Now we see Amanda and Kyle rolling around sleepily in the leopard spotted sheets (does she EVER wash those things?! Eeeewwww.) They may be emulating dogs in some fashion, but it is certainly not fighting. Amanda vows to Kyle that if ANYONE tries to come between them such as Taylor or Christine she will kill them or, more descriptively, "rip their heart out".

Next, we see another couple awakening in sensual bliss, but it's Sam and Baseball-Boy! He hasn't even made it to Spring Training and he's already hit a Home Run! Sam freaks out and jumps up to get dressed. During this process, it dawns on her that she's married. She instructs the Slugger to jump a plane for Spring Training and forget this ever happened, even tells him that the term "a roll in the hay" is over describing it. She insists it was "a mistake, bumping into someone, rubbing against them" (Come ON, Sam! She must have "bumped into" and "rubbed against" him several times!) She practically exceeds the speed limit on foot to get out of there.

Billy and Jennifer arrive home after wrapping up the shoot and each other. During idle chatter, Billy suggests they talk about "the kiss". She apologizes and says she got caught up in the impulsive moment. Billy decides he needs something to forget too, so he lays another wet one on her! He says goodnight and goes home to an empty apartment. Jennifer hears footsteps so she hides in the shadows to view the newcomer (standard Melrose practice, they never just say "Hi" when someone comes home). It's Sam, looking barely buttoned and VERY guilty. Billy is sitting at the table having just arrived home himself. Sam babbles about what a slave driver Amanda is, giving her six new layouts to be finished by the morning. Billy reveals that he just got home himself from the shoot and Sam asks him if he's happy and did he get everything he wanted. He replies "That and more", but we're pretty sure there are a couple other things that would have satisfied him more to have come away with. Billy says he missed her and she tells him she's "beat". (Beat?! Pretty kinky, Slugger!) She goes down the hall to take a shower and slumps to the floor on the other side of the door, mortified with herself.

Now the credits with the bad song and anonymous butt-shots are over and we see Sam jogging upstairs to Amanda's place in her pajamas. Amanda answers the door and a frazzled Sam asks for a favor requesting a yes or no answer with no questions asked which immediately makes Amanda lean toward "no" and probably a door-slam afterward. But Sam babbles on and asks Amanda to back up her story that she had to work very late last night, do a bunch of layouts, yadda yadda, when Amanda interrupts her and asks "You're having an affair with Jeff Baylor, aren't you?!" Sam looks like she smells something bad and makes a weak effort to deny it before she caves in with the truth. Amanda concedes to cover for her, but says she'll only tell Billy that Sam did a "fair job", not a "great job", as this would be more realistic. Sam hugs her and Amanda looks perplexed as she always does at the sign of any affection from a female. On her way back down the stairs, Sam runs into Jennifer who immediately sees in Sam's eyes that she spent some time in the dugout with Jeff. Sam tells Jennifer she's getting her into nothing but trouble. When Jennifer replies that was not her intention, Sam asks "What IS your intention?!" Jennifer's most honest answer here would be "To steal your husband when you're not looking" but instead, replies it is to "get out of her way".

Lexi is swaggering down a hallway and suggesting to Coop that they should try this new restaurant when Coop interrupts her and makes some vague suggestions that she should go back to Cleveland to bail her Parent Company out of it's financial problems. Lexi deduces that this idea is not out of professional concern, but to get her out of Coop's life. She blames Megan's insecurity for the whole issue to which Coop tells her "Megan's not afraid. I am". As Coop walks away, Lexi looks stricken by the fact that Coop could fall in love with her again (of course she doesn't know that the possible 10 million dollar inheritance Coop is wrestling with is pretty damn beautiful itself).

Now we're pulling up to Wilshire Memorial with Taylor and Christine-Not. Taylor wants to go over whatever plan they're devising again, but Christine-Not assures her she's got this role down. Taylor drops her off and Christine-Not makes her way to Peter's office where she confides to Peter that as she was on her way home to New Mexico, the thought of going back to the empty little house and empty little life has thrown her into a depression. She tells him. "There's just this voice inside my head." You can almost SEE Peter thinking "Oh no, not another nutzo Kimberly!" She tells him that she often has thoughts of cashing it in for good. (Didn't anyone figure out she might be suicidal after she parked her car on the railroad tracks a few weeks ago?!). Peter admits her to the psycho ward for 24-hour observation and has the Nurse take her up to the ominous "5th Floor, D-Wing". He tells her to forget about Kyle and accept the help.

Billy answers the phone for the 3rd time that evening to silence. He looks really annoyed and orders Sam not to answer it should it ring again as he takes the laundry out. It's kind of hard to buy the tough-guy routine when he's got a basket under his arm. Sam immediately picks up the phone and dials seven numbers faster than Clinton drops his pants. Jeff answers and admits he's been the phantom caller. He tells her that they're making love was not a dream and means a lot to him, she tells him it was a mistake, apologizes, and hangs up.

The next thing we know, we're at Michael's Drive-Thru Medical Clinic in the 'Hood, and Spider comes staggering through the door begging for help. Michael helps him to the table and sees that he's been shot. He tells Spider he needs to get him to a hospital but Spider says there's no time and gives Michael a key to a bus locker downtown. Sirens are everywhere and four cops plus a guy who looks like an insurance salesman come busting in. Michael informs them that Spider's dead, there's nothing that can be done, and that he didn't say anything, or give him anything that might resemble a key that might fit into a lock that might be on a locker that might be downtown that might have some loot hidden in it. (Not really, but he was pretty conspicuous).

Now we're in a conference room at the Amanda Woodward Agency where she is informing the team that Jeff the Slugger has performed a disappearing act and their client is in a panic. Billy offers his insight that these overpaid sports heroes are a bunch of flakes and whatever happened to playing for the love of the game, the team, the fans (the advertising exec.'s?!). Amanda says "Thank you, Jerry McGuire", calls a cease-fire on the whole campaign, and dismisses everyone but Sam. Behind closed doors, Amanda asks Sam if Jeff is in love with her or something. Sam tries to convince Amanda that her personal relationship with Jeff has nothing to do with his missing in action status. Amanda says that's too bad, because it means millions to the Agency to get him to Spring Training, and a "Big Fat Bonus" to whoever makes it possible. Sam looks shocked and says "You're suggesting that I do something?!" to which Amanda replies, "Demanding it. Starting now if you don't mind." Now there's that Amanda we know and love!

Michael is walking through the bus station and finds the locker for which Spider's key was destined. He opens it up and retrieves the leather duffel bag. It's amazing that a hundred undercover cops don't pounce on him and drag him away, but he walks unnoticed into the john. He locks himself into a stall and sits down on the throne without even looking down first! You'd think that being a doctor, he'd know a little more about public restrooms and hygiene. That in mind, he opens the bag, happily discovers piles of dirty money which he then procedes to wipe all over his face. Then we see him arriving at Jennifer's apartment and walking right past her and her new haircut (pausing for a quick "nice do" comment) to a closet and assuring himself aloud that she'll do him a favor. He tells her as he stuffs the bag into an upper shelf of the closet that she needs to keep it for him, indefinitely if need be, and NO PEEKING! She CAN'T look inside. (Yeah, THAT will happen at Melrose Place, it's such a community of honesty and integrity.) Although she doesn't like the sound of the whole thing, he reminds her that she's his sister and recites the Mancini Mantra "Tight as Ticks, Tough as Nails". What the Hell does THAT mean?! Under duress, Jennifer swears that she will not open the bag or tell a soul. Michael leaves and Jennifer immediately starts eyeing the closet.

Back at Kyle's office in the jazz club, Taylor is revealing Christine-Not's whereabouts to Kyle. She tells him that while she was "sort of" minding her own business, she was coming out of the little girl's room and overheard Peter on the phone talking to the hospital. Taylor continues on that Peter has Christine-Not on 'round the clock suicide watch and is keeping it a big secret, which makes sense because Peter just broke up with Lexi and must want the One And Only Amanda back! Peter is keeping Christine-Not in town to break up Kyle and Amanda! Kyle takes off and Taylor promises not to say a word to Amanda should she run into (or over) her. I still can't figure out why anyone even TALKS to Taylor anymore. After Kyle exits, Taylor squeals with delight at her devilish doings.

Kyle confronts Peter and asks him if he's nuts, locking Christine-Not up. Peter says "No, but she is!" Kyle questions Peter's motives and Peter is obviously fed up with all the plotting and suspicions. He assures Kyle that he put Christine-Not in the loony bin because she's wacko, not because he wants Amanda. He recommends that Kyle not visit Christine-Not, but instead marry Amanda as fast as he can. Kyle looks confused enough to shut up and leave.

At the club, Michael runs into Megan and they chat about her concerns regarding Coop and Lexi being so close. Michael attributes their whole connection to money and then offers a "hypothetical situation" about an honest guy without a cent to his name, having loads of money fall into his lap. (Since this hypothetical guy is 'honest' we can rule out Michael himself, right?!). Sadly, the hypothetical money is illegal and the guy doesn't know what to do. Megan sees through his almost seamless charade and tells him to take it to the police, he's going a little far with the gangster thing. Michael says that although he's Italian, he's not a gangster. Megan excuses herself at Coop's arrival.

Our next scene has Sam banging on Baseball-Jeff's door and upon it opening, she is chastising him and shaking her finger wildly in his face. Sam tells him that his childish behavior is causing him and the Agency millions of dollars to which Jeff says he doesn't care. He tries to shake some sense into Sam and tells her that his feeble mind can only think about one thing at a time, and right now it's her. Now they start shouting at each other as if they're married! Sam screams that he doesn't know her, he doesn't have a clue and he retorts "Well then TELL ME!" Sam throws a fast ball and tells him the whole thing was a fantasy she got wrapped up in, and she NEVER considered leaving her husband for him. Jeff swings and misses, saying there's no way she could have faked what they shared. (Obviously, Jeff doesn't know that much about women!). He tells Sam that she doesn't have to say she loves him, 'cause he already knows she does. However, he says he'll go to Florida if that's what she really wants, and she says yes, it is. Knowing he's struck out for real this time, Jeff informs Sam that she has broken his heart, and she steps off the mound victorious.

Billy is sitting in the pool alone when Jennifer walks up behind him in a bikini. She asks him where Sam is and he says he doesn't know, hardly ever does anymore, and should probably care a little more. He tells Jennifer he really doesn't feel anything, even though she's his wife, his love, the woman he just married. Jennifer tries to absolve him of all guilt saying "It's not you, you didn't do anything". Billy says that lately there's something wrong between he and Sam, they don't feel comfortable around each other. Jennifer sticks her neck out (instead of her boobs, for once) and tells him the only time she feels comfortable these days is around him. Billy looks like he's clenching his butt-cheeks, apologizes for the kiss, and for leading her on. He leaves her alone in the pool and goes home.

Amanda awakens to a candlelit breakfast which Kyle has prepared. Once again, he asks her to marry him - the next night! He has it all arranged. Amanda looks pleased but a bit suspicious, why the urgency now? Kyle insists he has nothing up his sleeve but just wants to marry her. She agrees and kisses him deeply. Kyle moans and we wonder if it's out of love and desire or because Amanda just got up and probably has leopard spotted morning breath.

Sam is laying with her hand over her head on Jennifer's Psychiatric Love Couch. She admits that she slept with Jeff Baylor, just like Jennifer said she should. Jennifer denies TELLING her to do anything. Sam tells her that she was very influenced by her "old car/new car" speech, so much that she almost wrecked the Jeffster during a test drive. Jennifer asks if she's thinking of trading in the B2-10 Billy, and Sam emphatically says negative, it was the dumbest thing she ever did. Jennifer asks how Jaguar-Jeff is dealing with it and Sam says hopefully, he's gone to Florida and she's going to devote her life to making Billy happy. She also assures Jennifer that she'll find someone, and thanks her for listening. She says she doesn't know what she would do without her, and kisses her on the head. (Does that mean she sleeps with the fishes, or is that a kiss on the mouth?)

Kyle walks through the doors to the kitchen of the restaurant and comes up behind Taylor. He grabs something out of the bowl she's working with (thanks for washing your hands, Kyle - cancel my order!) and asks her to watch the joint for the weekend. Taylor wants to know what to tell Amanda when she asks why Taylor is in charge. Kyle makes the obviously HUGE mistake of telling her that Amanda will be with HIM, on a Honeymoon! A murderous glaze instantly coats Taylor's eyes. Lughead continues to tell her when and where he plans on marrying Amanda, spending the night, and Honeymooning! She suggests the Bermuda Triangle and inquires as to why he's rushing to the altar in the midst of all the problems. He asks for her stamp of approval of all things, and she says "Good Luck". He seems satisfied with her somewhat sincere blessing and leaves her bug-eyed and scheming.

Sam is posing in her underwear in front of a full-length mirror but quickly throws on a robe when Billy comes home and announces his arrival. He's looking for a surprise she's promised him and admits to having some drinks before he came home (Aaron Spelling has him assure us he took a cab and his car is still at the bar). Billy tells Sam he heard that Baseball-Boy endured a severe injury the first day back to Spring Training. Seems he blew out his knee and is out for the season and possibly forever. Billy seems a little pickled, and a little tickled talking about the incident. Obviously the Agency has dropped Jeff and the whole campaign is over. Sam is looking saddened and concerned while Billy is looking for his surprise under her robe. She deflects his pass and states the obvious, "You're drunk!" He says, "So what?!" Sam says she doesn't want to be around him and heads down the hall. Billy smiles to himself, "Long live Jeff Baylor" and takes a swig of whatever is in his hand.

Christine-Not is awakened in her bed at the romper room by a hand clamping over her mouth. What's the deal with the Security in this place? Of all areas of the Hospital, it seems Taylor is able to meander into the psycho-ward at will. Maybe she has a lifetime membership. Christine-Not relaxes when she realizes it's Taylor and Taylor informs her of the impending nuptials and that this is their last chance to stop them. Taylor instructs Christine-Not to write a mushy love letter to Kyle. Christine-Not tells her it's a dumb idea, since Kyle knows where she is and won't even visit. Taylor threatens to break her face if she doesn't cooperate and starts dictating: "Dear Kyle, when we made love the other night, you awakened feelings in me." Christine-Not still looks perplexed and tells Taylor that none of that happened, so what would this letter mean to Kyle? Taylor clues her in that the letter is for Amanda to read, not Kyle. Amanda will read it and call off the wedding. Christine-Not begrudgingly writes the letter.

Bright and early, Taylor delivers the letter to Amanda's door. She tells her that it came to the restaurant. Amanda tells her she just missed Kyle to which Taylor informs her that the letter is from Christine. She reminds Amanda that she herself once intercepted a letter from Christine and it was the best thing that she ever did. Amanda tells Taylor that she and Kyle don't operate on that level and Taylor tries to convince her that she ought to reconsider. After all, they are to be married that evening and there shouldn't be any secrets out there. Taylor leaves the choice to Amanda and is about to leave but stops to inform her that the seal on the envelope is not very tight. Amanda decides that since Kyle and she are so close, she's sure he wouldn't mind if she read the letter first and opens it on up. She reads a line or two and then looks as if someone's just pissed on her $600 shoes. Taylor offers a sincere "Good luck with whatever" and leaves.

At the beach house, Megan has Michael's stash in her possession and asks him "What did you do, rob a bank?!" Michael being the genius he is, deduces that Jennifer spilled the beans and tries to explain how he obtained the money. When she hears that the money originated from a criminal who is now dead, she heads for the door and says she's calling the cops. Michael insists that if she does that, they'll "send it off to that place where they burn criminal's loot". This guy should have been a rocket scientist. He earnestly tries to convince Megan that he's going to use this money for good, for his practice, to help people (himself included). Megan agrees they should put the money to a good cause, but not what he originally planned.

Now Amanda is storming through the hospital toward the psycho-ward. She barges into Christine-Not's room with Peter in tow. (sidenote: Has anyone ever stopped to think about this guy's name? He's a Doctor, right? Peter Burns? Say it a few times slowly.) Amanda accuses Christine-Not of sending the letter for her eyes, not Kyle's, and that this is her pathetic way of trying to stop their wedding AGAIN. Christine-Not pleads ignorance, saying she didn't know about the wedding. Amanda tells Christine-Not that she KNOWS she didn't sleep with Kyle, and she wouldn't even ask him if he did. They're going ahead with their wedding, and to Hell with her and her "suicide crap". Then she almost CHALLENGES her, saying "I don't think you have the guts to kill yourself." Christine-Not tearfully confesses that she's in love with Kyle. Amanda tells her that as far as Kyle's concerned, she's dead and if she shows up in their lives again, Amanda will make it so! Christine-Not cries, and a disturbed Peter who has just witnessed a death threat, holds her.

Billy's coming home again, and the apartment is empty. He calls out for Sam and waits about two milliseconds before heading upstairs to Jennifer's place which is spewing bad jazz music. Through the blinds, she can be seen dancing with a broom (no one but Michael has said a word about her chopping her hair off, by the way). Billy watches for a moment and when she realizes she's been caught, she giggles like a cheerleader and opens the door to reveal the BLAZING headlights under her tight dress. They dance together for a second and Billy tells her to "feel the music" but she's busy feeling the back of his head. About two seconds later they start smooching with the blinds wide open. Don't they know that every resident of Melrose Place does a window check once an hour? They're almost prone and getting pretty heavy when Billy sits up and Jennifer says, "Dammit, Billy." He says he can't do this to Sam. She could have been with Jeff Baseball over and over and she didn't, and he can't do it to her. Jennifer almost blows the whistle on Sam but stops herself, and agrees with Billy. Sam is her friend. She kisses him on the cheek and excuses him.

Jeff is soaking in a hot tub with crutches leaning nearby when Sam comes walking up with a huge basket of booze from the Agency. He tells her that he's been dropped by the Sporting Goods line and that he's been pretty cool, not calling her all day. Sam has obviously done an emotional 180 since telling Jennifer she's going to "devote her life to making Billy happy". She says she went back and gave it "the old college try" with Billy but she realized the only person she wasn't being fair to was him, Jeff, whom she can't get out of her thoughts, whom she needs, badly, right now. She kisses him deeply and he pulls her (suede suit and all) into the hot tub.

Megan and Michael walk into a church in the middle of the night. Megan hands the duffel bag over to the Priest and says they want to make a donation to the war on drugs and crime in the neighborhood. They ask the Priest not to question the origin of the money and that they know he'll do the right thing. The Priest assures them that every donation that comes through their door is used for God's work. Michael suggests an interest-bearing checking account. They start to leave but Megan notices an abnormally large bulge in Michael's pants and makes him turn over the last bundle of cash.

Taylor and Nick are cracking the whip on Christine-Not to get them all to the Church on time. Christine-Not thinks there is nothing more they can do. Taylor wants her to jump up during the ceremony and object and/or throw herself down the aisle professing her undying love for Kyle. Christine-Not is concerned that Amanda will go insane and try to kill her which excites Taylor and Nick, after all, that's what she promised! Christine-Not will have a big hairy nervous breakdown, Kyle will get concerned, and Amanda will give up. Christine-Not and Taylor head off in one car, and Nick in another. Suddenly, it looks as though this scheming and plotting has finally gone too far for Christine-Not. Instead of getting into the car, she elbows Taylor in the gut (a cheer is heard 'round the world!) slams her head into the car a few times, and locks herself in the car. She tells Taylor she's going to the Chapel and telling Kyle and Amanda the truth! That this was all Taylor and Nick's crazy plan and she was used. Christine-Not speeds off.

Kyle says "I do" and Amanda quickly follows. They are pronounced Husband and Wife and kiss passionately as Christine-Not screeches into the driveway of the Chapel with Taylor and Nick close behind. Christine-Not is bolting for the Chapel and Nick dives at her feet. She goes flying into Kyle's car and smacks her face on the "Just Married" sign, falling to the ground lifeless. Taylor catches up and looks down at her bewildered. They check her pulse and realize she's dead. Kyle and Amanda emerge from the Chapel as Taylor and Nick are carrying Christine-Not behind a car. Kyle and Amanda laugh, kiss, and drive away. Nick looks up at Taylor with the body between them and says "Okay Bright Eyes, what do we do now?"..

--written by 'Chelle

Nick lays Christine-Not's body on the railroad track as a train quickly approaches; Peter tells Kyle on the phone that Christine-Not escaped from the hospital; Kyle is seen approaching the oncoming train and calling out Christine's name; Amanda tells Kyle that Christine is a bigger problem to them dead than alive and she doesn't think they'll get through it; Billy barges into Jennifer's place and says they need to talk, unaware that Sam is there; as Nick steals money from the cash register at the restaurant in order to make Christine's death look like a robbery, Taylor grabs a knife and a fight ensues.