We begin our exciting show right where we left off last week with Michael coming out of the closet!! I always KNEW he and Matt had something going on. No, actually, he's just coming out of Megan's closet which has nothing to do with sexuality and everything to do with getting your face smashed in by a Raging Lip Boy. Ryan, having just found him, wonders aloud if Michael had initiated foreplay on the roof this time. He scolds Megan and Michael for their sexual closet antics, and there's the pot calling the kettle horny. As the naked Michael scrambles for something to put on, Megan reminds Ryan that she's not obligated to him anymore. Lexi feigns indignation, not at the sex, but more at her choice of rebound material - Michael, who is now sporting an oh-so-not-attractive gold lame bathrobe of Megan's that looks like it once looked like Elvis' gold lame suit but now more closely resembles an oil slick. The three give a simultaneous "shut up" to the Red One. Good! Michael reminds Lexi of her own foibles in the restroom at his and Jane's wedding. This, in turn, reminds Lexi of the obvious - its failure after 10 minutes. The taunts turn to a babyish slapfight as Megan attempts to expel all but Michael from her apartment. Ryan makes a snide comment about "coitus interruptus" prompting a slightly more real fight between "da boys" as Michael gallantly defends Megan's honor by telling Ryan that's no way to talk to "a lady". I wasn't aware there was one in this scene. Megan, in a staged move phonier than pro wrestling, picks up an obvious breakaway lamp and smashes it over Ryan's head. Melro-Mania IV! Upon seeing that her actions have drawn blood, Megan apologizes - not for hurting him but for using such a "big lamp". As Mood Hair rushes to Ryan's side, Megan asks if he'd like Michael to look at the gash on his head. After refusing medical treatment from Dr. Gold Lame Oil Slick, Ryan walks off, aided by Lexi.

We cut to Ryan's place, where the Luner-tic is trying to treat his head wound with a bottle of Stoli - that's vodka for those of you in Rio Linda. Ryan pushes her away. Bleeding to death is, after all, a more pleasant alternative than conversation with Lexi. As Ryan sits at the foot of the bed complaining about the evening's events, it's hard not to notice the fact that the gash on his forehead is HUGE yet it's not bleeding even though he obviously needs to get it stitched up. He's too busy being mad that his ex has resorted to the likes of Mancini. That's like losing a chick to Ernest Borgnine in his mind. Lexi comes up with a nice line - "Megan's like a basketball player - always on the rebound." She is obviously not speaking of the NJ Nets. Ryan caves somehow and lets the daughter and dead wife story out of the bag. After she responds as to why his daughter is not with him, he clams up. Redhead Madness makes the statement, "If she's anything like you, she must be sensitive and warm" when, in reality, she should have said, "she's probably a whiney, spoiled, glistening-lip wonder" which is actually not too far off the mark. No doubt the kid will indeed grow up like MacCauley Culkin. They conclude the conversation with some foreplay to sex.

After the commercials, we discover this episode was directed by Anson "Potsie" Williams as we're treated to some singer whining about "you don't know what it's like to be me" while the camera zooms in on Amanda who is waking up in bed - alone - at Jane's beach house. Boy, I gotta get used to this. She strays into the kitchen to see Jane tottering around in just a T-shirt and asks where Kyle is so apparently it is now Jane's turn to babysit G.I. Doh since Amanda is obviously too busy or just tired of the responsibility of such a task. Jane tells her they ate together, and he went off to work at the house site. Amanda remarks at how pregnant, er I mean cold, Jane must be in that T-shirt. Jane goes into a mild PMS launch over this, saying how it's her house and she'll dress like she wants, etc. Amanda caves for once, dropping the subject and apologizing. The deposed landlord laments at how much less of a person she is now that she no longer owns the complex because, after all, having the ability to evict people and raise their rent is the only way the Queen knows how to validate her existence. Perhaps she's looking for a little sympathy from Jane because, after all, that's whose job Amanda took when she bought the building oh so long ago. Amanda changes the subject by asking what Kyle's "mood" was like so Jane gleefully tells her how "excited about the future" he is which isn't really saying much when you consider Kyle is the kind of guy to get excited over finding a toy yo-yo in the cereal box. Amanda just looks worried.

And just because Amanda is no longer running the show at 4616 doesn't mean things have cooled down. In fact, the fun is just beginning! Clueless Lewis knocks on Ryan's door so, logically, Lexi answers. She tells the ex-hooker that Wet Lips is at the hospital being treated for that wound Megan gave him and adds how she hopes he hasn't suffered any "brain damage" and given the fact that Lip Boy felt the need to go home and have sex with the Empress for six hours before getting medical attention just reinforces that theory, not to mention virtually EVERYTHING RYAN HAS EVER DONE OR SAID SINCE JOINING THE SHOW. Megan echoes the "Brain Damage = Sex With Lexi" theory which prompts Mood Hair to inquire as to why she and Megan aren't friends anymore. The ex-hooker reiterates the "you slept with Ryan" explanation so the Empress launches into a self-aggrandizing speech about how that just proves Megan and Ryan weren't "meant for each other". Lexi urges her to "accept it and go on" which is precisely what Megan does - right on out of this scene.

Now at the site of Dream House II, construction workers are milling about as the Queen drives up in her Jag. Despite statements to the contrary, this does tick them off. It's an envy thing. To make matters worse, she's walking around the construction site BAREFOOT which in and of itself is not only ridiculously dangerous and stupid, but highly unbelievable when you consider it's the Queen doing it. I'd expect such behavior from someone like Megan who has about as much common sense as a gnat on a windshield, but not Amanda. Whatever. She walks to her hubby who is engrossed in goggle-clad work for some obscure union that I've yet to figure out. Amanda gets in her quick dig about breakfast with Jane, which Kyle shrugs off like a smart male. Amanda notes that she's apologized to Jane for using her as a "whipping post". The two proceed to tongue-lock to the further wrath of workers. So Kyle does the smart thing and takes her into the trailer, where no one will suspect a thing as he slams her body against the window blinds and proceeds to rip off all her clothes.

Over at Peter's Happenin' Hospital Eve tracks down her hubby just as he emerges from a meeting. She excitedly hands him a gift which he opens and I'm not exactly sure what the heinous thing is but it's large and made of a shiny fabric with a ghastly Hawaiian print. Eve mentions their plans for a "second honeymoon to Hawaii" so I'm assuming it's a Hawaiian print shirt that she expects him to wear in public when they get there. Peter tells her he thinks they can leave as planned but Michael changes all that as he runs over and interrupts their conversation. Quick Simpsons humor - Michael says "morning, Eve". Get it? Whatever. He informs Peter of an apparent "mutiny" that Irene Schulman is planning, as indicated by her meeting with all the department heads. Peter realizes he must stay and postpones heaven two more weeks.

In the meeting room, Dr. Puddles is throwing fits at the Ice Princess for trying to tell everyone how to do their jobs. Dr. Schulman declares that, although they are "financial equals" they are not "intellectual equals" so apparently everyone present coughed up the necessary cash-o-la required to become a "partner" in the hospital. At this very point, much like Lenny and Squiggy, Michael and Peter walk in. "Hello!!" Irene and Dr. Visconti quickly resume their arguing over some mental health program that the hospital cannot afford to offer to the public. The grade-school arguing culminates with Puddles calling Schulman the "High Priestess Of Neurology". Irene responds by storming out, shouting, "I'm taking my toys and going home and I'm never playing Barbies with you ever ever again!"

At the Something Bistro (the only other restaurant in the city besides Kyle's), a bandaged Ryan sits alongside Megan as they wait for Amanda and he looks like General Grant or something with that patch on his head. Lip Boy explains he had to get 5 stitches in his head which is still pretty unbelievable when you consider he waited 12 hours to seek medical attention but there I go again, using logic. Megan asks Ryan what he wanted to tell her last night, but he dispenses with it. Just then Amanda greets them with her guest, a Tony-Bennett-esque charmer named "Tony Marlin" and introduces Megan and Ryan as her "two top executives". Frightening. When Tony inquires if Ryan's injury is sports-related, Ryan replies he had a "run-in with is ex-fiance". Amanda hushes him and reminds them that they're there to schmooze their client, not talk about their personal lives. Tony comments on the excessive beauty of his two female guests and adds, "Don't tell my wife." This prompts SourPuss McBride to lament about his own relationship woes so Clueless Lewis quickly defends herself as they banter back and forth discussing their love-life in third person. When Megan gets to the part about Lexi and Ryan "doing it on Amanda's desk", the Queen goes through the roof, but quickly regains her composure and turns her attention again to Mr. Schmooze. Tony explains he'd rather "dish" than talk business and asks about "this Lexi". Ryan excuses himself and is soon followed by a weeping Megan. The Queen is left speechless, but Tony coos how he's glad they're "finally alone".

Michael enters Peter's office with the complaint that Irene is trying to keep the profit margin by nickel and diming all the doctors for things like coffee, parking, cleaning scrubs, maybe even using the ter-let. Poor baby - come to New York and try that for size. Peter reminds Mike that she is a financial partner. Michael feels she must be watched closely anyway. She is rather unstable after all. Michael wants his perks back, because "that's why he became a doctor." Damn the hippocratic oath! Peter reluctantly agress to "spying" until Michael suggests that Louis Visconti be the mole. Why Puddles? Because, as per Michael, the anger between he and Irene is not anger, but "lust". After cajoling, Peter agrees to Louis.

Kyle has made it past AWA security to Amanda's office, where he hugs his wife from behind. Yes, I said "hugs". She is visibly annoyed, since she's got work to do - important work - even though it's after 11pm. Refusing to pull herself away, the Queen reminds Doy Boy what he married and tersely tells him she likes the pressure and "that's who she is". Kyle storms out, saying he won't wait up for her.

Peter, nearly nude, gets ready to join Eve into the shower, when of course, Amanda pops out. Oh, if he were only still in love with her. Then it would be like karma. Eve rushes in and explains that she let Amanda stay there for a night because she was "too tired to drive to Malibu". Eve follows the Queen into the bedroom where Amanda gets dressed. Eve tells her to call Kyle but Amanda isn't interested and, instead, changes the topic to business. She asks Eve for a favor and tells her she'd like her to "pull out all the stops" for The Charmer when Amanda brings him to the Upstairs tonight. Eve agrees, and again tries to get Amanda to talk about Kyle. Amanda flippantly replies that there's no need for worry because Kyle is happy, adding, "What kind of trouble can he get into with a hammer and nails?" Just make sure he doesn't "close escrow" with anyone, right?

Megan, Lexi and Ryan meet simultaneously in the courtyard, like three nuts at a four-way stop sign. Who will talk first? The Empress leads off by stating how they should all "shake hands" and make nicey-nice. Personally, I think someone should have moved out by now. Megan calmly says she's accepted that Lexi and Lip Boy are "lovers" which Ryan quickly denies because, in his book, the definition of "lover" involves love which, thankfully, he has none of for Lexi. Megan must be satisfied because she's smiling which Lexi notes as soon as Ryan departs. She blames all of Ryan's behavior on the ex-hooker claiming he has "the weight of the world on his shoulders" and is "very sensitive". How Orwell-ish. Megan asks her to elaborate on the aforementioned "weight" but Lexi just snaps, "Get off his case - and get off mine!"

At the hospital, Peter and the Ice Princess are in the x-ray room when Dr. Visconti bursts in saying to Peter, "You wanted to see me?" Naturally, Irene is none too happy to see him. Peter springs it on them that he wants the two of them to be in charge of the committee to discuss the future of the trauma center. Better preserve it - it'll be needed after seven years of this show! Irene insists this is all a waste of time to the hospital, kind of like character development is to the writers. Squiggy - errr, I mean Michael - pops in with an enthusiastic "Hi!" and is promptly ignored. Peter informs Schulman and Visconti they can "get started" today at lunch. They reluctantly agree as Irene states they will be "going dutch" and then adds, "Don't expect me to change my mind." She leaves and Peter shoos Visconti out after her. Peter reiterates his doubts to Michael who reassures him that everything will work out. How can it not? After all, there are only five episodes left. As Michael begins to drone on about his newfound love life with Megan and his problems with Ryan, Peter sneaks out on him silently. Realizing he's alone, Michael quips aloud, "Men - they're just not good listeners."

Tal Bachman is performing at the Upstairs and, apparently, Kyle hasn't caved in to the "guys 25 and up" trend since a group of college kids seem to have gathered and enjoy harassing Kyle's new fine waitress. Kyle tells Eve to cut them off after the next round. He says "I'll be in our office" which prompts Eve to gleefully spew, "I've never had an office before - just a cell, ha ha!" No high school diploma, convicted felon, business owner. Eve is merely following the trend set by the mafia.

Megan stops by Kyle's office to ask if he's talked to Ryan lately and Kyle replies, "not since he got the letter from Sarah." Confused, Megan asks, "Sarah who?" thus forcing Kyle to reveal the existence of Ryan's daughter. "Since when?" she asks. Since he had sex with a chick, dear! "I think she's about 10 years old," Kyle replies. "Well if he has a daughter then he must have a wife, right?", she asks. Apparently the phenomenon of illegitimacy/welfare state has passed dear Megan by. Kyle tells her to get the details from Ryan and leaves the office, wishing her well with a kiss on the cheek.

Out in the club, the band has slowed and even though the song is a solo, acoustic guitar track with one voice, the rest of the band continues to play their instruments as if they're auditioning for the Partridge Family Reunion Tour. On the dance floor, the Charmer Tony asks Amanda to dance but Kyle puts a quick end to it as he cuts in. As he begins dancing with the Queen, they fight over why she never came home the night before and never called. The dance is over in 8.3 seconds as Kyle tells her to "ignore [him] at home" and storms out. Mr. Schmooze quickly returns to dance with Amanda and convinces her to go with him to a more "sophisticated" establishment. Tony asks if Eve can come out and play, too. At first the jailbird hesitates, citing her responsibility to close the club. However, when Amanda tells her to get some grunt to do it, Eve agrees and the three go bouncing out to Tony's limo as the rowdy college boys order another round.

Megan goes to Ryan's apartment to confront him about his daughter. When he asks if the Empress spilled the beans, she gets upset that he told Lexi and didn't tell her. Megan bombards him with a bunch of questions so Ryan flatly goes through the whole schpiel again - Sarah, 10, New York, mom dead. When she asks why he waited so long to say anything, he replies, "I never told anyone until last night." Megan states that she's "not just anyone" but Baby Lips tells her, "You are now." Ouch! He adds, "Sarah needs a mother she can respect" and, again echoing my thoughts, Megan sarcastically tells him what "perfect mother material" Lexi is. With that, she walks out.

Kyle returns to the beach house to find a teary-eyed Jane sitting with her divorce papers by the fireplace. She invites him to join her in finishing a bottle of wine which he declines but offers to keep her company. As Kyle looks for a space on the cluttered floor to sit, Jane cries, "I'm such a loser!" Save your breath, Jane - we already know. This touching conversation draws them closer as Kyle and Jane lean in toward each other, leading to their first... passionate... phone ring. Jane answers and it's the club calling for Kyle. He takes the phone and tells them "I'm on my way." Handing the phone back to Jane, he explains, "A bunch of college kids trashed the club" and heads out the door.

The following morning finds us back at the Upstairs where G.I. D'oh shakes hands with the insurance guy and turns to Peter. Peter immediately starts ragging on Doy to keep a leash on his wife, since she's beginning to corrupt his poor sweet jailbird wife. Kyle refuses to take responsibility for the Queen and hands Peter a broom. "I don't do brooms," Peter informs him. Handing Peter a large plastic bag, Kyle queries, "Do you do trash?" and we all know that the answer is yes, considering his bizarre Taylor/Beth fiasco. They walk outside just in time to see the Queen and the Jailbird exiting a long limo. After an initial confrontation, Peter and Eve leave, and Amanda and Kyle begin to snipe at each other. Showing no remorse, Amanda tells him that if it takes a lot of showing him a good time, she's willing to do it to land Tony Marlin's account. "You're gaining an account, but you're losing a husband," retorts Kyle, and let me just add here that this whole Amanda/Kyle/Jane thing SO smacks of the show ending and the writers needing an exciting new plotline, cuz I have watched many a soap in my time, but I find it utterly ridiculous and terribly implausible even for a soap to have two characters go through as much as Kyle and Amanda and then work hard to get things back together (and it was nice to see Kyle not drink tonight and follow the whole addiction plotline instead of the writers forgetting all about it ala Dylan McKay) and then just go on with their lives and not relish their togetherness just ONE DAMN IOTA before they go trolloping around town. But I digress to an angsty level I typically reserve for Anorexia McBeal.

Over at Wilshire Memorial, Peter and Michael are roaming the halls. Michael tells Peter that his plan has reached fruition. Peter opens Schulman's office door without knocking; the Ice Princess and Dr. Puddles are doing the horizontal bop on her desk. Schulman says something stupid like "Out with the old and in with the new" and starts slurping Visconti's face right in front of Peter and Michael, and I am thrilled to tears to see this scene end.

Jane arrives at the Upstairs and surveys the damage saying, "It's worse than I thought," which I'm sure is just the encouragement that Kyle was looking for. They talk about the almost-kiss they almost-shared last night while I almost-barf, and they both make excuses like "I was angry with Amanda," "I was a little drunk," "I have the IQ of a rabid sloth," and other assorted stupidity. Jane volunteers to help with the cleanup and gets rewarded for her effort by a big toothy grin from G.I. D'oh. She tells him that she's taking a long lunch. I'm sure the Queen will be thrilled to find out that her lowly employee is just randomly taking a long lunch to help Kyle when she just blew an enormous account last week. Yeah, she deserves the time off. All that rolling around on paintings is exhausting.

Just as my bile is settling nicely, Peter begins reprimanding Amanda at AWA for her behavior and for convincing Eve to do whatever Amanda likes. It turns into a ridiculous conversation in which the Queen confides in Peter that Kyle is changing and that he just wants to be out of the house and working on that damn construction site. Um, reality check, please? The house they are living in is Jane's, and the house he is building is their "dream house." Shouldn't her reaction be one of support and joy? I need to locate the logic chip in my brain pan and squelch it. This is becoming painful.

The Empress follows Wet Lips up the stairs to his apartment, suggesting they do dinner. Ryan seems much more interested in getting inside and listening to his answering machine. There are two whiny messages from Sarah; the first is a general "why don't you call me more often?" spew, and the second is a "I got elected VP of the student council" screech for attention. Baby Lips, obviously upset, begins to confide in Lexi. He tells her that Sarah needs a full-time mother and father. He postulates that he could get a job in New York, maybe at a small ad agency. He could start over with Sarah there. Okay, now let me just interject one more time here. 1) how the hell does Ryan know what Sarah wants considering that he only sees her occasionally and has been okay with this for ten years? 2) the idea of his moving to New York to be closer to her is so purely logical that you KNOW it's not going to happen and 3) if he WERE to move to New York, why would he look for an ad agency considering that he's been on Wall Street and in the financial world for his whole career except for the past few months? I swear, you move to Melrose and you drop all your career goals for an ad agency. Jane's no longer designing clothing, Lexi's no longer doing whatever it was that Lexi used to do, and Megan's no longer hooking. Interesting. So Lexi tries to convince Ryan to bring Sarah with him to L.A., since we all know it's a great idea to pull a child out of the school she's happily attended for four years and plant her in a town with people with the morals of bunnies in heat. She tells him that Amanda had a "no kid" policy, but that she doesn't. Then how did Matt's niece Chelsea live there? Is this a new rule? "Maybe you're right! I'll give it a try!" our liver-lipped hero spouts. The Empress sweetly suggests that he might like some privacy, kisses him, and leaves.

Then we see Michael cooking an extravagant meal for Megan, playing Sinatra and dancing around like a moron. Lexi shows up, causing Michael great distress. "Wrong girl!" he shouts. Forcing her way into his apartment in that aggressive manner we all love, she demands that Michael help her figure out a way to deal with the Sarah situation, which brings to mind the stupidity of her going to New York and pretending to be Megan in the first place. I mean, what was she thinking? I can't even fathom what her justification for that ridiculousity was. Michael tells her to give Sarah candy, toys, whatever, basically buy her affection. Lexi leaves just as Megan arrives, tossing Megan into a stellar mood. As she walks in the door, the ex-hooker sniffs Michael, comments that he's wearing "that special cologne" again, which obviously is a sign that he is looking for nookie. Excuse me, but by now we've all realized that if Michael has a pulse he's looking for nookie, so what is the big deal about the cologne? Anyway, she sees the candles ("I was conserving electricity!" he explains) and deduces that he isn't just looking for a friendly dinner. Handing Michael a bottle of wine, Hooker Girl turns on her heel and hightails it right on out of there.

Meanwhile, our Slobbery Mouthed Hero is on the phone with Terri. He whimpers that he's been on hold forever and he wants to talk to Sarah immediately. "It's too late," she tells him, "Sarah's asleep." Now any parent who really gave a crap would call at a reasonable hour and wouldn't demand that his child be awakened in the middle of the night, but this is Ryan we're talking about, so I guess it makes sense. Terri threatens him that if he makes any more late night phone calls or unannounced visits that he'll never see his daughter again. Of course, Sarah has come out into the hallway to eavesdrop, and silently bursts into tears at that last part. Oh, the trauma.

Then we see Ryan, obviously thinking clearly, racing across the courtyard to get to the airport for another of those unannounced visits. I mean, come on. He made the late night phone call; it's only fair to break the rules evenly. Lexi bumps into him and insists that she come with him because she can help "put those nuns at ease" and since when did Ryan tell her anything about nuns? It seems like a major foot-in-mouth to me but Ryan doesn't notice it so maybe it's just Ryan's and Megan's stupidity rubbing off on me. In typical wishy-washy Ryan fashion, he tells her to hurry or they'll miss their plane. Have you ever taken a flight with very little notice? Do you have any idea how expensive a last minute booking from L.A. to New York is? Then you obviously know more than these seasoned travelers. And can someone PLEASE tell me where Lexi is getting this money from after that whole thing with Coop blew up in her face?

So the Queen is in a conference room with Tony Marlin. She is showing him the mockups for the TV commercial they are suggesting for his account. When he doesn't gush with pleasure at the idea, she asks, "What more can I do to make you sign?" and I just have to say that she has dealt with this whole thing amazingly unprofessionally, and if I were in Tony's position, I'd just milk her for all she's worth and then walk. He gives her a look, and she tells him that she's married. Giving her the ol' slap in the face that she so richly deserves, he tells her that he's really hot for Alien Eve. Slipping into her role as Pimp Mamma, the Queen raises her eyebrow and tells him that Eve is also married, and her husband is very jealous. He seems unaffected by this information and not so subtly implies that he'd like to spend some time with her. Then he tells Amanda that she needs to shoot the entire commercial before he'll consider it, cuz he's "visual," and even though the mockups look "hip and sexy," he isn't sure he wants to buy in. Okay, now this guy is obviously having a great time playing with Amanda's agency, and you'd think that she would have enough pride and professional sense to tell him to take a proverbial hike. But when you think about it, there is always one HUGE client that will make or break this agency. Remember (and I hate to bring this up) Jeff Baylor? How about Alex Bastian? And now that I'm reminiscing, how about that damn Lindy Toys that Amanda freaked out about and collapsed and cried in front of? Ah those were the days.

Lip Boy and the Empress arrive at St. Agnes, and Lexi gets cold feet. She tries to stall Ryan, asking him to call first. Then she acts faint and asks for a water fountain. Ryan points her to one as his cell phone rings. The Queen is calling to find out how much money is in the company coffers. As President and CEO, shouldn't she be aware of this or at least know where to find the data? He tells her that there's "a couple of hundred grand," which displeases her Highness most greatly. She needs more money to gouge her agency with this whole TV commercial insanity. In the meantime, Lexi sneaks off to Sarah's room and begins talking earnestly to a lump in the blanket which she assumes is Sarah sleeping and the rest of us assume is lumped up pillows. She pleads with those pillows to forgive her and promises those pillows that she'll buy them whatever they want if they keep the "misunderstanding" between them. All of a sudden, Ryan arrives with a screeching nun, and they pull back the covers to find that Lexi has been pouring her heart out to a stuffed pig and some miscellaneous pillows. Hey, at least the pig was a good listener and has a higher IQ than both McBride boys combined.

Have you ever noticed how often these people get takeout or eat in restaurants? Don't they ever cook? If they have all this money to burn, why are they still living in apartments? Anyway, Jane shows up at a Mexican restaurant and walks past Kyle who's eating alone. She says she's there to pick up some dinner, and does anyone else remember years ago when Jane said that she didn't want carryout Chinese cuz it was too "fattening?" And what the hell does she think Mexican food is? Lean and trim diet food? Okay, let's get this damn scene over with before my own Mexican dinner comes back to haunt me. Jane ends up sitting with Kyle; a mariachi band comes and plays to them. "They must think we're a couple," Jane the brainiac titters. Whatever.

So Eve for some reason is now singing at the club again. First she's the singer, then she quits, then she's fired, then she's partner, now she's singing again. Anyone else confused? So while she's singing, Tony is frothing and Pimp Mamma is trying to figure out how to justify getting the two of them together. She starts blathering something about a soundtrack for the commercial, and Tony ignores her, too busy focusing his libido toward the stage. The bartender answers the phone, and Amanda overhears that it's Peter for Eve. She grabs the phone and he tells her that he's planning on showing up to surprise Eve. Then why the hell did he call? So Amanda tries to convince him not to come, telling him that she's so busy she'd have no time for him. She hangs up as Eve comes off the stage to talk to them. "You have an amazing voice! You should be headlining in Vegas!" he emotes. "You all make me ill! You must all own stock in Tums!" I scream.

Michael and Megan are sitting around drinking beers when someone knocks at her apartment door. Michael opens it and sees little Sarah standing there holding a stuffed animal and looking all innocent and cute. "We don't need any Girl Scout cookies!" he shouts, trying to close the door in her face. But Sarah, who obviously must work out in her spare time, pushes the door back open and asks, "Father Michael?" Megan comes to the door and Sarah says she's looking for Megan. "I'm Megan," she says, confusing the poor child. Keep in mind that half this girl's genes are from the vacuous McBride family. "No you aren't," she replies so Megan again tells her, "Yes I am. I'm Megan Clueless Lewis." Demon child continues to show her disbelief by stating, much to Michael's horror, "You aren't the Megan who came to visit me in New York." Sarah then tells her who she is and how she heard about Lexi lifting the "no children" policy so she packed her bags and rushed right on over and oh, by the way, she's looking for her shiny-lipped father. "Do you know where he is?" she asks and the camera suddenly goes into slow-motion as an angst-ridden Michael stares off into space and Megan tries desperately to look surprised.

--written by Anthony and zinc, edited by Stacie

Five episodes left! Amanda, taking her cue from corporate America, decides to lay off half of her staff so she'll have the money for that stupid TV commercial. I guess you gotta spend money to make money. Eve spews to Peter that she's Amanda's personal entertainment advisor. Ah, so that's what they call Megan's old profession now. Amanda informs Jane that she shouldn't just fire her, she should kick her ass! OOOEEEE, kids. Stockpile your prescription drugs now!