At the blissful home of Burns & Woodward, the phone is ringing off the hook and Peter is so absorbed in today's paper and its Dilbert comic that he obviously doesn't hear it. Amanda steps into the room for a moment and gives him one of those "wife looks" so he answers the phone. It's Dr. Schulman calling to inform him that he didn't get the Chief of Staff job and she wanted to say goodbye since she's probably not going to be on the show anymore. Peter shares his bad news with Amanda and then decides his best therapy is to go golfing. Amanda is disturbed by this and notes, "I've always heard that a doctor who treats himself has a fool for a patient" but Peter is unfazed as he grabs his clubs and waltzes out the door. He passes none other than Taylor out in the courtyard because their "ex in-law" connection makes it possible for her to be around EVERY SINGLE TIME Peter and Amanda have a fight. She gleefully informs Peter that their friendship has her "husband's full consent" but Peter could care less - he has a few golf balls he must disect first.

At Dopey & Dorky, Arthur walks into Craig's office which surprisingly has family photos on almost every shelf despite the fact that Craig hates his father, has no friends and his so-called girlfriend won't put out. Arthur starts to re-hash the "You Suck At Running D&D" speech but Craig has had enough. He threatens Daddy Dearest that, if he doesn't drop his lawsuit, he will let loose their big family secret which will send Arthur to jail for a very long time. Arthur panics and tells Craig, "that was our secret - we shared that... you're going to just throw that away?" Ah, finally - a nice family bonding moment on this show. Field Senior stomps out of the office, passing Billy on the way, shortly followed by Field Junior who stops to spend a moment with him. Craig boasts to Billy about being in control of his life, his company and how "grateful" (wink wink nudge nudge) Sam is for her new loft.

Jane is at a nursing home - possibly the same one Sydney tried to put her in this time last year - looking for Joe Curtis, a former film producer. She tells Mr. Curtis that she's looking for Sherry Ducette and explains that she's adopted and Sherry is her birthmother. Mr. Curtis is intrigued and offers to "make a few phone calls" provided that he "gets the film rights" and let me tell you now, Joe - if this adoption story doesn't involve rejection and circus animals, no studio is going to buy it.

Kimberly is at home on the phone with her insurance agent inquiring about different life insurance policies when Michael comes in to get some of his clothes. Kim abruptly ends her phone conversation so she and Michael can have yet another heated discussion about Megan. Kimberly is surprised to hear that Michael is moving in with Matt and not Megan and pushes for Michael to go join his latest tramp. Michael is obviously perplexed by Kim's insistance that he join Megan but Kim explains nothing and thus another storyline trudges along at a snail's pace.

At Shooters, Matt informs Alison that he suddenly has too much going on in his life and needs to quit but is afraid to tell Jake and wants Alison to do it for him because this is exactly the kind of wimpy role model all of Gay Male America wants representing them. Alison tells Matt it's not a problem and it's not -- until Jake catches wind of all this about 15 seconds later. He yells at Alison but she defends her actions by noting that "Matt's in love". He tells her, "Love has nothing to do with running a business!" which is easily the most hypocritcal thing he could say unless his decision to make Alison a partner in Shooters was based solely on her ability to flip her hair and whine alot.

Back at the bar, Dan is drinking a BEER which is yet another oversight by the writers/directors of this show, especially when you consider what a fuss he made last week when Matt ordered a drink. Note to Aaron: Birthmothers are not called "real" mothers and recovering alcoholics DON'T DRINK BEER - not even the non-alcoholic variety. Trust me, I speak from personal experience - do your research. Matt tells Dan that he gave his 2-seconds notice so Dan pushes for the next step and urges Matt to move in with him. Jake picks this exact moment to confront Matt so Dan flexes his macho ego by telling Jake what a crappy job it was to begin with. Before a really cool fight can ensue, however, Wimp Boy introduces Dan and Jake to each other. Dan leaves in a huff and Jake points out with his bartender wisdom that Dan is a "take charge guy". I wonder how many siblings *Dan* has pushed off construction scaffolds.

Billy pays Sam a visit at her loft and immediately starts making comments about Craig's incinuations that Sam is doing him out of gratitude for the loft. Naturally, Sam gets outraged and again here's a scene in which nothing new happens. Billy tells her he "didn't mean to stir anything up" before walking out the door and if that were true then what the HELL did you come here for in the first place???

Kyle and Taylor -- whose hair looks more and more like it just survived a hurricane -- are walking up the stairs to their apartment discussing the fact that Taylor needs at least 2 days a week off for her "down time". Just exactly who (or what) it is she needs to go down on is anybody's guess. As Kyle whines about how he's going to find a replacement for her on such short notice, Syd witnesses -- and eavesdrops -- on the entire conversation from her apartment.

Minutes later, Jane enters the courtyard and makes a beeline for her apartment but not before being chased down by Sydney who demands to know where Jane was all day. She then informs Jane that she gave herself a raise but Jane isn't listening -- for on her answering machine is a message from Sherry Ducette telling her to meet her for lunch the following day at a restaurant that isn't Shooters OR Kyle's - amazing.

Peter is asleep working on a good case of morning breath when Amanda wakes him up and immediately starts badgering him about his whereabouts the previous evening. Despite the fact that he came home long after 1am, he is instantly forgiven when he magically produces several checks totalling $1000 - his winnings on several golf bets. Amanda is thrilled, especially when he adds that he won an additional $200 while playing cards, but her excitement is short-lived when he suggests he spend even more time on the golf course. He begs, "Don't take this away from me, too" and they decide to celebrate his big gambling victory that night at Kyle's.

Jane is sitting at the mother-appointed restaurant by herself when Sydney comes in to offer her support. Seeing that Sherry is a no-show, Syd immediately reminds Jane how "she got rid of you" and "we're sisters" and somehow I don't think Jane is finding this very supportive. She tells Sydney, "We're not really sisters" and then asks that she not be there when Sherry arrives. A waiter approaches the table and informs Jane that Sherry called to say she can't make it because of her busy, glitzy life and would Jane mind stopping by her home instead. Jane smirks while Syd looks at the menu to decide which wine best goes with humble pie.

Samantha marches into D&D, pulls Craig aside and asks him why he hasn't been returning her phone calls. She then tells him to stop including her in his "guy talk" and, given that she's as sensual as a piece of wood, she should be grateful he talks about her at all. They play a little game of "But Billy Said..." while a very content looking Billy listens to their conversation and smiles.

Kyle is at the restaurant holding interviews for his big new position of "Part-Time, 2 Nights A Week, Loser, Minimum Wage Hostess" when Sydney -- whose hair is clean for a change -- waltzes in and announces that the job is hers. "I'm perfect for the job", she tells him, "I've filled in for Taylor before." That's for sure. Kyle is hesitant to hire a woman he had sex with on the steam table but after some hemming and hawing he finally concedes.

Matt is running around the hospital with his pack of fellow med students when Dan hijacks him to talk about their conversation last night. "You got me out of rounds for this?", Matt hisses but Dan is unfazed as he persists in his quest to get Matt to move in with him. He mutters some more nonsense about how Matt is the love of his life and how his house is a "small, lonely, little world" without Matt in it and I think it's time for Dr. Recovery to check himself into some codependency programs. Matt finally says OK and naturally they hug since men can kiss each other on shows like "Friends" but God-forbid not on this show.

Amanda and Peter are celebrating at Kyle's as planned when Peter tells Amanda he wants to abandon medicine and pursue golf full-time. He tells her he always wanted to be a golf pro and considered not going to medical school because of it. Clearly, Amanda is not happy about this and the bickering starts up once more. Just then a zombie-looking Taylor, complete in her puke-colored velour jumpsuit, approaches the table completely fixated on Peter to ask if she can "get them anything". A few nasty comments from Amanda gets her to leave but she is instantly replaced by the other evil McBride, Kyle. Kyle and Peter discuss golf briefly before Peter's pager goes off and he excuses himself to go use the telephone. Conveniently, the pay phones are right in front of the Ladies bathroom which Taylor emerges from as soon as Peter picks up the phone. "I beeped you", she tells him. Mr. Golf is getting annoyed with her shenanigans so she excitedly -- really, she's almost jumping up and down -- reminds him that tomorrow is the anniversary of Beth's death and asks him to join her in an eerie candle lighting ritual she supposedly does every year. Peter -- who must be remembering straitjackets and lobotomies right about now -- reluctantly agrees to meet her in some church the following evening.

Arthur Field is playing against his tennis ball machine out on his lovely tennis court when Amanda storms across it in her little brown pinstripe pantsuit (looking more like Farrah Fawcett every day) wanting to know why he's dropped the lawsuit against Craig. He tells her that it seems Craig was a little more on top of things than he originally thought. "I thought I'd let him get his feet wet at the helm rather than at the hem of your skirt", he tells her and with that, Amanda figures out that Arthur doesn't need her anymore. Getting stabbed in the back once again, she leaves Arthur's palace threatening him with "problems" now that she's on her own.

Jane's now arrived down the street from Arthur's at her mother's mansion and boy is her nice suit all wrinkly -- and she's wearing floods no less! Sherry/Donna Mills opens the door and they both look at each other in awe -- no doubt each is thinking, "How could anyone be as beautiful as me?" Sherry offers Jane some tea and they both sit down like they're going to plan a PTA meeting. Sherry gets straight to the point and says that she has no desire to have Jane in her life. "I gave you away for very complicated reasons. I couldn't even begin to explain everything that was involved." Jane doesn't care - she needs love, dammit! Sherry's obviously not going to stand for any more groveling and tells Jane, "please don't try to contact me again." Hurt and all choked up, Jane heads for the door, wishing she'd packed that damn travel iron. Sherry looks up at the door after Jane has left, showing regret and remorse and love and concern on her face. Wow, what an actress.

Peter's all ready to tee-off when Mr. McBride pulls a Taylor and pops out of nowhere in a golf cart, ready to challenge Petey to a game. After calling a truce of sorts, Kyle admits that he hasn't played in a while and that he wouldn't even know what his handicap is so they agree to some sort of golf odds and start to play. Then -- and I know we've all been waiting for this -- we get to see Peter the Great drive a golf ball out into the air. Oooo. Ahhh. Kyle smirks.

In a great display of directing goofs, Sam is in her "studio" and has her hand an inch away from the door just as Billy knocks. (I can hear the director now... "I told you to open it AFTER he knocks!") Groveling once again, Billy starts apologizing for everything and anything he's ever done in his life it seems and Sam says she's through with men and their assumptions (unless, of course, they give her a loft to paint in.) Billy slyly admits to his jealousy and Sam begins to soften up a bit. After noticing an unfinished sketch of a half-naked man on the table, Billy offers to model for her so she can finish it (seems her model bailed out on the job). When he offers to model without his shirt, Sam stammers. Billy then says he'll be keeping his pants on "cuz I've had it up to here with women and their assumptions". Sam actually smiles here. But it's nothing compared to her glee at seeing Billy's abs! He starts to ham it up doing a bit of The Twist for her so she can get the right angle as the drool almost crawls out of her mouth.

Cut back to Kyle and Peter on the golf course and it seems that Mr. McBride has won and Peter is not being a very good sport about it. Kyle offers to back out of their $1500 bet sighting Peter's failing medical practice but Peter has too big of an ego to let that slip and states, "There's nothing wrong with my practice!" Grinning from ear to ear, Kyle says he'd love to play again and "too bad you had to go double or nothing on those last three holes". So I suppose it's only a matter of time before Peter is on his way to Gamblers Anonymous.

Later that evening, Peter is at the church with Taylor, the second half of the duo from hell, in her Sabrina Duncan outfit complete with scarf around the neck, beige vinyl coat and some gloopy orange lip gloss. "Just like the old days", she says and I'm wondering now how many times she and Peter have been to churches to mourn the death of women he's been married to. Peter once again mentions how all of that is in the past but nope, Taylor's ready to dive right back in. She rambles on about how different things would be if Beth hadn't died and - surprise, surprise - how Taylor wouldn't have had to cover for him. She confesses that it was *she* who wrote the final entry in Beth's diary saying how Peter couldn't go through with that fatal injection when in actuality he did. "Why didn't you tell me this weeks ago?", he storms. "What is this - blackmail?" Taylor explains that she was just sparing him the memories by not telling him earlier. Apparently candlelight vigils on the anniversary of Beth's death, however, do not bring up any painful memories. "Well then why tell me now!?!", he asks. Of course she didn't want to, but "this day, how could I not tell you?" Peter again tries to push her away telling her that the past is the past but Taylor starts to ramble about how much she thinks about all of it constantly and how badly she wanted to live with he and Beth and how special Peter was to her and how her whole world exploded, blah blah blah. She starts to cry so Peter holds her for a minute. But of course within seconds he jets out of there, leaving Taylor standing at the altar.

Morning in the courtyard and look who's returned - it's Leaf Blower Man hard at work. (Um, I believe those machines were outlawed in California last month.) Inside their apartment, Kyle is busy bragging to Taylor about his recent winnings on the golf course but Taylor is more concerned about Peter's finances and demands that Kyle give the money back. "A bets a bet", Kyle reminds us. Taylor won't have any of this so she tells him that if he gives Peter the money back, Sydney can work at the restaurant and last time I checked, the restaurant's name was "Kyle's" and not "Ugly Girl Who Doesn't Know How To Dress". Kyle decides to give Peter his money back and, on his way over to see him, bumps into Amanda who inquires about his rent which is now late. He signs over Peter's check to Amanda, saying it should cover this month's and next month's rent so, in actuality, he hasn't paid Peter back a dime. Either Kyle is as sneaky as is wife or he just can't do basic math - I bet it's the latter. Peter then descends the stairs with golf clubs in hand and Amanda immediately lays into him about how his "little golfing fiasco" cost her two months rent. She then tells him that his golf fantasies are quickly becoming her nightmare and then says, "it's got to stop". Peter gets cocky so she tosses his golf clubs into the pool and storms out. Witness to this is Michael who mutters, "Well I see things haven't changed much around here" as he heads into Matt's/his apartment. Once inside, he's startled by Megan who emerges from the bedroom half-naked and I'm not sure if he's shocked because she's there or because she's now wearing Jane's ugly black lace hand-me-downs. Either way, it's time for her to start finding other ways to bide her time now that she's unemployed - maybe SHE should take up golf. Megan tells Michael that she went looking for him at the hospital and, when she couldn't find him, got the key from Matt - a man who has never laid eyes on her before. She continues, "I don't care whether you live with me or not because I'll have sex with you wherever you want." Michael looks a tad bit horrified but follows her into the bedroom.

Jane wants a second chance with Mom and, well, she's ironed her suit today so I guess she's earned it. She heads back over to Sherry's mansion but soon discovers once talking to the young man who answers the door that Sherry doesn't live there. She's actually a secretary for the young man's father and house-sits while the family is away (they just returned from their trip today). Jane tells him that her business with Sherry is "personal" which is enough reason for him to give Jane -- a complete stranger -- Sherry's home address. What is it with these people? Hey Aaron - I run "Melrose Space" and I'd like to contact your daughter, Tori - can I have her address?

Sam the artist must have abandoned her job at the boutique because once again she's in her loft painting when Craig enters with a big bouquet of flowers. She admires them for about half a second before continuing with her latest work of art which involves flicking paint onto the canvas with her fingers. Craig wants to go see a movie and get some dinner but Sam can't - she's got to get up early. Craig won't take no for an answer and suggests that they stay up all night as he kisses her. Sam gets upset because, hey - she's working on her finger painting! "This is my studio, not your love nest!", she snaps. Craig goes off about how they are sharing experiences and helping each other out and "it's a give and take situation." Sam of course knows what he's implying here and storms out of the loft. Craig, looking mighty tan ("Baywatch Nights" perhaps?) is left standing there thinking his loft should have gone to someone a little less virginal.

We're back with Jane now and she's found her mother in a tiny apartment. After Sherry answers the door with a disgusted look on her face, Jane asks if she can come in. Of course mom says no but Jane barges in anyway (Look, my suit is all ironed for you dammit!) Turns out Jane really just wants to talk and to get to know her mother. Sherry's apparently ashamed of her life and where she lives but Jane says she doesn't care about any of that. Sherry looks like she needs a stiff drink so Jane holds her hand and asks if it's ok that she is there. Sherry's crying now repeating "I don't know" over and over again and we end this with a close-up of their hands clenched over each others. Awwwww, the tenderness.

--written by Cindy, Stacie and Danny Gonzales with special thanks to Michelle for noting the Dan/beer oversight!

Kim tells Megan that she could only take out an "accidental death" life insurance policy so she's decided to kill herself. Peter makes a public scene when he finds Amanda and Craig having dinner together. Later, Amanda won't let Peter into the apartment and screams at him through the door that "its over!!"