for
March 8, 1999
The Curtain Rises.... the television, which now projects holograms right into your brain, gives those who are too young to remember, or had better things to do in the 90s to watch it, what exactly happened on Melrose Place.
We see a final parting picture of the cast members fading out, and a new picture of the cast as they are now fades in it's place.
Michael: I forget.. am I married to one of you?
Matt's Ghost: No, but I think I am... what ever happened to Jeffrey, anyway?
Alison's Ghost: I CAN SEE!
Sydney's Ghost: Shut up, your'e ruining my shot, bitch (slaps her in the face).
Amanda (who hasn't aged a day): would the two of you cut it out? the only reason I'm here is to do Tori Spelling a favor. I have better things to do than watch you girls fight. Hey... am I married? I can't remember. (*editor's note: Aaron is long dead, Tori now runs the family business, and with the success of Charlie's Angels 2019, all the old scripts are getting dusted off... next up Models, Inc 2021... starring somebody who looks like Linda Grey!)
Lexi: I'm ready for my close up, Mr Demille.
Peter: It's nice to be on the outside again.
Michael: That's right... you got busted for that imitation boob implant scam a few years back, didn't you? Ten years in the slammer...
Peter: yeah, but it all turned out Ok in the end...
Matt's Ghost: NOW I remember who I'm married to.
Brook's Ghost: Billy, I neeeeed yyooooouuu.
Sydney's Ghost: Shut up bitch, you always got the better dressing room...
Billy's Ghost: wait a minute... why am I dead? I don't remember that.... I'm calling my agent.
Jake's Ghost: Hey look! it's our old friend Brenda Walsh!
Brenda: Hi Everybody... it's so nice to see you.... I can't remember the last time we were all together like this!
Jane: Who the hell are you?
Sydney's Ghost: shut up bitch, you're in my spotlight!
Brenda: Don't you remember the first season? the first couple of episodes Jake was dating my friend Kelly, and I did a cameo at Shooters with some cast members from my show.
Jane: whatever.
Brenda: HEY! MP was a spin off of MY show, Beverly Hills 90210, bitch, and it lasted longer than your's did... so you better be nice to me.
Amanda: What are you doing here?
Brenda: Well, I was kind of broke, and Tori owed me a favor for not telling her Dad that Brandon was the one that actually popped her... um...(checks her contract) never mind.
Billy's Ghost: hey... what about me? Why am I dead?
Lexi: I've missed you all so much... I hope you forgive me for going away.
Rhonda: Good God... they never got another black person after I moved out did they?
Blonde girl from first season nobody can remember the name of: I was in a movie with Brendon Fraiser once. He played a Jew. I was his girlfriend.. it was so beautiful.... they were talking Oscar...
Jake's Ghost: Yeah... you look like the Green guy in the Garbage can.
Rhonda: Well...?
Matt's Ghost: at least you gat laid on the show by somebody other than mental cases.
Rhonda: oh yeah, remember the vitamin salesman?
Matt's Ghost: I'll shut up now.
Dan Cortese: Hey everybody... I'm still gorgeous, and still single.
Billy's Ghost: HEY!!! how come he gets to be alive? HE DIED ON THE SHOW!!! JAKE KILLED HIM!!!! NO FAIR!!!!! (bursts into tears and runs from the set)
Ryan & Megan: (looking through script)Hey.. how come we don't have any lines in here?
Amanda: I had them removed. I took the good ones, and gave the lousy ones to Billy's Ghost
Brooke's Ghost: Billlyyy!
Michael: Hey... Where's that redhead I used to be married to?
Sydney's Ghost: Right here!
Michael: No, the pretty one.
Sydney's Ghost: WHAAA!!! (disapears in a puff of post-production smoke)
Man in the Mirror: She's busy doing a movie about the life of Sharon Stone, but I'm here.
All but Man in the Mirror: AAAAHHHH!!!!
Kyle: It's hideous, what is it?
Man in the Mirror: Sorry.. I was an attempt at the Twin Peaks Faithful... I never really caught on, but I've been working a lot...
Kyle: What? I've never seen you in anything...
Man in the Mirror: I was in Charlie's Angels 2019.
Ryan and Megan: (still looking through script) Hey wait a minute.. there's no lines here for anybody.... this is just a front page, and fifteen blank pieces of paper!
Amanda: I know... they had to pay me so much to come back for this turkey that they couldn't afford writers... just ad lib a bit more and we'll go to commercial.. nobody will ever know the difference.
Eve: Hey... did I ever actually get together with Peter?
Peter: I think so.... it's been a while... hey.... I just got a song on one of those One-Hit-Wonders from the 80s Collections.
Jane: Hey.. whatever happened to Jo?
Amanda: She tried to say Stegosaurs and choked on her tongue.
Jane: How about Richard?
Sydney's ghost: You killed him, remember?
Matt: He Married the guy who tried to frame me for his wife's murder... I killed him... I think...maybe it was the cop.... that script didn't make alot of sence.
Tori: Well You can all stop wondering, because just like in the fourth season when we has all of those annoying "Where we came From" and " Most shocking moments" filler episodes that we didn't have to pay you for, there's gonna be a Melrose Place "Whatever happened to them " Show... All your favorites will be there.... including Mackinzie Phillips, Traci Lords, Priscilla Presley, Loni Anderson, Shirley Jones.... Cher....
Amanda: Hey... you're only centering on guest stars who only were on a few episodes.... and Cher wasn't even F*cking ON Melrose Place.
Tori: Yeah, well.. she's a bigger star than any of you guys, and she has a #1 hit this week, the teenagers like her... we're still going for the young, hip demographic, you know.
Amanda: WHAAA!!!!
Fade to Black
Hugs and Dishes
Weasel Boy
aka
Jason Mark
©1999-2001 Mojholio Creations