Amanda's up and at 'em charging down the stairs from her apartment in some black overall outfit that makes her look like Josie from "Josie and the Pussycats". Peter, barefoot and in pajamas - evidently wandering around the courtyard for no good reason - greets her. He tells her he's up for the Chief of Staff job at Wilshire Memorial and Amanda coos, "That's wonderful", obviously forgetting that Peter was fired from that job when he tried to kill her a couple of seasons ago. "Live and Forget" seems to be the motto around Melrose. Peter tells her Michael wants the job, too. "The best man will win", Amanda assures him and, with a connubial peck on the cheek, is on her brisk career girl way. And Amanda should know who is the best man since she had an affair with Michael not so long ago. Or did we all forget about that too?

Taylor, not to be outdone by Amanda's ability to breeze through the courtyard and give Peter the brush off, comes gliding down the stairs from her apartment. "Hi", Peter says. "I'm in a hurry", Taylor replies, rushing out. But on the way out they lock eyes, again and again and again. The last pair of eyes in this scene belongs to Kyle who witnesses the whole thing from the apartment window. And the question in my mind is, "Is he jealous of Peter or Taylor?"

At D&D, Amanda comes skipping into the staff meeting telling Billy she's not late because "the old man" (Arthur) is always five minutes late. But guess what - it's not Arthur calling the meeting, it's Craig. Craig thumps his chest in front of the staff telling them D&D will have a more "youthful approach to business" now that he has assumed control. I personally can't think of anyway that the people at D&D could be more childish but, then again, I'm not a big ad exec. Craig informs everyone that his father is no longer in charge of anything and orders them not to have any contact with Arthur. After the meeting, Craig tells Billy and Amanda he will need their support during the "transition". They give their tentative agreement and after Craig leaves, Billy tells Amanda that Craig is going to turn into a monster and probably not the big, gentle, furry kind you see on "Sesame Street", either. Amanda notes, "He already is one", while Billy silently wonders if Shooters is still hiring.

It's time for the opening credits and has anyone else noticed that, since we mentioned it here, they stopped showing that girl whose ass was showing through the hole in her jeans? I almost sorta kinda miss her. Almost.

Here's one relationship that seems to be working - Dan and Matt. Dr. Perfect is brewing coffee in his country kitchen when Matt comes striding in with that after-whoopee glow. I guess they worked through that whole commitment phobia and a couple of other issues I won't go into because this is a family synopsis. "Not bad for a second date", Matt says taking a cup. The coffee or the other thing??? Must be the other thing 'cause Dan states they are now "an item" and asks Matt to a black tie affair at the hospital tomorrow. Matt says yes but doubts he can get a tux on such short notice. Well, Matt, put your anxieties to rest because Dr. Wonderful already got you one so now I'm wondering where the former owner of that tux is anyway - buried in the basement? The scene ends with the 2 of them staring deeply into each other's eyes and all I have to say is this: give me Matt's kiss and I won't quit.

Here's Chicago and here's a cab and here are Jane's parents spilling out onto the front lawn of their house to greet her. And here am I hoping they're the Bundy's but they're not. Jane must be disappointed too because she rushes right up to "her old room" where she starts to caress a white rag doll. Jane's mother interferes with Jane's regression to childhood by bursting into the suspiciously sanitary room and asking Jane why she came home. She knows that something must be terribly wrong because "even Sydney is concerned". Jane hems and haws and says she thinks she needs to be around familiar faces. Oh really? Is that why you rushed right up here to be alone? Do you think your doll actually has a face Jane? But Jane's not thinking clearly so we shouldn't hold her to the high standard of logic that we expect from the other Melrose players. Jane's mother, who is in dire need of some eye makeup as it appears she recently burned off her eyelashes, tells Jane she's getting ready for some minor surgery to have her gallbladder removed. She's glad that Jane is home because she can help out in the kitchen while her mother recuperates. Obviously this woman is not a regular viewer, otherwise she would know that the only thing Jane does well in the kitchen is make coffee and whine at Sydney.

It's evening in the courtyard and Sam is demonstrating her pure country heart by leaving her door wide open so that any serial killer could walk right in. Although no serial killer is at large (at least not this week) Sam's foolishness leads to something almost as bad - a visit from that serial drip, Billy. Billy walks in to find her painting a big blue picture of the courtyard. She asks him what he thinks and Billy (the advertising copywriter and one-time aspiring novelist) can't say anything but "Nice, the colors are great." Sam is disappointed but it's Craig to the rescue. Mr. Smooth has dropped by with a bottle of wine and spouts nonsense about "a falseness in the image" and a "darkness beneath the facade", finishing his spew with, "I minored in Art History." Two points for Craig. Sam is captivated by whatever it is Craig just said, but Billy is unimpressed. He sneers, "I minored in Phys. Ed" and leaves, probably to go look up the word "facade". Once alone, Craig apologizes for the way their last date ended and tells her they can "go at her own pace" which really means "you better start putting out soon or no more wine". She accepts his apology and gives him her painting and then toddles off to find a corkscrew so they can toast to all this nauseating happiness.

Kyle enters the courtyard and rushes up the stairs to his apartment just as Sydney is leaving hers. They pause for a moment to have a meaningless conversation about "the next painting", which Syd promises to "personally deliver" soon. Once inside, Kyle finds a pouty Taylor sitting on the couch reading the latest Cosmo article, "Big Lipped Women And The Men Who Love Them". Kyle kneels down besides her and explains that his jealousy about Peter is due in part to his own past infidelity, which must be mentioned at least twice in each episode it seems. He mentions something about chemistry and doors and urges Taylor that they *both* learn from his mistake. Taylor accepts all this and, as they exchange goofy glances and a couple dumb remarks about Kyle's "rugged, good looks", their juvenile conversation suddenly reminds me of almost every conversation Tori Spelling has ever had on Beverly Hills, 90210. Kyle then asks Taylor to promise to stay away from Peter, which she does. However, judging from the perverse, Jane-like smirk on her face, it's obvious she has no intention of keeping that promise.

Michael rings the bell to Megan's house and, after a few moments, she answers the door wrapped in a towel. I was hoping she had a client in the other room like Dr. Hathaway or even Sydney but no such luck - she was just taking a bath. Michael bounces in with an ATM card, a credit card, and a cellular phone for her and says he will make deposits of "whatever I can afford" to her new bank account twice a month. Megan isn't sure about this but, once again, Michael's whining convinces her. Just as they seal the deal with a kiss, Kimberly charges in. "Oh my God!" she cries and flies back out of the house. Michael chases after her shouting, "It's not what you think!" That's a relief since I'm sure her ONLY thoughts are, "My husband likes to dress up in strange womans' underwear and do the Macarena". Kimberly hops into her car and skids away.

Arthur Field has invited Amanda over to his place and I must say she's a brave woman because she actually went. He's right in the middle of a suck-up schmoozefest when he springs on her that he wants her to "keep a rein on Craig". It seems that he wants to protect his remaining investment in D&D and he knows just how much of an advertising loser Craig is. He offers Amanda money to keep Craig from destroying the world and she tells him she's offended by his offer but accepts it anyway. Amanda points out, "I'm not cheap" - although the previous sentence would suggest otherwise - and insists she gets to be president again after Craig screws up.

In Chicago, Jane has gone with her Mom to the hospital and once Mom goes in to get prepped for her gallbladder surgery, (which isn't a big deal at all, so let's stop kidding ourselves), Jane asks the doctor just how serious it is. The doctor tells her it's a routine surgery but her mom has a rare blood type and it would be helpful if Jane could donate some blood - you know, just in case. Jane is more than willing to help, so the nurse goes to the computer, which I found strange since everyone who has ever drawn blood from me used a needle and syringe. The nurse pulls up the Andrews' medical records and is instantly confused - it turns out that Mom's blood type is AB-, Dad's is A and Jane's is O, which is genetically impossible. Equally impossible is the fact that a woman just prepped for surgery can be fully dressed and enter a scene, but it happens as Mrs. Andrews runs in and pulls Jane aside. She explains that the difference in blood types is because Jane is adopted, (no doubt from a family of psycho dirt people), and FINALLY we have an explanation for why she and Sydney look NOTHING alike.

At Shooters, Jake hauls out a legal document and presents it to Alison. Is it a petition to bring back decent storylines? No, it's a deed making Alison half-owner of Shooters. She's really not thrilled at the gift and asks Jake what gives him the right to make such major career decisions for her. He gets that "kicked dog" look on his face and explains that he thought he was doing her a favor. She tells him that she's happy for now -- not necessarily forever. Jake tells Alison he'll get the papers reversed by his lawyer but she asks him for time to think about it. Jake sullenly slinks out of his office.

Over at Wilshire Memorial, Peter comes out of surgery and Amanda pounces on him and gives him the I-told-you-so lecture about how she knew he would always be a fantastic surgeon, even after so much time off. He concurs and they crawl down each others throats. A nurse interrupts the little love-in by telling Peter that the woman he just operated on died ten minutes after she got off the table. Peter then utters the most brilliant line of today's show: "She's dead." DUH!

Kimberly is sitting calmly at the beachhouse when Michael walks in. He's surprised to find her acting like a normal person - the brain tumor seems to have had a calming effect. Who knows what kind of a pussycat she'd be with gout and a sprained ankle, too! Michael rants about how sorry he is he betrayed her and how he still loves her. Kimberly tells him she doesn't love him anymore and that, in fact hasn't even liked him very much for quite awhile. Michael is obviously hurt by this and storms out yelling that the affair was a great idea and he's glad he did it. As the door slams and bounces back open, Kimberly sits crying on the sofa.

Its a beautiful sunny day, the leaves are falling from the trees and Jane is outside sitting at the rustic wooden table in the back yard of her parent's home. Out walks her father, the White Shadow to remind her about how much time she used to spend out there as a little girl. Jane obviously doesn't care about this as she starts to question if this is really her home at all. A couple of questions later, she finds out that Sydney was not adopted. They didn't tell Jane about any of this because they didn't want her feeling any different than Sydney. (Mr. Andrews, this is the best news Jane's had on the show. She is NOT related to Sydney!) She then starts asking questions about her biological parents and her father tells her that they will support her if she decides to look for them. She says thanks but she'll want to do it alone, so it's only a matter of time before she's surfing the net and visiting my "Adoption Options" web page (shameless plug).

Cut to the beach house where Kim has asked Megan over for tea to discuss getting "Phase II" in action. She wants Megan to know what she will get once Kim is dead and she marries Michael. Megan, doing a perfect Jan Brady impersonation straight from her hairdo down to the hippy blouse she's got on, says,"Hold on, I don't plan on marrying Michael". She doesn't want "a marriage based on a lie". (You mean you don't want to fit in with the rest of the boys and girls at Melrose Place??) Jan - I mean Megan - starts to explain how she thinks Michael's love for her will crumble once he finds out she was paid to be with him. Kim says he'll never find out because no one's going to tell him and Megan runs out of the house saying that she has to tell him. Kim yells after her "Megan! Megan!" (You can't wear that shirt home, Michael hates the retro look!!)

It's morning at D&D and wait - Amanda is wearing PANTS! It appears as if Craig has moved into her office and is putting his "knick knacks" on her desk. (Oh, the horror!) After telling Amanda and Billy that he had all of her things moved to "one of those window offices out in front" Billy starts to defend Amanda but she quickly gives in. "You've got to get along to go along", she chimes. Then they both turn to notice Sam's painting being hung on his wall. Craig tells them, "My girlfriend gave it to me." Billy, turning green, says "your girlfriend?" but Amanda cuts him off by telling Craig to "enjoy the space" and the two shuffle out into the hallway. "Its a helluva lot easier to decorate an office than to run a company", Amanda comments. Billy doesn't care - he's hung up on Sam as he mutters under his breath "his girlfriend??" and all I want to know is how Craig got his name plate glued to the door so fast.

Megan, our favorite hippy child, rushes in on Mikey having a sandwich in his new digs with all the books and she's all out of breath! She needs to tell him something but Michael is more occupied with her sudden lack of air. Before she can confess, however, in barges Kim! After all, "the door was open" and she "heard voices". Sure, Kim - come on in! She's apparently there to stop Megan from confessing to Michael so she creates a diversion by telling Michael she wants a divorce. After a long, drawn out discussion on their marriage and about "breaking the cycle", Michael says he won't contest the divorce and the two lovebirds of yesteryear part ways. Why this stopped Megan from spilling the beans is anyone's guess. Megan then tells Michael to chase after Kimberly because "that's what you want, isn't it?" and says he'll always love Kim more than he loves her. But with Kim out the door and out of sight, Michael has, of course, quickly forgotten all about her and once again focuses his attention on Megan. He babbles some nonsense about fate bringing them together and what a vision Megan was, appearing like she did on the beach - such perfect timing. He professes his love for the cross-eyed wonderwhore as she wipes away some of those sandwich crumbs from his lip and plants a big wet kiss right on the spot.

Next it's Peter out in the courtyard in the dark, sulking in a patio chair with beers lined up on the table in front of him. This means it's only a matter of time before Taylor appears and 3, 2, 1 - there she is! Sporting a sassy pair of bright orange Marcia Brady bellbottom pants, Taylor cruises by on her way from the laundry room - a room, mind you, they haven't shown since the bomb. She plays the concerned friend, getting chummy and touching Peter's hand as he tells her about how he lost a patient the day before. Now she slips into mother mode and after finding out that Amanda is working late, drags Peter up to his apartment to make him one of her "mean sandwiches" because she doesn't want him having "beer for dinner". Taylor, you're such a party pooper! Naturally, Kyle picks this exact moment to walk through the front gates just in time to see Taylor leading a woozy Peter into his apartment, her arm around him.

Dan and Matt are driving home from the hospital shindig, both obviously pleased by Date #3. Matt thanks Dan for the tux and then suggests they spend the night at his place since he has to get up early for rounds and his apartment is closer to the hospital than Dan's. After a little haggling, Dan pretty much railroads Matt into staying at his house since it's "more comfortable". Matt looks a little troubled at Dan's controlling nature and now I'm wondering if Dan is afraid of people discovering he's gay, despite the fact his date for a hospital function was a MAN.

Kyle's sitting on his couch getting drunk, obviously pissed off when Wonder Wife comes home, grinning from ear to ear. When Kyle mentions that Taylor left their laundry outside for all the world to see, Taylor quickly tries to lie her way out of it by saying, "I must have forgotten when I went to the store". Kyle tells her to give it a rest and admits he saw her escorting Peter to his apartment earlier. Taylor, still bubbly, tells Kyle that "Peter needed a friend" and she had to be there for him, despite her promise. Kyle doesn't care - she agreed to stay away from him. He starts yelling about what he wants and what he needs and says, "If your promises don't mean anything, then why should mine?" With that, he storms out of the apartment.

It's another bright, cheery morning at Melrose Place and Peter slams the telephone after unsuccessfully trying to contact Michael to see if he'll do Peter's surgeries for him. Amanda emerges from the bedroom, armed in vixen attire and, instead of a "hello" or a "good morning", the first thing she does is admonish Peter for "punishing the phone this early in the morning". Peter is still upset over the patient he lost and snarls for sympathy and if this scene gets any more bitter, I'll be needing an antacid quick. Spoke too soon - Amanda snaps at Peter "not to take his bad day out on her" (since, after all, that's HER job) and zooms out the door.

Billy is also on his way to work and, judging from the wet, curly excuse for hair on his head, his hairdryer must be broken. He passes Sam on his way out and instantly starts in on the painting she gave to Craig and how he called her his "girlfriend". Acting like a four-year-old trying to find out what he's getting for Christmas, Billy asks Sam for validation on this suddenly hot topic of his life. She replies, "I don't know if I'm his girlfriend or not but I'm pretty sure that's none of your business." As she scoots off to create more wretched paintings, Billy tells her, "I liked your painting!" Oh dear Billy - one day you'll learn the art of timing. Maybe.

Hey, wait a minute - who changed the channel? This is "ER" - oh nevermind, it's Peter in an operating room getting ready for surgery. Matt is there, having started his surgical rotation and gushes, "I'm so happy to be able to observe you" (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). After exchanging pleasantries with the other mask-faces, Peter takes the scalpel and instantly starts to panic. He flees the room and rushes into the hallway to take a few deep breaths because, as we already know, the air in the hospital has to be fresher than the air outside.

Jane is sitting talking to a nun which means A) she has decided to become a nun after numerous failed relationships B) she is hoping to turn the Catholic church on it's ear with her latest Nunnery fashions or C) she is searching for her birthparents. The answer: C. Despite the fact Jane showed up unannounced, her sealed records have miraculously materialized on the nun's desk. Funny - I thought the writers said they were going to be MORE realistic this year... The nun starts telling Jane what little information she has: Jane wasn't named at birth, her birthfather is "Unknown" (a very popular guy), and her mother's name was Sherry Larson. Jane is ecstatic to find out that Sherry's last address is in L.A. but the nun urges Jane not to let this "outweigh the love she has for her adoptive parents". Yeah yeah whatever, Penguin - gimme the address! Jane assures her she won't, takes the address and skips out the door.

Kyle is at his empty restaurant when there's a knock at the door and a painting bursts through with Sydney following behind. When she comments on his singleness, Kyle tells her he's spending the night at the restaurant because he can't stand the thought of sleeping in the same bed as Taylor. Hey Kyle - I bet a lot of men feel the same way. But Kyle doesn't want to talk about his loser wife - he wants to talk about art, so now I guess he and Sydney both minored in Art History, too. He instructs Sydney to hang the painting "over there" on a wall that amazingly already has a nail in it at exactly the right spot. Sydney tells Kyle they have to stand back ten feet when admiring the painting to "get the full effect", but Kyle is too busy admiring Sydney to be bothered with Sam's artwork. He stares at Sydney, probably wondering what it would be like to kiss someone whose lips aren't like 2 water balloons, and then decides to find out as they engage in the most sensual kiss in the history of this show.

--written by Lee, Jo, Cindy and Daniel; edited by Stacie

Craig woos Amanda over dinner and dancing which Peter later confronts Amanda about; Peter and Taylor are flirting at Kyle's bar so Kyle confronts and threatens Peter.