Meanwhile, down in Dallas' hottest, most happening bar - the Buffalo Chip Saloon (I'm not making this up, folks) Taylor stops in to see Nick, ask him again about Christine, and show off her latest "Biker Barbie" wardrobe addition, complete with black go-go boots. Nick explains that, even though the front door was unlocked and open, the bar isn't open for business yet. He orders her to "get out" but when she refuses he grabs her arm and forcefully throws her out, telling her to go home and leave him alone. Yeah Nick, as if anyone could actually be that lucky.

Another morning breakfast scene at THE CONDO only now Lexi's father is there. I don't know what it is about this place but ever since Peter moved in it's done nothing but attract the mentally unstable. Witness its recent residents: Taylor (no explanation needed there), Lexi the Pill Junkie, Bob the "Please Love Me" Wet Blanket and now Psycho Dad. As Lexi and "Daddy" have breakfast, a chill goes up my spine as I flashback to similar scenes between Brooke and her "Daddy" and I know it's only a matter of time before we're exposed to more episodes of "Lifestyles of the Incestual Rich & Famous". Peter sticks his nose out just long enough to say goodbye and after he's gone, Lexi's father makes no secret of the fact he thinks Peter is a "bozo" and Lexi should have stayed with Coop. Hmmm... if you think he's so damn wonderful maybe YOU should go sleep with him. After all, he is in Matt's old apartment...

And speaking of Mr. Perfect, here comes Coop now - driving up to Michael's house just in time to help Amber with some of her suitcases. Michael meets them out on the porch and demands to know why Coop is there. Coop explains he's there to "offer an olive branch" and why such things must be taken care of before 9AM on a workday is beyond me. I mean, it's not like these 2 don't see each other all day. Michael tells Coop where he can shove his olive branch until Amber gives him a look that says, "If you don't behave nicely to this nice man who is old enough to be my father but then again, so are you - I won't let you see my naked breasts until you buy me a personality." Knowing such a thing is out of his price range, Michael immediately accepts Coop's gesture of good will. Coop turns to leave, but not before asking Amber if she's attending the hospital reception THE PRACTICE is throwing the following evening. Amber is clueless to what he's talking about so Michael, who obviously didn't want her there, tells her he forgot to invite her and tells Coop she'll definitely be attending.

Coop's Van-O-Wagon must have wings because now he's in the hospital locker room talking with Peter about Lexi's father. Peter complains that the man hates him so Coop boasts about how he had "no problems" with the guy but suggests Peter "stay on his good side". Yeah Coop and maybe you can also suggest what such a thing entails (*wink*wink*nudge*nudge*). The conversation turns to their reception when Coop starts in again about how it's only a matter of time before Michael screws up big time and they have to force him out of THE PRACTICE. Peter says no such thing will be happening because, after all, Michael is a "good salesman" and that really is all that's important in a medical practice, right? You don't really need reputable doctors to have a successful practice, just a good salesman, a golf addict and a guy who likes to have sex with comatose patients.

Amanda wakes up in her hospital bed to find Kyle sitting next to her staring at her with this big goofy grin on his face so either he's lovestruck or he's started smoking crack. They share some meaningless drivel about their wonderful relationship and upcoming wedding when Peter interrupts to check on his star patient. Kyle explains they were just talking about their wedding which shocks Peter who obviously knew nothing about it. Forcing a smile, he congratulates Kyle with a handshake and Amanda with a kiss on the cheek. Suddenly, he turns into Prince Charming as his magic kiss awakened the feeling in Princess Amanda's legs. She shouts gleefully that she can "feel pressure" on her legs so Peter orders some more tests.

Jennifer is walking out of the courtyard to her car when she's approached by a voice in the bushes. He tries to hide his identity but Jennifer quickly realizes it's Dr. Dorkboy Mosely who is there to tell her Craig's latest "Get Rich Quick At The Risk Of Patients' Lives" scheme. He explains how Craig is quietly switching manufacturers on their latest heart valve product and, as a result, using the cheaper plastic could "endanger lives". In his monkeyboy monotone, Mosely tells Jennifer how Craig threatened to fire him "and worse" but he felt Jennifer could be trusted. Handing over an oversized envelope stuffed with all the documentation, Mosely creepily tells Jennifer how beautiful she is and how "in another, less dangerous time maybe we could have something". Now THERE is something to be truly frightened about. "Goodbye... for now," he dramatically sighs as he disappears into the darkness.

Nick returns home to his rat trap of an apartment and is surprised to find Taylor sitting there in the dark waiting on him. He asks how she got in so she explains she told the landlord she was Nick's sister and then paid his rent which was 2 months overdue. Thinking money might get her on his good side, she asks yet again about Christine so Nick says flatly, "Christine is dead." Taylor is disappointed to hear this and explains about Kyle's upcoming wedding to Amanda and how she'd hoped she could use Christine to "rattle Kyle's cage". Nick snickers and tells her to go away until she can come up with a better storyline for him that closer resembles the more exciting one he had last year.

At the jazz club, Sam and Billy are talking to a couple guys representing their latest client, a sporting goods company. The guys tell them flat out they want a celebrity spokesperson and already have their heart set on one - Jeff Baylor, a snot-nosed minor league baseball star on his way up to the big leagues. Unfortunately, Jeff isn't too keen on endorsements but Sam eagerly tells the gentleman they'll be in touch. After they leave, Billy explains how he and Amanda tried to sign Baseball Boy a couple years earlier to no avail when he notices Sam isn't wearing her wedding ring. She explains how she dropped it down the kitchen sink and had to get a plumber to retrieve it and a jeweler to fix it and didn't tell Billy because she knew he would be mad and, after all, this wouldn't be a Melrose marriage without SOME kind of lies, deceipt and secrets, right? But if this is the best they can come up with, I suggest Sam or Billy develop a deep psychosis VERY QUICKLY.

At the other side of the club, Craig is sitting at the bar talking with Jennifer who is giving him the third degree about the cheaper manufacturer he's using. Craig tells her to keep her nose out of his business and then warns, "keep your trap shut or I'll kill you." My, my it's amazing how testy some people get when they're reduced to one scene per episode isn't it?

Wow, talk about nightmares - it appears Nick is LIVING one as he wakes up in bed with Taylor. Instead of rushing to the bathroom to hurl, he tells Taylor, "Ok, we had sex - what do you want?" Nothing like a little after-sex sweet talk, huh Nick? Taylor tells Nick she wishes there was some way she could help Nick and Kyle be friends again and starts in about how bad Amanda is for Kyle. When she uses the jazz club as an example, Nick's ears perk and he asks her more about the club. Turns out Nick and Kyle used to talk about opening a jazz club and Nick's a little wounded that Kyle did it without him. Taylor tells him she owns part of the club and will share it with Nick if he helps her prove to Kyle how wrong he is about Amanda. Nick tells her that Christine and Kyle were more in love than he'd ever seen anyone even the Captain and Tennille. When he stops, Taylor senses there's more and presses him for details but he says that's all she's getting out of him and orders her, once again, to get out.

At the hospital, Coop is by the elevator talking with Tom - Lexi's "Daddy" - when Peter approaches them. Tom excitedly asks Peter why he never told him that Coop hired Peter into HIS practice but before Peter can explain it's the other way around, the elevator arrives and Tom jumps in. Peter walks off in search of a maintenance man who can cut the elevator cables and send Daddy Warbutts plummeting to his death. Coop notices Jennifer at the nurses station and approaches her to ask impatiently, "what's wrong now?" Handing him the stack of documents given to her by Mosely she informs him, "Craig has gone off the deep end."

Hey look - it's the same shot of the outside of a hotel with the fountain spewing and a black limosine cruising by. Is Eric back? Are Billy and Sam getting married again? Maybe Sydney's father has returned or maybe the producers are just too lazy to shoot more than one outside scene of what appears to be the only hotel in LA. Inside, the camera pans along a lengthy buffet of food being served by waiters with no heads. Nearby, Lexi, Peter, Coop and Megan share in some meaningless chit-chat when Michael and Amber make their entrance - and what an entrance it is. Amber is wearing a turquoise slip that barely covers her ass and trying to pass it off as a dress, so Megan approaches her and offers some fashion tips that helped her when she herself made the transition from sex object to doctor's date. Removing her scarf, Megan puts it around Amber's shoulders and they return to the festivities.

Elsewhere, Peter returns from the bar and hands Lexi a glass of champagne. He tells her how he ran into Coop and her father at the hospital and whines some more about how her father doesn't like him. She tells him how he's hung up on Coop but assures him, "Daddy will learn to love you, too." Yeah, just as soon as he joins in on Psycho Dad's secret fantasy of "Let's Play Doctor".

Amber is standing off to the side looking very uncomfortable and out of place when Coop approaches her and gives her some champagne to help relax her. She politely declines, citing how champagne "makes her crazy" but Coop insists, telling her it's "doctor's orders". Accepting the glass, Amber gulps it down while Coop promises to "keep an eye on her".

Taylor is sitting in a bar in the Dallas airport, which looks surprisingly a lot like the LA airport, when Nick approaches her and says, "tell me about the jazz club." She tells him about how great and wonderful it is so he gives her the rest of the Christine story. "She didn't die," he informs her and then continues how she was badly injured and her face was disfigured. She didn't want Kyle to "live with an invalid" the rest of his life (ironic - didn't Amanda say the same thing last week?) so she made Nick promise to tell Kyle she died. Taylor's lips swell as she excitedly tells him this may be exactly what they need.

Back at the hospital shindig, Peter anxiously approaches Michael and asks him to do something about his date. Looking across the room, Michael is horrified to see a drunken Amber - sans Megan's scarf - dancing on a table. Rushing over to her he begs her to stop and when she continues, he grabs her and promptly falls backward and crashes into the buffet of food.

Sam and Billy go to a charity carnival where Jeff Baylor is in the dunk tank. Billy buys 3 balls and, in between his failed attempts to dunk Baseball Boy, tells him about the ad agency and the client who wants him. Jeff isn't interested but says he'll listen to their sales pitch if Sam can dunk him with the last ball. Naturally, she turns out to be a baseball wizard as she throws and dunks him. Walking over to the tank, she hands Jeff her business card and tells him how her fast ball was clocked at 67 mph in high school. Wow - will the Wild And Wonderful Secrets Of Samantha Reilly Campbell never cease?

Michael is standing on the back porch of the beach house drinking a cup of coffee and contemplating burning some more living room furniture when Amber walks out. She notes he didn't have much to say when he got home the previous evening so he angrily jumps on her about her drunken behavior at the party. She explains that she doesn't handle alcohol well and Michael "left her alone" so Michael spouts, "What the hell was I thinking - taking a bimbo to a ball. Trash all dressed up is still just trash." Amber slaps him across the face with all the strength and might of a dead fish and Michael just walks away, presumably to go laugh at her behind her back.

At Kyle's, Peter, Coop and Megan are discussing whether or not to toss Michael out of THE PRACTICE when Michael comes in and overhears their conversation. Before they can defend themselves, Michael angrily hisses at each of them and tells them, "I promise you all of your problems have just begun." Holding up a glass of something alcoholic (because no one on this show except for Girl Jogging With Dog drinks water) Michael offers a toast: "To old friends and new enemies" and then throws the drink in Coop's face. Instead of wincing in pain as one would do if alcohol were thrown in their eyes, Coop jumps up to punch Michael but Peter escorts Michael out before a fight can even begin. Alone with Megan, Coop tries to make nice-nice but she wants no part of it and leaves.

Jennifer is in her apartment when the unthinkable happens - CRAIG IS IN MORE THAN ONE SCENE THIS EPISODE! He shows up at her door with flowers and tells her how Coop kicked him out of their company this morning. Asking if she has a vase, he explains that he brought the flowers as an apology but as soon as he's in her apartment he evily mumbles how he could have "saved them for her funeral". With vase in hand, Jennifer tells him to get out but Craig insists on telling her she's a "selfish piece of trash" and throws the flowers at her. In turn, Jennifer throws the vase at him but he ducks and it goes through the window. Billy, who is down at the mailboxes, hears the breaking glass and runs up to Jennifer's apartment where he finds Craig attacking Jennifer. A fight ensues, with each of the three Melrosians getting in at least one good punch or kick before Craig breaks free and runs out. Good choreography - Paula Abdul must have been in town. Jennifer confirms that she's ok before breaking down and crying in Billy's strong hero arms.

Kyle is in Amanda's bed having yet another nightmare when he shouts the name Christine and wakes himself up. Noticing Amanda is not in bed, he calls out for her and discovers she's managed to inch herself into the bathroom with the aid of her walker. She asks him if he's ok so he tells her he got scared when he "woke up and you weren't there" as if she couldn't hear his blood-curtling shouting of another woman's name. Amanda says nothing and just hugs him.

Michael is over at Jennifer's looking at her face and checking to see if anything is broken because obviously she was too stupid to go to the emergency room the previous evening when anything could actually be done to fix it if it were broken. Luckily for her, it's not and the conversation switches from Craig's psychosis to Michael getting booted out of his practice before Michael leaves to go clean out his office.

Peter, Lexi and Psycho Dad are at Kyle's having dinner where Peter is doing his best at being "Cheerful Charlie". Tom tells his daughter that his company is going to open a branch in LA and asks if she'd run it. Lexi ecstatically accepts and as she rounds the table to hug her father, accidentally dips her elbow in his dinner. She excuses herself to go clean it off giving her father the opportunity to tell Peter the real reason he offered her a job was to get her to wise up and leave the good doctor. Before Peter can retaliate, Lexi returns and excitedly asks her father to tell her more about the company, so he resigns himself to silence and secretly plots to suffocate Daddy Dearest in his sleep.

Coop stops by Megan's to pick her up for their date but Megan isn't sure she wants to go. She accuses Coop of "being out to sabatoge Michael all along" which he emphatically denies and then asks if she's still protective of Michael out of guilt or jealousy. Megan doesn't understand the latter part of the question so Coop explains that Amber is a stripper and Michael is "turning her life around" the same way he did Megan's. Megan isn't surprised to hear about Amber's occupation but wants to know why Coop didn't tell her sooner. Exasperated, Coop tells her she sounds as paranoid as Michael so Megan tells him their date is off and she doesn't want to see him until "I decide if I trust you or not".

Amanda is at home in bed on the phone to Kyle who is reluctantly at the jazz club even though he'd rather be home with her. She explains that she has a lot of work to do so he agrees to stay at work for a couple more hours. They hang up after which Amanda realizes she left her briefcase out in the living room. With the assistance of her walker, she goes out to get it but the strap of the briefcase gets hung up on a chair tripping Amanda and sending the briefcase flying. Lying face down on the floor with the walker just out of reach, Amanda is reduced to screaming for help.

Jennifer is once again on her way out of the courtyard en route to her car when a man grabs her from behind and sticks a gun in her back. The man turns out to be Craig who demands she turn over the car keys. Jennifer obliges but begs Craig not to get himself into "anymore trouble". Craig hisses, "Sydney was right - you're all a bunch of emotional vampires!" Turning the engine on, he says, "Goodbye, Jennifer," and speeds off.

Michael returns home to a house that's a little less furnished than it was before but only I seem to notice. Michael calls out for Amber a few times and when she doesn't answer, he assumes she's moved out and mumbles, "good riddance" to himself. As he sits down to watch some TV, he picks up the remote control and only then does he realize that both the TV and the VCR are missing. Turning around toward the kitchen, he sees both the microwave and cappucino machine are gone and heads into the bedroom where he discovers his stereo, $1000 cash and even Grandpa's cufflinks are also missing. "How could she do this to me?" he cries as he sits on the bed remembering how he called each of his ex-wives worse things than "trash" and yet none of them ever ripped off his major appliances. They tried to kill him, but they never stole from him.

Back at Melrose Place, Amanda is still lying face down on the floor screaming for help when none other than Taylor walks in. Rushing over to Amanda, she picks her up and helps her back to bed. As she makes a comment about how "heavy" Amanda is, I realize these 2 are the best comedy duo on this show since Michael and Sydney. Amanda tells Taylor not to tell Kyle about this little incident so Taylor agrees and replies, "since we're sharing secrets, have I got a doozie for you - it's about Christine."

Hold the phones... is that Craig? Again? This is the FOURTH scene he's been in this episode. Sadly, though, it appears to be his last. Craig is sitting in Jennifer's stolen parked car talking to Sydney and telling her he "couldn't do it without her". He tells her, "I miss you... I want to hold you again... I want to be with you" and does just that as he puts the gun to his head and pulls the trigger. So much for Baywatch.

--written by Stacie

Taylor tells Kyle she knows about Christine because she wrote a letter to him when they were in Boston; Amanda urges Kyle to go see Christine so he does; Lexi is surprised to find out her father has arranged for Coop to be her new business partner; Valerie Harper makes a guest appearance as Mother Mancini whose first order of business appears to be slapping her son Michael across the face (probably to show Amber how it's really supposed to be done).