Meanwhile, elsewhere in LA, Kyle and Amanda arrive at their hotel to discover their honeymoon suite isn't ready for them despite the fact that most hotel checkout times are between 11am and 12 noon and here it is nighttime and the room isn't cleaned yet. The clerk suggests they go to the hotel restaurant and get a bite to eat while they wait. Once there, Amanda is delighted to see the restaurant closed except for one table where candles are lit and a jazz quartet is standing nearby playing just for them. No doubt she's relieved that it didn't actually take the hotel 8 hours to clean their room - no telling what might have taken place in a room requiring that much housekeeping.

Taylor and Nick pull up to Christine's rental car while they "get their story straight" for the final time. Taylor is to drive her own car, complete with the standard "Dead Woman In Back" feature, to the train tracks where Christine-Not threatened to commit suicide weeks earlier. Nick, meanwhile, will follow in Christine-Not's car. Taylor is still a nervous wreck and insists she can't drive a dead woman around so Nick tells Taylor to get out and follow him in Christine-Not's car while he continues driving Taylor's car-truck thing. They each pull out and head for the tracks when Taylor's cellular phone rings. Answering it, she discovers it's Peter who asks if she knows where Kyle is. Excuse me? Why the hell would he call Taylor looking for Kyle? Isn't this the same man who, just last week, ordered Kyle to "go marry Amanda tonight"?! Looks like the good doctor has a serious case of blondeness. Taylor hastily tells him Kyle and Amanda are on their honeymoon and, therefore, are probably "quite busy". She then lies that there's too much noise on the line and abruptly hangs up.

Back to the hotel - get the feeling you're watching a tennis match yet? Kyle carries a tipsy Amanda over the threshold of their honeymoon suite and not 2 seconds later does the bellhop show up with their bags and a message for Mrs. McBride. I guess they couldn't be bothered to have all this done an hour ago when they arrived. Amanda opens the letter which reads: "Amanda - I do have the guts. Catching that train tonight. Thanks for the shove. Christine" Stuffing the letter back in the envelope, she tells Kyle it's just a note from the office wishing them well because, after all, she doesn't pay her staff enough for them to buy her a decent wedding gift. Even though Kyle is anxious to get on with the honeymoon, Amanda insists he take a shower first while she puts on some lingerie she bought especially for this occasion. I bet she's suddenly forgotten how to have sex since she doesn't have the added luxury of her leopard-print sheets. Kyle obliges her and Amanda sneaks down to the lobby telephone where she calls 911 and tells them about Christine's suicide plan. Upstairs, Kyle hears the phone ringing and, when his calls to Amanda go unanswered, answers the phone himself. It's Peter who informs him that Christine escaped from the hospital and could be headed over to the hotel. Kyle hangs up and runs out the door.

Now it's back to the train tracks where Taylor parks Christine's car and hops into her car still being driven by Nick. When she asks what happens next, he replies, "We wait 25 minutes for the next train."

Kyle gets off the hotel elevator and sees Amanda on the lobby phone. As he approaches her, he hears her begging the police to please go to the train tracks and immediately asks her what's going on. She hangs up the phone and explains she lied about the note because she didn't want Christine ruining their honeymoon. Kyle grabs her hand and they head out to find her.

Back at the train tracks - oh, God, please stop this insanity! The rapid camera shots are giving me a headache! - Nick flops Christine-Not's body on the tracks and carefully positions her head and arms as one would if they were in a coffin. Taylor, who suddenly is in posession of one thing she's been missing all season (no, not a hairbrush), gets a conscience and starts rambling about how she "never meant for any of this to happen." Nick tells her to get in the truck and they drive off about 2 feet away into the bushes where I'm sure a huge, oversized, bright red moonwagon like Taylor's will easily be concealed under the bright glare of a train headlight. Getting out of the truck, they watch as Kyle and Amanda pull up and rush over to the tracks where Christine-Not has already been converted into Christine-Pancake. Kyle looks mortified as Amanda repeats, "Oh my God, she did it."

OK, on with the rest of the show. The following morning Kyle and Amanda are still at the tracks with a dozen cop cars but Taylor and Nick are nowhere to be found so I guess the newlyweds were in too much of a daze to notice them driving off. A cop tells Kyle that Christine's death is being ruled a suicide and orders Kyle to "be available for questioning." Kyle returns to his car where Amanda is waiting and he immediately asks her why she lied to him about the letter. She confesses that this was the second letter Christine sent and tells Kyle not only about the letter last week, but also about how she threatened to kill Christine. Guilt-ridden, Amanda blames herself for Christine's death but Kyle insists it's not her fault and they drive home. I wonder if they get charged for using their honeymoon suite for all of the 2 minutes they were in it.

Sam barges into Jennifer's apartment to announce loudly that she's a "full blown adultress" and procedes to tell Jennifer how she took the "Get Well" basket to Baseball Brat the previous evening and ended up doing some sexual healing in the hot tub. Jennifer suggests that this means Sam and Billy are over but Sam insists she loves Billy but just has trouble with her "carnal urges" for Jeff. Billy knocks and bursts into the apartment so now I guess Jennifer's living room doubles as a waiting room for all her love advice clients since no one ever waits for her to open the door anymore. Billy excitedly tells Jen, "We have to talk," completely unaware that his wife is in the kitchen. When Sam walks out, she asks what he has to talk to Jennifer about so he lies that he's looking for Sam because he thought maybe she'd like to "carpool" to work with him. It's not even 9am and these people are making driving arrangements at a neighbor's apartment - they do still live together, right? Sam reminds him she's going to the mall after work and turns down his offer so Billy quickly exits with Sam right behind him.

At the Harvest Motel, Nick is rifling through all Christine's belongings trying to find - and destroy - any evidence that could link her to Nick and/or Taylor. Saint Taylor, meanwhile, just sits on the bed talking about how she can't continue on like this. She explains that, even though she's done a LOT of bad things and gotten away with them, she's never actually killed anyone before and is suddenly feeling very queasy and uncomfortable. Nick, hardass Marine Man that he thinks he is, orders her to get hold of herself and even threatens to "keep her quiet" if she can't do it herself. Suddenly agreeable and cheerful, Taylor happily agrees.

Jeff and Sam are in bed when Sam realizes it's 9pm and, therefore, she has to go. Jeff whines, "but we didn't even talk" which seems to surprise her as much as it does me because, after all, talking doesn't seem to be a priority for either one of them. It also doesn't say much for Sam's sexual skills if Baseball Boy is more interested in hearing her speak than moan. Sam, apparently regretful, tells him, "It is what it is" and heads for the shower because everyone knows the trendiest malls in LA have showers - you know, for those "power shoppers".

Amanda and Kyle are back at home having a champagne toast when there's a knock at the door. Kyle answers it and discovers it's Taylor who has "just heard about Christine" and is there to offer her condolences. Amanda gets miffed and walks back to the bathroom while Kyle shuts the door in Taylor's face and follows Amanda. He explains, "That was just Taylor being Taylor" but Amanda is upset and heads for bed. Lots of baseball being played here - second night of the marriage and still no homerun for Mr. McBride.

The following morning finds Kyle at Peter's condo having a cup of coffee and asking him to please talk to Amanda about her guilt over Christine's death. Peter is reluctant, namely because he feels Christine was making progress prior to Amanda's visit. "She had plans," Peter explains - yeah, plans to DIE. Desperate, Kyle asks Peter to lie to Amanda if need be and cites how their quick wedding was, after all, "Peter's idea". Wow - what a romantic. Peter finally agrees to call her and see what he can do.

Billy rushes into Sam to get her for a staff meeting but she's running late because - get this - she's finishing up some sketches for "Dippy Dog Food". No, really. Billy impatiently reminds her how she used to love staff meetings prior to meeting Jeff when the devil himself calls her. He tells her how he "can't be the other man" in her life and "wants to take her on a romantic vacation". Lying to Billy to cover her ass, she puts Baseball Boy Toy on hold and promises Billy she'll be at the meeting in a minute. Once her husband is gone, Sam admits she'd love to take a trip with Jeff but doesn't have any idea how she'd be able to pull it off. Remembering that she "met Billy first", she quickly gets off the phone, leaving Jeff to wonder if he's destined for the "Former Guest Stars of Aaron Spelling Shows" version of "Hollywood Squares".

Amanda is wandering the halls of the hospital when Peter catches up with her. He mentions his unreturned phone calls to her but Amanda isn't there for him - she's there to see Christine. "She got hit by a freight train, there's nothing to see," Peter quips as he escorts her into the doctors' lounge. He tells her about Kyle's visit that morning and then urges her to "stop beating up on herself" because she's not responsible for Christine's death. Both angry and annoyed, Amanda thanks Peter for the "pep talk" and walks out.

Nick has turned his seedy motel room into a makeshift gym with various pieces of furniture turned in strange positions and is in the middle of a workout (I know - the image of a sweaty Nick is almost too much to handle) when there's a knock on the door. Is it the Domino's guy? No, it's Taylor who is once again there to ramble incoherently about Christine's death. She informs him that the cops were at the restaurant today asking a bunch of questions and insists, "They know." What is this, "The X Files"? She must be somewhat convincing because next thing you know Nick is packing his bags. Taylor insists he can't leave because "they're in this together" and then realizes she doesn't even know Christine's real name. The oh-so-touching "I Was Never Breastfed Enough As A Child" music starts playing as Nick drops his duffle bag and answers, "Tiffany Hart." He explains that she was a chorus girl working in Las Vegas when he met her and she wrecked her face in a car accident in which he was the drunk driver responsible. Hearing all this, Taylor insists they must go to the cops and confess because they "owe" it to Tiffany. Nick, however, has no plans on being Bubba's new girlfriend and, grabbing Taylor, growls, "You keep your trap shut!" He again threatens her if she doesn't follow orders and again she agrees.

Amanda and Kyle are at her apartment having dinner when Kyle asks her, "Why do you think our marriage is cursed?" Well, for starters, you haven't consumated it yet. Amanda is still racking up Frequent Flyer Miles on her guilt trip and finally gets Kyle to concede that, yes, he feels Amanda's visit to Christine is partially responsible for her ultimate suicide. However, he continues that Christine is dead and they're married and it's time to go on but Amanda doesn't agree. "Christine is a bigger problem dead than alive," she tells him and when he goes to hug her she shrugs him off, tells him not to touch her and requests that he go sleep in his own apartment. Kyle stalks out and it's Strike Three for the visiting team!

So now we're halfway through the show and, even though we have yet to hear from Michael, Megan, Coop or Lexi, there's good ol' Pool Boy back at work skimming nothing out of the crystal clear pool. Meanwhile, inside Jennifer's apartment, Sam is once again pouring out her heart about her relationship problems with Jeff and Billy. She tells Jen how Jeff wants to go away for a night and that it is, after all, "just an affair" which seems to make it OK in her pea-sized brain. Dr. Love asks if Sam is sure this is what she wants and when she answers, "Yes" Jen agrees to cover for her.

Kyle is sitting at the jazz club bar drowning his sorrows when Taylor approaches him and attempts to cheer him up. She tells him he shouldn't blame himself for Christine's death to which Kyle informs her, "I don't blame myself, I blame Amanda." Taylor tells Kyle he "didn't really know Christine" which, naturally, confuses Lughead so he asks for clarification - maybe Taylor can break it down into syllables or draw pictures for him. She explains her comment by comparing Kyle's relationship with Christine to his relationship with Nick who "turned out to be a rat". Now that she's thoroughly confused Kyle and dug her hole even deeper, Taylor realizes her error and excuses herself by saying she needs to go back downstairs to the restaurant.

Sam goes into Billy's office where he surprises her with a present. It's a black evening dress and he wants her to wear it to the "Family Values" awards dinner the following evening. Sam tells him she can't because she has to go meet with a client of Coop's and Jennifer's in San Diego but suggests Billy invite Jennifer. Billy is annoyed but agrees so Sam leaves and goes back to her desk which is now in a cubicle whereas it was in an office just 15 minutes earlier. Doing her best Angela Landsbury impersonation, Sam picks up the phone, calls Jennifer and explains the situation to her. Jennifer tells her she'll accept Billy's invitation should he ask.

Taylor returns home and is startled to find Nick sitting there in much the same way she was sitting when he came home to his own apartment a few weeks earlier. She asks why he's there so he explains he's "just checking" on her to make sure she's holding herself together and there are "no loose ends". Taylor cheerfully replies that she's fine and he can go now but Nick has other things on his mind. Luckily, before we are subjected to the torture of having to watch these 2 in bed again, Kyle knocks on the door so Nick escapes out the bathroom window. Taylor lets Kyle in and he immediately asks her what she meant about her Christine and Nick comments earlier at the bar. She tells him about water and bridges and somehow I don't think Kyle came there to discuss construction. Sure enough, Kyle isn't buying it so Taylor tells him she was just trying to "make him feel better". Kyle has better things to do than watch her lick her lips and flip her hair so he leaves but not before warning her, "If you're lying, I'll find out." Taylor closes the door behind him and runs back to the bathroom where, as promised, Nick has disappeared like Peter Pan through the open bathroom window.

Over at Kyle's restaurant, Michael and Megan - remember them? - are having dinner. Michael thanks Megan for convincing Peter to give him an ER interview, especially now that his clinic is "in the toilet". I guess now that his main security homey, Spider, is dead and Michael donated all his money to a church, Michael can no longer stay in business. Hmmm... must be in the fine print of the business license somewhere. Coop enters the restaurant and, seeing Megan and Michael together at a table, gets noticeably annoyed. Taylor approaches him and says, "You're not going to go causing any trouble or anything now are you?" Coop, using his best Coop sneer and his best Coop sarcasm, replies, "You know, you really are an annoying person, Taylor" and heads over to Michael and Megan's table. Once there, he immediately questions why his girlfriend is having dinner with her ex-husband so she explains that they finished working on Michael's resume and decided to have some dinner. She invites Coop to join them so Michael chimes in that they can "share their feelings... and some dessert". Wow! A makeshift AA meeting! Only this one is for Messed Up Relationships Anonymous. Coop opts to head upstairs and have a few "stiff drinks" instead.

Magically, several hours have passed because now the jazz club is empty except for Jennifer, who is cleaning up, and a couple of customers. Billy enters and asks Jen to accompany him the following evening to the awards dinner. She immediately accepts and tells him, "It's a date" but he's quick to reply, "no, it isn't." He informs her it's black tie so she flatly tells him she has no problem with that and will "dig up something to wear" - yeah, probably out of her "Melrose Funeral" wardrobe. Over at the bar, the remaining customers turn out to be none other than Coop and Peter who are both pretty trashed. Coop slurs, "Everytime I run into you in a bar I end up drinking too much. Why is that?" Peter, who obviously hasn't worked on his drunk persona much, replies calmly, "Because when the booze peels away the utter contempt we have for one another, we're basically bookends." He goes on to explain how they each prefer the "high life" but Coop objects and tells Peter he loves Megan more than the ten million dollar inheritance he'd get from Daddy Sterling if he marries Lexi in the next year. Naturally, Coop has considered it which distresses Peter so Coop offers a solution. "If you and Lexi get back together," he tells Peter, "it will K.O. the temptation."

Taylor is downstairs closing up shop when she emerges from the kitchen into the restaurant to find Nick standing there with 2 shot glasses and a bottle of pretend Melrose Place liquor. Doesn't anyone in this town ever lock their doors? I know of restaurants here in Atlanta that lock their doors half an hour before they close, but I digress. Handing a filled shot glass to Taylor, Nick proposes a toast to "the best partner in crime he's ever had". They each down their drink and Nick procedes to wipe his fingerprints off the shotglasses as well as the bottle before putting on a pair of gloves. Nick opens the cash register (obviously Taylor forgot to do the nightly deposit as well) and starts putting money into a bag as he tells Taylor he's going to "make this look like a robbery". Knowing Nick intends to "tie up this loose end", Taylor runs into the kitchen and grabs a knife. Nick chases after her, grabs her and throws her against the wall where she immediately goes unconscious and slithers to the floor. Nick walks over to her but before he can finish her off, Michael walks in through the front door of the restaurant calling out Taylor's name. In his best Boy Scout voice, Michael keeps saying things like, "The front door was open" and "I think I left my resume here". Hearing Michael, Nick runs out the back of the restaurant but bumps into something on the way because suddenly Michael realizes that the open cash register and over-turned table are not part of the new decor at Kyle's. He runs into the back, finds Taylor on the floor and starts to call 911 until Taylor comes to and begs him not to. "Kyle can't find out," she whispers so Michael promises to help and carries her out.

The following day finds Taylor with her head bandaged deliriously asking Michael where she is. He informs her she's at his clinic and, therefore, safe despite the fact it's right in the middle of a warzone with no Spider there to protect them. Michael tells her she has a concussion and should rest but that she should be fine. Taylor, however, is anxious to get out of town and babbles incoherently how Nick will kill her because she's a "loose end that Nick wants to tie up". Michael understands nothing that Taylor is saying so she explains the entire story to him and, as she does, I can't help but think what a potentially great comedy duo these two are. It's a pity she's leaving. Taylor begs Michael to help her and, for whatever reason, Michael agrees. He takes a moment to think about what would have happened if he hadn't been the one to find her and realizes Nick is probably at the ER looking for her now. Since he's suddenly got some kind of secret powers in the Emergency Room, (remember, he only got his resume typed just last night, and it's still at the restaurant), he tells Taylor he'll take care of Nick. Slurring and possibly even drooling, Taylor paws at Michael and thanks him repeatedly. Michael is quick to remind her, "this is not a freebie. You owe me - BIG TIME."

Peter enters Coop's office to give Lexi a cup of coffee and explain that Coop had to take a call. Lexi is sporting her new Taylor-like "I Don't Need A Hairbrush Or Shampoo For That Matter" hairstyle along with some oh-so-trendy blue frost eyeshadow, but Peter doesn't seem to care. He tells her softly, "I miss you" and she replies that she misses him too and they kiss and that's the extent of this scene.

In San Diego, Sam is taking a shower in her hotel room when Baseball Boy Toy pulls back the shower curtain to join her. Standing behind her he kisses her neck and coos, "I love you, Sam" which hits a nerve with Sam as she turns to him and quickly says, "Don't." Jeff sees home plate and isn't stopping. "Move in with me," he tells her. "Leave Billy." Before she can respond he's sucking her will to live straight out of her mouth.

Michael is paged to the ER where a nurse tells him there's a man asking about Taylor McBride. This nurse, who isn't the usual Mary Poppins nurse, tells Dr. Mancini how she followed his explicit directions and didn't tell this man - Nick - anything about Taylor. Good Nursie - here's your cookie. Michael approaches Nick and tells him very matter-of-factly, "I have some bad news. Mrs. McBride didn't make it." He continues his story about how she had a "cerrebral hemmorage" and there was an apparent robbery but she fought back and even goes so far as to say there were no fingerprints so "they'll never catch the guy". Wow, you got all that information out of a supposed dead woman? Even Matlock was never this good! Nick thanks Michael for "cushioning the blow" and leaves and if that was a cushion I'd hate to see the blow.

Speaking of tactlessness, the manager of the Harvest Moon hotel where Christine/Tiffany was staying is leading Kyle to her room while he tells him she was too young to "kick the bucket". Kyle enters the room and just stands there so the manager asks what he's looking for. Bugs? Room Service? A remote control that isn't screwed down? Kyle replies quietly, "An answer."

Meanwhile, back at the train tracks (one outside location has never gotten this much exposure before) Amanda pulls up in her little sporty Tic-Tac car while she remembers her last conversation with Christine-Not as well as discovering her Christine-Pancake body. I suppose we're supposed to see the guilt all over her face but all I could notice was how slim Heather Locklear is despite the fact she just had a baby not long before this scene was shot.

Billy and Jennifer emerge from the hotel where the awards dinner was held and, as they wait for their car, they thank each other for a wonderful evening. Billy laments how he's disappointed that Sam wasn't there for him, especially since the agency won 3 awards. Woohoo! As the valet pulls up in their car, Billy turns to Jennifer and tells her, "I don't want this evening to end." Jen smiles and says, "It doesn't have to." She reminds him this is a hotel and suggests they might have a room and the next thing you know they're upstairs rolling around naked on the bed.

--written by Stacie

Megan urges Jennifer to end her affair with Billy; Sam is torn between Billy and Jeff so Jennifer suggests she leave Billy; Kyle tells Amanda they're "married forever" but Amanda disagrees and goes to Peter for help; Kyle confronts Taylor about Nick being in town.