Weasel Boy Weekly Weasel Boy Weekly
for
November 11, 1996

 

The Melrose Place Keeping Up With It
Explanation Guide

Ok, So as we've all figured out, your friendly neighborhood Weasel Boy has been awfully busy recording his bands album, going to University, keeping a full time job and all sorts of other things that you don't want to hear about..

BUT..

Thanks to the efforts of Stacie and all the crowd at Melrose Space, I've been able to keep abreast of what's going on at my favorite apartment complex.

But, what about the rest of you? I mean... how, without my astute guidance would you know who's who?

That's why, after catching up with the kids last night, I put together this simple and easy to follow..

MELROSE PLACE KEEPING UP WITH IT EXPLANATION GUIDE!
OK.... here's how it goes. The nasty old crab who owns D&D (i don't know if he's dungeon or dragon) is Craig's (now known as cutsy poo) father, and the boss of Amanda, who is now married to Dr. Peter, who used to be married to the sister of BIG LIP woman(aka taylor) who's now married to Kyle who's got eyes for Sydney who's got eyes back and is also Jane's sister, who employs the chick with the BIGMUTHERFUKINEYES and used to go out with Jake who's now going out with Alithon who was engaged to Billy who's now going out with the chick with the BIGMUTHERFUKINEYES but she went out with cutsy poo and said they were just friends, but that was bullshit, and Billy knew it.

Jake, who we mentioned used to go out with Jane, and for that matter Sydney and Amanda and Jo and lord knows who else is now doing the nasty with Alithon, who works at D&D with Amanda who is now, as we mentioned, married to Peter, who used to have the hots for Kimberly, who's got a brian tumor that I guess brought on the guyinthemirror but is now married to Michael who used to be married to Jane and for a short while Sydney and they all lived at the beach house, but not all at the same time.

Now that we've got THAT straight, Michael works with Kimberly and Matt at the only hospital in LA aside from this psyche ward that only employs one doctor, one nurse and three guards(but we won't go into that) and Matt, the token homosexual, has had an endless parade of boyfriends but they were all either, A) nuts ; B) soap stars ; c) married and trying to kill their wives or D) drop dead gorgeous, but terminally ill. Matt got laid once, but we didn't even see them kiss. The only person to actually see Matt kiss a guy is Billy, and he won't tell anybody.

Ok... NOW.. Michael, who we now know is married to Kimberly is falling for a hooker who gets beat up for cash that Kimberly hired, but not to get beat up, last season went with Dr. Peter before he was married to Amanda to this beauty pagent, and he did the thing with the daughter of the HORNYOLDBITTY who was played by Loni anderson, who used to be on WKRP that had an episode with a band called scum of the earth, and the lead singer was play by the same guy who plays cutsy poo's father (the one we think is either dungeon or dragon). And darth Vader is Luke Skywalkers father.

there... I'm glad I could clear that all up.

hugs and dishes,

W

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