know something, I must have you confused with someone else. The man I married wasn't a jerk" and walks out. And you know, I think "jerk" was a vocab word from last season. I think she was supposed to say nincompoop.

Now we're back at the courtyard where a new PoolBoy is dully swishing the water back and forth. Inside Jake and Alison's love nest the two are having an intimate conversation. "We have to do something about Jane", Alison says. Jake really stunned me here by repeating almost word for word what Sydney told him in the restaurant scene earlier about how he should just leave Jane alone. I wonder how he did that? Do you think he has an ear piece like Sercret Service agents have? He couldn't actually remember all that stuff he was told minutes before could he? Alison agrees to give Jane some breathing room but not before launching that pouty-face expression which we all love.

Ah well, Michael's pitiful life is continuing. He's jogging again and Megan bounces on by, drops her last name, and sets a date for Friday. 'Nuff said.

Here's a remarkable development. It seems Sydney and Samantha are friends now. Just one episode ago Sydney was boiling with resentment about Sam. But now she feels close enough to her to confess that she hasn't had a date in weeks... no, months. As they putter around the completely empty boutique, Syd complains the cute guys are gay, crazy, or married. I seem to remember Matt dating a cute guy who was all three a season or two ago, but that's not really relevant here. And since all the rich guy's are former clients of Sydney's from her call girl days, dating must be really tough. Fortunately, Sam has a friend of an ex-boyfriend she can fix Syd up with. And that's really amazing considering she just moved to LA and hasn't dated anyone but Billy. Despite this, Syd agrees to a blind date.

Hey, remember how Amanda was headed out the door to her office in the first scene, then driving to the office in a later scene, well surprise, in the next scene she is in the office sitting oh so primly in the board room. I almost fell off my chair on this one. I mean an actual narrative line (see Amanda leave for work, see Amanda driving to work, see Amanda at work). But Amanda's not the only one at D&D, that bleached out Chairman man Arthur is there and so is his much too pretty son Craig, as well as a couple of important members of the D+D team whom no one has ever seen before. "Our dear Amanda has been distracted by a host of personal problems", Arthur cattily announces to the assembled group. He wants changes, results, etc. etc. After the meeting breaks up Amanda calls him on his personal attack. He baits her and she gets angry. This actually seems to excite him so she excuses herself and leaves the room only to find Craig planning a trip to San Francisco right now! There's not one moment to spare! This crisis causes Peter (who must have been taking romance lessons from Billy) to materialize with a bouquet of roses. Of course no one has even one minute to talk since San Francisco is probably an hour flight and the meeting is tomorrow! Peter reacts badly to Amanda's geographic ignorance by chucking the flowers in the garbage.

Back at the lovenest the phone is ringing and when Alison picks it up - surprise! - no one is there. She's convinced it's Jane but I'm not sure it isn't Mr. Blackwell trying to find the right words to tell her that sweater she's wearing (with tiny pockets perched upon each breast) has got to go. Jake strides in and "handles" the situation by pulling the phone from the wall and storming out. Alison drifts across the courtyard to stare in Jane's apartment. Jane snaps the blinds shut. I guess she hates Allison's sweater too.

Up in San Francisco, Amanda and Craig are sitting at a tiny table and drinking huge cups of cappuccino. Craig's full of ideas for pitching a campaign using "cutting edge" music aimed at the "hip young" consumers. Amanda shuts him up by saying that his youthful energy is starting to make her feel old. I don't believe it. Special Guest Stars can get old? She leaves announcing she's going to call her husband and the writers are really getting sharp here because in the very next scene....

The phone is ringing at the Beachhouse where Michael answers. Amanda wants to speak to Peter but he's gone. Michael, for reasons I don't understand since neither Amanda nor Peter are exactly friends of his, lies and says Peter's knocked out on sedatives. So where's Peter?

Here he is! Peter lurches into the McBride's apartment with a very drunk Kyle and a very old-fashioned wifelike Taylor. After Peter and Kyle share what almost amounts to an intimate moment on the television (I'm not making this up), Taylor shunts Kyle off to the bedroom and starts to put Peter to bed on the couch. This, despite the fact he could very well go stay in Amanda's apartment since she is, after all, out of town. Taylor takes off Peter's shirt - but not his shoes - and lays him out, oh so tenderly, under a crocheted caftan. Just when things couldn't get any weirder Taylor tells the now unconscious, half-naked Peter that she has missed him so, so much. So much, in fact, that she feels compelled to plant those Venus Fly Trap lips on him once and (I can't bare to look) twice. Fortunately, Kyle starts crying out for his mate so Taylor scampers off.

Alison marches into Jane's boutique to confront Jane about her recent break from reality. Jane pretends to be interested, but hides behind minor distractions like helping another customer and telling Sam to go undo all the work she just did. However, once Sam is out of earshot, Jane's fake smile fades and she and Alison do the same old song and dance about how Alison "stole" Jake with Alison urging Jane to "get over it". This time the number ends with Jane shouting, "GET OUT!" which prompts the next Mother Theresa (i.e. Sam) to come running to make sure Jane is ok.

Matt is walking around Dan's office, presumably having a session, while Dan tells Matt his story about how messed up his own life was before he got clean and sober. Matt feels like he's hearing priveleged, private information and uses this to segue into a question he's obviously been juggling in his mind for at least 5 seconds: Can patient/doctor relationships ever become personal? Naturally the answer is "No" you pinhead, so Matt immediately fires Dr. Hathaway and tells him, "we need to find me a new therapist because I'm very attracted to this one". Dan doesn't really show any emotion on this and now I'm wondering if he's just as surprised as I am that his storyline just kicked into high-gear.

Amanda walks into Kyle's, breezes past Taylor and heads straight for Kyle to inquire about the cost of renting his restaurant for one evening. She explains that it will be for a party of 2, so when Kyle suggests $1200, Taylor immediately ups the price to $2500 obviously hoping to discourage Amanda from seducing Peter home. Amanda tells them to put it on her credit card and then informs them it will be a "very private party" which means neither Taylor nor Kyle can stand in the corner making goo-goo eyes at Peter.

Sydney says a few quick prayers before answering her apartment door to meet Ben, the blind date Samantha set her up with. Her prayers are answered as Ben turns out to be a fairly attractive guy and not the goat boy she was expecting. As Syd closes the door so they can leave, Billy shouts up from the courtyard, "Hey - who's Mazaratti is that? It's blocking me in." Naturally it belongs to Ben and naturally it's red because, as Ben says, "Is there any other color?" Screw it Syd - this guy's a loser too - you'll have better luck going to Shooter's and picking up street vermin.

At the beach house, Michael and Kimberly are enjoying a relaxing evening at home playing SCRABBLE and I've got to say that my parents, who have been married 38 years, have a more exciting life than this. Kimberly is once again cooing about how great this all is and how they can be intimate without touching and then pushes the hurl factor by adding, "you'll always be my best friend". The phone rings and Kimberly jumps to answer it, instructing Michael not to "look at her letters" (he does). It's Dr. Stein, and he's calling to inform Kimberly that they found a small mass behind her right eye during her physical and that he's scheduled her for an MRI (Magnetic Resistance Imaging if I'm not mistaken - it's a test similiar to a Catscan) for tomorrow. Kimberly thanks the doctor for this terrible news, obviously not wanting her husband to know, and tells Michael she's "fit as a fiddle". Michael suddenly "remembers" that he has some serious cases in ICU and promises to "be back soon" as he bolts from the room. He runs into the bedroom and phones Megan to tell her he's on his way.

Peter shows up at Kyle's and is surprised to find the place empty except for one table in front of the fireplace, which Amanda is currently seated at. Out of nowhere comes Kyle, pushing the food cart to the table so he can make his "presentation" and then leave. After announcing their nauseating meal, he does just that. Peter tries to stay aloof so Amanda explains she wants to "start over" with this meal prepared by a guy she doesn't like in a restaurant she admits she hates. She tells Peter "no one knows you better" and "no one knows me better" and then says she wants Peter to move back home. Peter kneels beside her and starts kissing up her arm, knowing it probably tastes better than the food, and tells her, "OK".

Sydney and her blind date Ben are back at her place, so she invites him in for a nightcap. When Ben notes that Sydney's almost-empty apartment is a "nice place", Sydney quips, "It's only temporary - I'm just passing through" but hasn't she been in and out of this complex for like 3 years now? Ben excuses himself to use "the facilities" while Sydney opens a bottle of wine. Suddenly Ben emerges from the bathroom completely naked, obviously thinking that running into a girl's "facility" and removing all your clothes equals foreplay. Syd's days of casual sex have obviously ended as she avoids looking at his nakedness and tells him to get out. Ben tries to persuade her with an "Aw, c'mon", leaving Sydney no choice but to pull out her secret weapon - a SPATULA - and start waving it around while shouting at him to leave. Ben, not wanting to be another spatula statistic, grabs a pillow from the sofa to cover himself and runs out with Sydney chasing behind him shouting, "Thief! Give me back my pillow!" Witness to all this is Kyle, who has just returned home from work with flowers. After making a dumb joke, he gives the flowers to Syd noting that she "needs them more than Taylor".

Michael and Megan are lying in bed and they've obviously had such a rigorous lovemaking session that Megan is now comatose lying on Michael's chest. Michael gently pushes her aside so he can get up, run downstairs and start playing "Who Is Megan?" which is a far more exciting game than Scrabble. He's rummaging through drawers and cabinets that are surprisingly empty when he's interrupted by Megan who has just descended the stairs wearing her silk robe. She tells Michael, "Everything you need to know about me is right here" as she disrobes. Michael, naturally, jumps her and they do it on the stairs.

At Jane's boutique, Sam is telling Sydney she's "so sorry" that Ben turned out to be a Michael-wannabe. Sydney insists an apology isn't necessary since it's her own fault for listening to Sam in the first place. Nice manners, babe. Sydney tells Sam, "If they're single, there's a reason" so Sam asks if Syd is now planning on dating married men. Sam warns that doing so is a bad idea and she knows this because she's watched several episodes of "Rikki Lake" (one of this country's finest trash talk shows). Sydney informs Sam that she's just not going to date anymore because she can't have the one she wants so what's the point. Sam picks up on this vague reference to Chef Boy and asks, "Who is this guy you can't have?" Syd lies, "No one".

Kimberly is getting sucked into the big MRI machine and within SECONDS the nurse is pointing to the computer screen telling Dr. Stein, "Look at this!" And I want to know why it is that when I had my MRI done it took days for me to get my results yet these people have them in less than a minute. The astonished Dr. Stein looks at the screen and gasps, "Oh my God!"

At Shooters, Jake confronts Alison about calling the cops on Jane, which Alison quickly admits doing. Jake instantly goes into a tailspin because he wanted to deal with Jane his own way and Alison defied Bar God and got involved anyway by calling the police as well as confronting Jane. Jake tells Alison that he knows Jane is the one stalking them because in last week's episode he caught her and she confessed. This is the first Alison has heard of this revelation and she quickly notes how this whole mess is coming between she and Jake. Jake insists it's HIS problem and not THEIR problem, but Alison refuses to "call off the police" and storms out of the bar.

Billy - who was at the bar getting 2 beers and within earshot of this entire argument - returns to his table and smugly tells Sam, "Looks like there's trouble in Paradise". Sam thanks Billy for the drink and goes to leave, telling Billy, "I thought you were different - I thought you were available." She then tells him Syd's witty comment about men being single and walks out.

Sydney walks into an overcrowded and chaotic Kyle's and find's Kyle himself running around trying to be a Chef/Host/Waiter all at once. Kyle explains to Syd that it's his busiest night yet, Taylor is "missing in action", his waitstaff is "out of control" and people are walking out. Sydney jumps to his rescue, grabs a couple menus and, after setting her purse on top of the hostess station where it's in PLAIN VIEW AND ANYONE COULD STEAL IT, she starts seating people. Kyle is forever in her debt.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Since 2 episodes aired on one night, the producer's pasted the final scene of the first episode with the intro scene of the second episode. However, since I'm splitting them back in 2, the remainder of the following scene will appear as the intro in tomorrow's synopsis.]

Peter is leaving the hospital when Miss MIA herself confronts Peter in the parking lot. Taylor admits she's been following him but justifies it since "they have so much to talk about". She starts babbling some nonsense about destiny and then instructs Peter to stare at her face and "think back". Peter is understandably confused and just wants to get home to his wife, so Taylor asks, "which wife - Amanda or Beth?" This jolts Peter's attention and he immediately asks how she knows about Beth. Psycho Girl toys with Peter's emotions a little longer before finally stating, "I'm Victoria Taylor Davis" - the little sister of Peter's dead first wife Beth. And for all you people who wrote to me repeatedly insisting she WAS Beth, I have 2 words for you: EAT CROW.

--written by Lee and Stacie